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4 Ways Your Mom Messed Up Your Love Life

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Whether we recognize it or not, your mom has a say in who you become and even who you date. A beautiful mother sitting on the couch with her beautiful but upset daughter.Mother's Day is fast approaching and it got me thinking about the ways in which our mothers affect our dating patterns. Whether we recognize it or not, your mom has a say in who you become and even who you date.

As much as you'd like to think that you're completely separate from her and aren't influenced by what she thinks of you, the fact is you're influenced by mom more than you'd like to believe.

Here's just a sampling of the ways she's managed to wrangle herself into your dating life:

1. It started when you were a baby.

Researchers have found that the ability to love, trust and work through arguments is developed during infancy and can directly affect behavior in future relationships.

If your mother was distant or emotionally cold to you when you were a baby, you may find it very difficult to allow yourself to love and be loved later in life.

While these tendencies were developed before you were forming memories or even able to speak, that doesn't mean they can't be overcome but it does mean you may have some additional hurdles.

2. She set the example.

We're naturally programmed to view the type of relationship that our parents had as the norm, so if your parents had a loving, trusting, long-lasting relationship, then you're in luck.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

With roughly half of marriages ending in divorce, many more on the brink and others that are just downright dysfunctional, the majority of us are following examples that are less than stellar.

Continue reading on YourTango.com...

The One Thing You Need to Bring to a Relationship

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Men want a woman who knows who she is and what she wants in life and is confident in herself and her abilities. They want a complete woman. A beautiful woman is being hugged from behind by her romantic partner.
He wants a woman who is complete in and of herself

I really do get it. “You complete me” is simply a tear-evoking, make-us-weak-at-the-knees statement we would all love to hear coming from our man. The very thought of him just needing us so much that he would be broken, a fraction of the man he is now if we weren’t in his life, just makes our hearts melt. But reality is far from what is portrayed in the movies, and the romance movie genre is one of the worst offenders.

Think about it:

Do you really want to be dating only part of a person? Someone who has not yet matured completely? Someone who is so needy of your attention and affection that they latch onto you and just won’t let go?

The word clinger comes to mind. When you think about it this way, it becomes obvious — of course you don’t want that kind of man.

Well, the truth is guys don’t want that either.

Men want a woman who knows who she is and what she wants in life and is confident in herself and her abilities. They want a complete woman.

“When you bring your complete self to the relationship, you’re able to recognize if you’re compatible.”

Being complete doesn’t mean you have to be perfect.

We all have our faults, but being complete means you understand these faults and know they are yours and yours alone.

They’re not caused by your partner and you are the only person that can change these traits.

Continue reading on DatingAdvice.com…

4 Dating Mistakes You're Probably Making Right Now

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You're meeting guys, dating them for a while, but the end result is always the same – your left alone and brokenhearted. A beautiful woman is on a romantic date with a man in a restaurant.Avoid these common dating mistakes to dramatically improve your love life.

Do you find yourself caught in a bad dating cycle? You're meeting guys, dating them for a while, but the end result is always the same – your left alone and brokenhearted. As much as you'd like to believe that there are just no good men out there, it's much more likely that it's due to your own behavior. The good news is that also means it's under your control to change things.

So be honest with yourself and see if you can identify with any of these four common dating mistakes. If you can, you'll be doing yourself a huge favor by changing your dating habits.

1.) Not giving love a chance to grow. You go out for coffee on the blind date that your mother's friend set you up on, but, while he seems really nice and wasn't bad looking, you just aren't feeling any chemistry. So when he calls asking for another date, you tell him that you're just not interested in a relationship right now.

I can't even count how many times a guy started to become more attractive the more I got to know him. Once you give him a chance, see his fun, quirky side, the way he can make you laugh, his kindness and generosity, he really starts to get, well, cuter. And if you give yourself some time to explore that, you might just find that cuter becomes real cute, and before you know it real cute becomes sexy. Continue reading on YourTango.com...

Help! My Biological Clock is Ticking Away!

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A woman who is concerned that her biological clock is ticking away and she hasn't yet found her Mr. Right is holding a biological clock near her belly.Here's a letter from one of our beautiful readers, Mady, who is concerned that her biological clock is ticking away and she hasn't yet found her Mr. Right. 

Dear Jane,

First of all, thank you for writing such encouraging thoughts on your very positive website. You’re helping a lot of people, something I strive to do as well – sooner than later, I hope. Thank you, really 🙂

I’ve been reading almost all your posts. There’s one topic I haven’t found though, and which is keeping me thinking and contemplating since at least a year now: What about those beautiful women who are still on their own, in their thirties, and who would very much like to have children?

There’s been some very important and loving men in my life. Yet, these last few years, with all the reading, building on my confidence and convincing myself that real, lasting love will one day cross my path, I feel that one of my biggest dreams would be to have children. Of course, I’m almost 32, my clock is ticking, and even if I meet someone special next year, getting pregnant can still take years of “trying”. So I’m thinking about other“solutions”. I reckon this might sound a bit irrational. I just feel the need to reassure myself by knowing that there’s an alternative, which doesn’t require waiting for/depending on the arrival of that special man.Continue Reading

3 Steps to Get the Commitment You Want

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It's time to define for yourself exactly what commitment looks like to you. A beautiful woman is embracing her man in a committed relationship after he has professed his commitment to her in an autumn woodland setting.Not getting the kind of commitment that you want from your guy? Check out this article I wrote for YourTango for a few steps you can take to get to where you want to be…

We all want to feel like our partners are committed to us. In fact, a recent study commissioned by Benenden Health, one-third of the study participants said that they would feel more optimistic about their relationships if their partners showed them more commitment. On top of that, most married participants were significantly happier than their single fellow participants.

So now that science has proven an obvious truth about couples in relationships, what do you do when you aren't getting the level of commitment you want from the guy you're dating? Here are three simple steps you can take to move towards the kind of committed relationship that you really want:

Step One: know what level of commitment you want. Like most things in life, if you're unclear about what you really want out of a relationship then you're going to have a tough time getting it. Life tends to deliver to us exactly what we focus on, so if you're not focused on what you truly want, then it's time to define for yourself exactly what commitment looks like to you. Does it mean dating exclusively? Do you want an engagement ring on your finger or is a verbal profession of love good enough for you? Are you the type of person who feels that it's not a true commitment until you drive off in the limo with the "just married" sign taped on the trunk? These are all questions that you need to answer honestly with yourself. Continue reading on YourTango.com...

He Was Never Really There

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We forget just how miserable we were far too much of the time. We forget how many of our own needs weren't being met. We forget all the waiting. We forget all the uncertainty. We forget all the times we felt like anything would have been better than what we were living. A beautiful woman is sad thinking about her recently ended relationship.It's always hard to let go of a dream. The dream of all the potential the relationship showed, the dream of all that could have been. We tend to have such a selective memory when we finally let him go or he lets us go. Either way, it's the same.

We remember all the wonderful times, the great things, that amazing potential he showed. And we start questioning ourselves and why we couldn't just have been this or that. Why we couldn't have been more understanding of him (as if we weren't already all too understanding!)

We wonder why we couldn't be content with less.

And then we start wondering if we're worth it. We forget just how miserable we were far too much of the time. We forget how many of our own needs weren't being met. We forget all the waiting. We forget all the uncertainty. We forget all the times we felt like anything would have been better than what we were living. We start on that slippery slope that has us second-guessing ourselves and leaves us spending all too much of our time and energy fantasizing about how to get him back and how different things would be this time around – if only we can convince him to give us another chance.

Stop right there, my beautiful friend. It's time to see this through your strong adult eyes instead of through the eyes of that little girl who's been trying to get that love she wants so badly. It's time to ask yourself some questions to see what was really there.

  • Did he really care about what you wanted?
  • Did he want the same thing?
  • Did he say he wanted the same thing, but his actions showed otherwise?
  • Did you feel anxious when you were with him?
  • Did you feel like if you could just be content to go with the flow, it would have been turned out so much better?
  • Would he have been perfect if only he could commit?

We can be so understanding, so forgiving, and so willing to put someone else first without thinking about whether they even deserve that kind of response from us in the first place. Is he worth what you've been putting yourself through? Is he worth your beautiful you? We can get so caught up in whether he wants us, whether he loves us, whether he's going to commit to us, that we forget that this is so much more about us than him. It's not about what if, it's not about what could have been, it's not about if only, it's about what is.

And you, my beautiful friend, deserve nothing less than a real relationship based on reality; a reality of two people on the same page who want the same thing and are committed to making that happen regardless of any extenuating circumstances.

Because if you don't have that, what do you really have?

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