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THIS Is How You'll Know if He Can Commit

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can or can t toggle switch
Is he even able to make a commitment?

It's a question almost all of us have faced at one time or another.

Can he commit, or am I wasting my time?

It's a question that's so very important, because being able to recognize this one – whether he's even capable of being able to make a real, long term commitment to a real relationship – is the difference between you feeling empowered and you feeling absolutely heartbroken.

See, we’ve been told from almost the time we first came into this world that we could make someone love us if we just did everything they wanted us to.

While this may have first applied to our relationship with our parents or some other close care giver when we were very young, this programming continues throughout all of our relationships in our lives. Continue Reading

I’m stuck. And Sad. I Need to Get Out.

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Beautiful woman sad sitting on the window sill and painting on glass feeling heartbroken because it's hard to move on.
I know I need to let go, but it's hard to move on.

We’ve got a beautiful sister who’s feeling stuck and sad, saying she needs to get out. She knows what she needs to do, but she needs our help and support to show her the way. She signed her letter "Anonymous", so I've called her "Ashley."

Here’s her letter:

Hi Jane.

I’ve been reading a lot of your posts / comments and I realized they sometimes give me lightbulb moments enough to nudge me forward. But they also make me cringe when I realize that some of them feel like it’s me the article is about.

I’m stuck. And I really need help.

I knew this guy from a dating app. It was instant attraction and chemistry. He was super keen and all that, so much so I started to believe he could be the one after all.Continue Reading

Why He Suddenly Changes After 3 to 4 Months

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Sand passing through the glass bulbs of an hourglass measuring the passing time representing wasting time in a dead end relationship with a man who won't commit.
Why does it always happen at the same time?

We talk a lot on here about the man who comes on strong. The knight in shining armor type of guy who comes in and sweeps us off our feet before we even realize what’s happening.

We may not even notice him at first, because it’s not only about his looks or his physical attributes.

No, this one takes us completely by surprise because, overwhelmingly, most of the time we don’t even see it coming.

We’re a little aloof at first, cautious even. After all, we’ve been warned about this type of guy. The type who jumps in too fast, who wants to take everything to the next level faster than the relationship calls for, the one who simply can’t seem to get enough of you.Continue Reading

How Do You Share Your Feelings When He Won't Commit?

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Couple not talking after a fight on the sofa in living room at home
How do I talk to him about how I feel, without scaring him away?

You feel so much. You care so much. You love him so much.

You want to tell him how you feel. You think that’s all he needs to come around.

“I just need to tell him”, you think. “I just need to put it out there so that he’ll know for sure.”

So you think about it. You ask your friends what they think. Because after all, you don’t know what to think.Continue Reading

Is It Me?

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Beautiful brunette woman thinking, tired, wondering if she's the one with commitment issues.
Am I the one with commitment issues?

It's a question I've gotten from so many of my coaching clients, I've decided to address it here on the blog.

If all of the men you date have a problem with commitment, does that mean it's actually YOU who has a problem with commitment?

There’s a difference here that I want to point out. You’re here and he’s not. That’s a significant difference because it reveals one very important thing; you’re at least open to having this conversation, however difficult it may be.

Why is that such an important distinction? Because it forms the basis of all our growth in every single one of our relationships!Continue Reading

He Won't Commit (and Do I Really Want Him To?)

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An eraser erasing the word commitment from the paper, symboliizing a man who won't commit.
He'd be happy to just keep me as his "weekend girlfriend" for years.

This week, beautiful Lee writes about her long term partner whose commitment issues are causing her to have some trust issues with him.

Here's her email:

I've been exclusively dating my guy for nearly 18 months.

It was only after we'd been going out for 3 months that I found out he had been separated for nearly 18 years, but never divorced. He knows I thought he was divorced and I wouldn't have gone out with him if I'd known he was only separated.

He goes on about how he never said he was divorced, but he said "my wife wanted the divorce," and naturally I thought he meant it had gone ahead.

He said he'd never pursued the divorce because of his daughter - now aged 23 - as he felt bad about leaving when she was very young. But the wife had told him to go, although he realises she thought he'd probably return and be totally subservient.Continue Reading

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