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The Mindset that Changes Everything

A beautiful woman is stretching and smiling because of her new love mindset — What a difference a simple mindset change can make!

You know all those things you don't do? All those opportunities you don't take? All those times your fear of saying the wrong thing or coming across as too forward, too desperate or too needy hold you back from saying anything at all?

There's a reason we don't act. There's a reason we don't take our chances. There's a reason our fears around coming across in a less than perfect way keeps us from saying or doing anything at all.

I had a call this week with a woman who needed help figuring out how to find out if a guy she's been on a few dates with is for real, or not.

She discovered he may have some questionable history and yet he's not acting like he's got anything to hide. She's so conflicted about what to say and how to say it, she's not sure if she even wants to go out with him again. But she needs more information before she makes any decision.Continue Reading

When "Find Your Passion" Makes You Cringe

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Beautiful brunette woman thinking, tired, wondering if she's the one with commitment issues. — If it feels like too much pressure, you're in good company.

You’ve heard the advice about finding your passion, finding that big creative outlet.

You cringe as you think about how much you hate even the idea of painting, drawing, acting, dancing, writing.

All it feels like is pressure, and more pressure, and trying to measure up or compete with people who’ve been doing this for years, while you’re once again, coming in late.

Too late.

Don’t do this to yourself.

Instead, focus on the everyday little things that bring you joy, that give you a chance to do something just for you. Those things that make you feel good about yourself, that give you confidence in you, that give you that feeling of accomplishment.

Not for anyone else, but for you.

I've been there. I've done that. I've tried all those big things and came to the same conclusion most of you have intuitively come to even if no one ever confirmed it for you.Continue Reading

The Last Layer

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A beautiful woman looks out the window at the sun shining through realizing she has a fresh start. — There's one more layer you haven't uncovered yet.

When your view of yourself is limited to the words you heard growing up as a child from people who had so many of their own issues, because they didn't know how to love themselves let alone love you, their words become your own.

You don't see yourself as lovable, beautiful, spirited, passionate, confident.

You see yourself as flawed, unlovable, clumsy, messy, stubborn, lazy or whatever other words were thrown at you.

As adults, when we don't understand these underlying roots of our assumed identities, we attract people who are familiar to us. People who remind us of our parents, who have a similar view of us as we're used to.

As much as we can hardly bear to hear those words spoken or implied again, it's the only thing we know.

That's why separating those early roots from our reality today is such an important part of creating healthy relationships. We have to first be attracted to healthy people before we can form healthy relationships!

The Part No One Told You About

I slept with my boss and now it's awkward

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Relationship problems concept - close up of man in shirt dressing up and adjusting tie on neck over woman in bed background. — Afterward he just brushed me aside, got changed, and handed me my things.

Our letter today comes from Claire, who's in a situation with her boss that she needs some advice on. Here it is, along with my response. Even if you've never been in this situation, read on because there's some underlying themes of power and control I think you'll relate to.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

I am a 21-year-old female who like many other women have nowadays got involved with their boss. I have only been in the business for 7 months and I worry I could lose my job over this.

But anyway, when I started working with him I was only 20, it started off as any natural friendly relationship would, although with the casual flirtatious joke or dirty remark at times, but I thought this was part of his personality at times.

Fast forward a few months and we started messaging on Instagram and from there it turned very flirtatious although he had stated he didn't want a relationship and I had said the same thing.Continue Reading

The Antidote to Anxious, Questioning, and Wondering

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Couple holding hands towards the sun with bright sun flare between the silhouetted fingers on a pale blue sky, close up view in a conceptual image. — When you change your focus, the unexpected happens.

I'm realizing I need to share more of these stories with you.

Real stories of other women just like you, finding your way here because my messages about your worth and your value resonated with you.

Real stories of happy endings, like the one you can't see when you're in the middle of what you're going through right now.

If you haven't already figured this out, I'm not just about getting a guy; I'm about finding yourself, finding your worth - finding your value - and from there, creating a life for yourself that includes you finding the guy you've been looking for all along.

That's what happens when you find yourself first. When you change your focus to you, away from him, the unexpected - the seemingly impossible at the time - always finds you.

That's what happened for Lynn.

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The Mindset that Changes Everything

When "Find Your Passion" Makes You Cringe

Don’t do this to yourself.

The Last Layer

The Part No One Told You About

I slept with my boss and now it's awkward

Here's her email:

The Antidote to Anxious, Questioning, and Wondering

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