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Can I Really Say We're In a Relationship?

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Woman lying on floor on a video call using laptop in a long distance relationship.
We video call each other often but is it really a relationship?

One of our beautiful readers, Kylie, has been dating a man virtually for over a year, but they haven't yet met in person. She's wondering if this qualifies as a real relationship.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I have been  dating this guy for more than a year now  and we are in a long distance relationship. 

We basically never met each other yet the entire time we are dating. Though we do video call each other most of the time and text and call everyday, I don't feel like we are a thing because we are far away from each other.

We have been through ups and downs and it wasn't easy for the both of us but I am amazed how we always tried our best to make things work despite the distance and the problems we encounter.

We had broken up three times but he always comes back to me and he was the one who ended the relationship in the first place.Continue Reading

What a Real Relationship Really Is

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We’re going to help you get your compass pointing towards a real relationship.

Just for a moment, I want you to forget about everything you think you know about what a real, healthy relationship feels like.

We’ve got a problem here, because we think we know, but the reality is, we don’t. We can’t. Not when we’ve been where we’ve been and gone through what we’ve gone through. Not when our relationship gauge is up when it’s supposed to be down.

If I’ve lost you here, stay with me for a minute and picture a compass.

It’s going to automatically point north because of the magnet in there.  Now imagine your relationship radar as a compass (you know where I’m going with this.) It’s pointing south (or east, or west), not north.

And it’s OK.  It’s not your fault.Continue Reading

Finding Real Love

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Beautiful happy couple in love enjoying embrace of each other and tenderly smiling
It's real love. The kind I always wanted but didn’t quite understand until now.

You’ve asked me what it looks like. You’ve asked me how it happens.

And as much as I try to give you words that I hope will resonate most with you, there is nothing that compares to hearing from someone who was just like you, asking me these same questions.

Someone who wanted nothing more than to know the "what" and the "how" as well.

You met her on the blog about a year and a half ago, when she wrote to me after a devastating breakup, questioning "Will I Ever Find Someone Else?" Now, I have a follow-up letter from her that she wrote to share with our community.

Here's her story:

Dear Jane,

I have been meaning to write you for some time now to update you on my journey.

I’m not sure if you would remember me, but I wrote to you about a year and a half ago, writing under the alias “Looking for Hope"...

I had just ended an engagement with an emotionally unavailable man; I felt so heart-broken from my past and scared for the future, but what I felt the most was confusion. I didn’t know how or why what had happened with my ex-fiancé happened, but deep down I knew there were answers to those questions.

It was your blog and coaching sessions that was the beginning of me peeling away to get to the root of that confusion.Continue Reading

How Your Fantasy Is The Biggest Deception Of All!

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A woman is about to kiss a man that is her romantic fantasy.
The fantasy may be keeping you from real love.

You're stumped.

You've tried everything.

You know who you are. You know what you want. You know what you don't.

You're going out to all the right places. You're doing all the right things.

You're following all my very best advice.

"What am I missing?!!"  It's the one question I hear so often.

You can't figure it out, no matter how hard you try. But somewhere, underneath everything you can see and touch and feel, it's there.

What is it?Continue Reading

The Truth About Happily Ever After

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And they lived happily ever after
But what did that look like?

You know that dream you have of happily ever after?

Well, I have some good news for you: There really is a happily ever after. It exists.

It’s just different from the book and movie versions we all grew up with.

The ones in the stories read aloud to us as children and the versions based on the same themes we later watched on television and in movie theaters as we grew older. Whatever the particular story, they all had the same ending we would come to expect and look forward to: the one that ended with the prince sweeping the damsel in distress off her feet and the final words, whether they were spoken or simply implied, "… and they lived happily ever after".

It wasn't until much later in life that I began to wonder, "How?"

Because after so many failed attempts at my own version of these same fairy tales that seemed so elusive to me, it became the question I so desperately wanted to know the answer to. "What happened next?"

But of course, that’s where the story always ended and we never heard what really happened after they got together. After the glow of the initial attraction was no longer the only thing each other saw, and the real story played out.

Continue Reading

Stop Looking for That Elusive Spark

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Image of a spark between the hands of a woman and a man, signifying chemistry and spark in a relationship.
What do you do if you're not feeling the spark?

I recently came across a story of a woman who was in a long term relationship (several years) with a man that she described as emotionally available, kind, funny who kept her very satisfied in the bedroom.

They also have an amazing friendship. Sounds perfect, right?

He asked her to marry him.

She said no.

She went on to say that while she loved him very much, she knew it was never going to work out in the long term because she never felt that elusive spark.

She felt like she would be settling.

Honestly, I was stunned. I had to read it again, just to make sure I wasn't missing something.Continue Reading

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