Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

You are here: Home / Archives for What you deserve

You Are That Strong!

Leave a Comment

A woman is demonstrating her strength in the punching position.
Yes, you really are!

I came across one of my favorite playlists in one of my long-forgotten files today, and one of the titles caught my eye. It was Taylor Swift's We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. I found it again online and began listening to the lyrics and it all came back to me. There was a reason I loved this song!

Isn't that what we all want to be able to do? Don't we all want to be able to stand up so strong, so confident in ourselves and what we know we deserve, and say these words to that guy, the one who took us for a ride, the one who played our hearts?!

We want permission, we want to be given the right to say something that strong. We want to have that same resolve. That same type of confidence.

Because as much as we want to say this to him, we're scared to. Scared that he might be the one, and we let him go. Scared that there's no one else coming around. Scared that he just might  be our last chance.

We're scared that we don't deserve better. Scared to stand up like this and let him know in no uncertain terms just like this that we are done! That we refuse to be treated like this anymore, and we would rather be alone than be with someone like him treating us like this!Continue Reading

Don't Give Yourself Away

5 Comments

A beautiful woman being swept off her feet by good looking man
Make him prove himself to you first.

3 months? She laughed. I couldn't do that, Jane!

I was telling a single friend of mine about a client who waited a few months before becoming intimate with the guy she was dating because she wanted to make sure he wasn't just interested in sleeping with her, but actually wanted the same commitment she was looking for.

She believed she had a right to have sex, to be intimate, on her terms when she wanted it - not just something men get to do - and she wasn't going to give that up. She did have that right, but it came with a price, too.

Here's what this looks like in real life.

You're going to think you've finally found what you're looking for.

He's going to seem so different from the rest. He'll show you all the signs of being into you and you'll feel like all the work you've been doing on yourself is finally paying off. He's going to seem genuine.Continue Reading

Should I Leave Him? 9 Questions to Ask Yourself

Leave a Comment

A woman is looking up at question marks above her head.
It begins with some questions and some really honest answers.

You've been living like this for far too long, and the question keeps popping up in your head: Should I leave him?

You keep thinking things are going to get better, hanging on to those little things that just keep you hanging on.

Until it finally becomes clear that things aren't getting better, he isn't coming around, you're still giving way more than you're getting out of this relationship.

And yet, there are the wonderful things.

The amazing times you have together. Those occasional times when he actually does something romantic.

And when it's good, it's really good.

Unfortunately, there just aren't that many of these really great times, and as much as you try to keep it going, you're wondering if you're really just wasting your time.

Especially as the clock keeps ticking and you're not any closer to that elusive commitment you're looking for from him.

You keep asking yourself, should I stay in or leave this relationship? 

It's the question so many of us have wrestled with at one time or another, and one I hear from so many of my coaching clients - "Should I stay or should I leave?"

Typically followed with "Should I give it a little more time?, and if so, how much?" "Or should I just break up?"

Leaving a relationship is never easy, and deciding when to leave a relationship is one of the most difficult decisions to make.

If you're like most of us, you just want someone to tell you what to do, give you some assurance that you're doing the right thing. But everyone you talk to gives you a different answer until you are completely confused as to what to do.

Well, I have good news for you.Continue Reading

How We Get Hooked

26 Comments

A beautiful woman is hooked on a guy that is not treating her well.
This is how it happens.

What happens to us that we, perfectly intelligent, level headed women suddenly begin justifying to ourselves, beyond all sense of reason, why he’s treating us the way he does, why it's OK that he has rules about how often he can spend time with us, why it's understandable that he needs so much "guy time", why it always has to be the way HE wants it to be?

And why do we continue to believe that we’re so much better off with him than on our own?

The reality is you're not.

We’d be so much better off on our own at this point, so much better off without this guy bringing us down, doing a number on our self-esteem, but we have such a hard time believing that because when it's good, it really is that good, and we tend to focus so much on those moments that we forget how it feels the rest of the time.Continue Reading

Are You Happy?

1 Comment

Are you happy? If your answer is anything but a resounding yes, you need to reconsider your relationship. A beautiful woman is smiling while looking at her computer.If your relationship is a real relationship, then the answer will be yes.

If you’re single, then there’s good news – you only have yourself to consider when answering this question. It’s not really about whether or not you’re happy being single, but are you happy in general? Of course we all want love in our lives, and someone to share the special moments with, but outside of that, are you happy with your life? If you took the relationship question out of the equation, ask yourself – are you happy?

If you're currently in a relationship, you have to ask yourself if the relationship you’re currently in increases your happiness, decreases your happiness, or is it just neutral? If the answer is either of the last two, then you really need to look at why this is the case, and seriously consider if you want to continue.

After many bad relationships, I finally got to the point that I said to myself (and a few of my close friends) that I just wanted to be in a relationship that didn't make me less happy than I was while single. While this may sound like a sad state of affairs, it was actually the turning point for me that was one of the many factors that finally led me to find my own true love.

Why?

Because it meant that I had already learned to be happy on my own. I finally realized what I needed to be happy wasn’t outside of myself, it was inside. It was in the pursuing of my own interests, discovering my true self, and following my own passions… finding my purpose.

Not a guy. Not something or some event outside of myself. Not my surroundings. It was inside of me, and I finally knew it. After spending so many years trying to find a relationship that would make me happy, I finally knew the truth – that a relationship can never make you happy.

But it can amplify your happiness. To have someone to share your happiness and love with. To give love, and support, and encouragement to one another.

But In order to do that, we have to be filled up ourselves. It’s like a cup – your cup needs to be filled before you can give to another from your cup without feeling like it is being drained. You also don’t want to be the person in the relationship that’s only drawing from (and draining) your partners cup.

In a real relationship there will be times where one of you is drawing off of the others cup, and vice-versa, and that's what makes it a real relationship - that give and take. As long as it's in balance, you'll feel happy, because you'll have someone you can lean on when you need to, and someone you can support when he needs it, and that makes you feel happy. But in order to do this each of you needs to be happy, and your cups full, to begin with.

You deserve to be happy.

We all do.

Is He Worth It?

11 Comments

Is he really worth it? A beautiful woman is crying herself to sleep over her boyfriend wondering to herself if he's really worth it.I heard you crying yourself to sleep last night, you still haven't heard from him, but you're sure he’ll come around.

Is he worth it?

I heard you talking on the phone yesterday, saying he didn't come home last night, but you tell yourself he probably just had to work late again and stayed downtown with a friend.

Is he worth it?

I heard you turning down an invitation to a party tomorrow night, because he's working late again and you don't want to go alone, again. But you tell yourself it's only temporary, even though it never seems to end.

Is he worth it?

I saw your bedroom light on late last night; you can't sleep because he's supposed to be calling after he gets back from yet another night out with the guys. But he's done this so many times before, and you keep forgiving him.

Is he worth it?

I saw those tears begin to fall when you saw that couple running to meet each other at the airport. But he always tells you not to bother to come.

Is he worth it?

I heard your voice shake when you made yet another excuse for him while telling your friend that you still believe he'll change.

Is he worth it?

I see you, beautiful, looking into the darkness, wondering where he is and whatever happened to the two of you. Refusing to give up on the dream of him and you, yet wondering why you're the only one who seems to care.

Going through the emotional rollercoaster of the highs and lows of being in a relationship with someone like him.

You can't explain it; you love him so, no matter how he treats you, but you also know, deep down inside, that something isn't right. In your heart of hearts you know you deserve better than this, you know there's more to life than living like this, but he's got so much potential, so much of what you want, if only he would grow up.

If only he would realize how much he needs you. If only he would open his eyes to see all that you are and all that you have to offer him.

You've tried imagining life without him, you've tried to picture going it alone, again, you've tried to picture yourself finding that strength within to live the life you've dreamed of, but have found yourself stuffing into the background.

You're going to miss him too much, you say; it hurts too much to let him go. You need him. He's everything you've looking for in someone, if only he would commit to you. You're scared to let him go; he might be ready for that commitment just when you leave. You're scared to be without him. And scared to be with him, throwing your life away like this.

My question to you, my dear, beautiful friend, is this:

Is he worth it? Is he really worth it?

Latest Tweets

Recent Comments

Calendar

May 2025
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031