dating mistakes

Should You Be Dating Multiple Men at the Same Time?

Pretty woman standing and juggling with red balls representing dating multiple men at one time. — Afraid to juggle more than one guy at a time? Here’s why you should be afraid NOT to!

With every new relationship, we learn. Every time our hearts break, we learn.

I’ll never do that again, we say. I’ll make sure to do this instead. Sound familiar?

I came across this article the other day from someone who was speaking my language. She’d been there. She’s lived it. And she felt the same as I used to, too.

Except one day something changed for her.

I used to think there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t NOT jump in with both feet whenever that intense chemistry kicked in. I used to wonder why I couldn’t be like other women who managed to keep their objectivity and take their time getting to know a new guy without putting all their eggs in one basket.

Because unlike them, I spent way, way too much of my time and energy waiting for him to call, to make plans with me for the weekend. It was such an anxiety-provoking way to live waiting on him like this, and yet doing anything else - making plans with someone else -seemed like I would be showing him I wasn’t all that interested and he would lose interest in me.

Turns out, the opposite is true. This is now one of the things I would do so differently.Continue Reading

Before You Call, Text or Message Him...

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A beautiful woman looks at her phone, wondering if she should call him. — Make sure to do this BEFORE you do something you regret!

How do you say “you blew it!”?

How do you say “if only you had called me first!"

You don’t.

She already knows it.

I can assure her that he wasn’t the right one for her. I can try to convince her that someone who really was on the same page, wanted the same thing, was truly compatible with her, would have been able to overlook what she did or said.Continue Reading

Should I Initiate Contact?

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A woman looks at her phone while texting. — Here's how to know when you should (and shouldn't) initiate contact.

You’ve asked everyone you know, and even some you don’t. You’ve Googled it. You’ve read article after article to find your answer and still the answer seems to elude you. It either doesn’t sit right, isn’t you, or sounds too complicated.

There’s a reason you’re confused. It IS confusing!

You hear stories of women who made that initial contact and now they’re happily married! You hear of other women who never EVER initiated any contact, and now they’re happily married, too! Then there’s the in-between stories of the ones who initiated sometimes, and others who only initiated once in a while.

So here you are trying to figure out which one is right, which one is wrong, and which one is right for you, and it’s no wonder you’re finding yourself more confused than ever.Continue Reading

He Says "They're Just Friends"

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A guy is holding hands with one woman, while checking out and flirting with another woman — I found out from social media that he's dating other women.

One of our gorgeous readers, who has called herself "A", has been dating a guy for a while, and now thinks he's dating other women. He says these other women are just friends, but she's not sure what to do next.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane! I am so glad I have found you.

I find this website very helpful and I think for most of us, its a relief, because from my experience I get really confused and that inner voice inside of me telling me "I don't think this is going to end well".

Well here is my question: from a guy's point of view what's the idea of dating?

Because I have been dating a really nice guy for a month now, he is 3 years older than me (I am 22), although age doesn't really matter and for once I thought, wow I think this is the one. This guy seems just right, with the way he treats you, takes you out, worries about you, talks to you everyday, I feel great every time I am with him and I think it's the same feeling from his part, anyway its the whole fairy tale.

Everything it's perfect.

Suddenly just out of the blue, I noticed on the social network that he is also dating other girls. Continue Reading

Was I Just A Hot Mess With A Great Guy?

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A beautiful woman is holding her hair back with her hands, wondering if she was a hot mess. — Did I scare him off?

One of our beautiful readers, Felicia, is wondering if she drove away a great guy by being (her words) a "hot mess".

Here's her story:

Hi Jane.

I recently discovered your site to look for answers to many of my questions.

I have seen many articles or posts everywhere that he was not just the one or bad boy, etc.

But...what if, in fact, we were the one messing with a great guy? Or "Like attracts like"?

I recently ended up with a person who was quite close to whom I am looking for while my mother was fighting for her life. I met him via online dating site after several months after relocating to new country. Prior to that, I was just enjoying casual datings with some men. However he was different.Continue Reading

The Whole Point of Dating

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Yes, you do have to know who you are, what you have to offer and all those things that make you confident. You need to know what you’re looking for, what you really believe about love and why you keep choosing the same types of guys and expecting a different result even though they’re exactly the types that aren't on the same page as you.

But apart from all this important work we do to find out who we really are and what we’re looking for, beyond our soul searching to find our story and discover our own unique blind spots, triggers and programming. Aside from knowing what’s ours, what’s someone else’s and what comes from our culture, there lies the practical art of dating.

It’s time to revisit this concept of “dating” because it’s holding the bridge between being alone and finding someone to share our lives with.

But most of us are approaching it completely the wrong way.

We need to see dating as more than simply a means to an end. We need to see it as an enjoyable journey, filled with adventure, new people and places, new friends and renewing old acquaintances. And the key word here is enjoyable.

It’s time to take this awful pressure off of ourselves … and just date for all the right reasons.

Date to get to know someone better.
Date to get to know yourself better.
Date to get to know who you are and what you’re looking for.
Date to know what you do and don’t want.
Date to find out about different types of people.
Date to find out about different hobbies and passions and pastimes and causes and vocations.
Date to find out about places you’d never otherwise know about and experiences you’d otherwise miss.

Yes, I know full well from my own personal experience that there’s going to be both the good and what you’ll call the bad. But without the one, we wouldn't get to the other.

Without taking a chance on someone, we wouldn't find the one worth taking the chance on.

Something happens we we take all the pressure off. Something comes from that conscious action that allows us to relax, to sit back and observe instead of trying so hard, looking so deep, and making this dating experience into such an all or nothing experience.

Date to find a friend.
Date to grow your world.
Date to stretch yourself.
Date to grown.
Date to enjoy someone’s company instead of being alone.
Date for fun!

There’s no other way to get to know someone than by spending time with them, getting to know them better by being with them purely for the sake of getting to know them better.

There doesn't have to be sparks. They can come later – and they often do! There doesn't have to be instant chemistry. There doesn't have to be the little voice that rushes ahead and sees the father of your children or your soulmate.

In fact, there really shouldn't be.

Dating is simply how we do this in our culture. It’s how we get to know someone.

But there is one important caveat; don’t jump ahead. Don’t imagine the future with him or write him off yet either. We've shown ourselves too many times that our type is not compatible with our dreams and desires. This is about a new perspective on a familiar path.

Don’t sleep with anyone yet, no matter how tempting it is. We think we can, but it never fails, we just can’t without getting ourselves emotionally involved to a point of no return. Keep to public places if it's too tempting and you don’t trust yourself to be alone with him. We’re going for the whole package; not a one-night stand (or a three-date stand).

Date often. Date more than one at a time.

This is about getting to know lots of different types of people, and feeling what it’s like to broaden your circle of friends for now. It’s about keeping your social calendar busy so you’re not spending so much time wondering if and when he’s going to call.

Soon you'll meet him. A different type from all the rest, someone who’s giving you reason to believe he’s on the same page as you and looking for the same thing – with you. Someone who you're attracted to. Someone who treats you well – without needing to sweep you off your feet. Someone who’s real. Someone who’s taking it slow so he can get to know you better, too. The one who wants the same kind of commitment from you that you want from him.

The kind of guy who proves himself worthy of you. The right guy - the one who's right for you - will.

Take any of your story about dating like this and put it on notice that it’s time for a new dating story. You’re doing the choosing here, and this new way of looking at dating is how you choose.

Does this change the way you look at dating? Tell me your thought in the comments!