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You are here: Home / Archives for the spark

Why Looking For Someone to Replace Him Never Works

2 Comments

Close up portrait two young men in shadow white background
Don’t put yourself through this all over again.

We think it will help. When our heart has been torn wide open and nothing short of him coming back will do, we do the absolute worst thing we could do; we try to find another him.

A replacement.

Someone just like him to melt away the pain. To prove we’re still worthy, still lovable. To make us feel better again.

It’s no wonder that when we first venture out again into the dating world that we’d hoped we’d left behind, we find either one of two things.

A hopelessness that he really was our last chance at love because there’s no one else out there like him.Continue Reading

Please Help Me Get Him Back

18 Comments

A woman looks at her phone wondering why he stopped texting.
He suddenly stopped texting or even responding to me!

I hear it all the time. Things started off so great - we had such chemistry, we clicked, I felt the spark! Then suddenly, everything changed...

One of our readers, City, is experiencing this right now. She confronted him about it, and now he's pulled away even more.

Here's what she wrote:

I met this guy a few months ago and we immediately clicked.

We had a connection (or so I thought ). We would talk till morning rise and we never wanted to be apart. He would  send me text messages just to let me know his thinking about me.

Every thing changed when he went home for holidays.Continue Reading

Which Path Should I Choose?

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A beautiful woman walks down a path, representing different choices in her relationships.
Please help me make the right decision!

What do you do when the ex who couldn't commit suddenly decides he wants you back - but you don't know if it's just because you've moved on with someone he knows, or because he actually wants you back? What would you do?

Well, that's what our beautiful reader, Jessica, wants to know. I'm featuring her email on the blog this week, and with all the experience this community has with exes who won't commit, I know she's come to the right place.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I have a point of crossroads and I would really appreciate your guidance.

Basically my ex boyfriend and I were in a committed relationship for about two years when he was offered a job in the US. Because of the visa laws it was a situation where we would either have to commit or try another option.

Instead of exploring the different options he froze and abandoned the relationship, treating me very disrespectfully, revealing a side that I didn't recognize and cheating on me multiple times. This was about six months ago.

He then went off to the US and then a lot sooner than I expected I actually began to see somebody else and move on which unfortunately happened to be an acquaintance of his.

So as things began to develop with the new guy I knew I needed to tell my ex to be fair to the situation as they had known each other and not to hurt him anymore than the news could already. Since he had been gone I'd heard from him occasionally and of late had a couple more emotional messages of missing me and regret which I closed down and asked for his respect in leaving me be.

But when I told him about my new situation he basically reacted in a way that I totally didn't expect.Continue Reading

Seriously? How Did I Get Here. . .

25 Comments

A brunette woman feeling lonely in her relationship sits looking at the ocean.
He's a great guy, but until I walk he won't ever truly show up.

One of our beautiful readers, who has chosen to call herself "Always Baby", or "AB" for short, has been in a long term on-and-off relationship with a guy who just can't seem to truly commit.

Here's her email:

I am 40. I met my boyfriend when I was 36.

We were together for a few years, split for 12 months, and got back together. We have now been back together for over a year.

My boyfriend told me on the first date he would never fall in love again, he would never marry again, and that was that. Maya Angelou says when people tell you who they are the first time, listen.

I should have.

Our chemistry was amazing..the date was planned around my loves (a play, dinner at the most romantic place)...the banter between us, sexual tension, instant connection--it was all there.

So I dated him.

The process of our relationship -- dating, to committed in regards to being his girlfriend took almost 7 months...and slowly, it hasn't grown much. We broke up when he took Chantix to quit smoking. It had horrible side effects on him including a withdrawal from life, passion, intimacy, his child who he has primary custody of, his personality -- he just became a depressed, dark man. I tried to stay with him. He eventually cut me out.

I thought about him every single day for that year that followed.Continue Reading

Stop Looking for That Elusive Spark

175 Comments

Image of a spark between the hands of a woman and a man, signifying chemistry and spark in a relationship.
What do you do if you're not feeling the spark?

I recently came across a story of a woman who was in a long term relationship (several years) with a man that she described as emotionally available, kind, funny who kept her very satisfied in the bedroom.

They also have an amazing friendship. Sounds perfect, right?

He asked her to marry him.

She said no.

She went on to say that while she loved him very much, she knew it was never going to work out in the long term because she never felt that elusive spark.

She felt like she would be settling.

Honestly, I was stunned. I had to read it again, just to make sure I wasn't missing something.Continue Reading

He Might Be Right In Front of You

15 Comments

 

A beautiful woman is re-thinking a relationship with the nice guy.
Don't overlook that genuinely nice guy just because you don't think he's your type.

Sometimes the perfect guy for you has been right there all along, you just didn't notice.

Buried in between all the unhealthy relationships that never turned out the way I wanted them to; in between all those heartbreaking dramatic episodes with guys that could never give me what I was so looking for, there were a few men who were what I now recognize as really healthy, relationship material kind of guys.

But at the time I was just not open to seeing them that way; instead I continued to chase the unhealthy romantic fantasies about love that I had in my head.

These were genuinely good guys who were looking for an exclusive relationship, weren't afraid of commitment, were honest, were real and didn't play games.

Guys who would talk about real life everyday topics, would call when they said they were going to call, show up and plan ahead for when we would see each other so I felt confident that I was a priority, and basically treated me the way I actually wanted to be treated.

But because they weren't igniting my own unhealthy chemistry indicator, or maybe because they weren't going full tilt on the romantic pursuit that made me feel so desirable and worthy, they never stood a chance.Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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