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Your Worst Fear

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Rear view pensive thoughtful woman sitting on sofa alone, lost in thoughts, upset female having psychological problem, heartbreak, thinking about being alone
Here's why it's not going to happen.

We have to talk about your worst fear. I know you've got many, but this one stands out because it's the one that's hurting you the most.

There's too many of us here hanging onto a guy who's already missed all your checkboxes only because you're afraid you'll never meet anyone else as good as him.

This is the absolute worst reason to put up with what you're putting up with right now!

See, there aren't all these people walking around on this planet right now and no one who could possibly be someone for you.

This is one of the biggest lies we've ever been programmed with; that you have to ignore how badly someone is treating you, that you have to minimize and excuse away all those behaviors that you used to say you'd never tolerate, just to avoid being alone.

No, you're not going to be alone forever!Continue Reading

The Reason He Says "I Don't Know"

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Woman and man sitting on a curb breaking up, man with his head in his hands
Is it just an excuse?

He can’t tell you what he doesn’t know.

His words haunt us.

"I don’t know."

"I’m not sure why."

"I wish I could."

"I don’t mean to hurt you."

We’ve heard them all before.

The reality - the stark, harsh, cold reality - is that he can’t give you more of an answer to the questions you’re asking him because he really doesn’t know.

Yes, you and I would know.Continue Reading

"I'm So Disappointed in You"

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A beautiful woman with her face in her hands wonders what to do.
The words cut so deep.

Did you feel that one?

I know I did.

It starts as a memory. A memory we feel down to the very core of our being. “I’m so disappointed in you.”

And then it carries over into every part of our lives for a long, long time.

It’s a cycle. A pattern that’s easily predictable.

You disappoint someone – because you will, you know. And it all comes back.

But why is this all your responsibility? Isn’t it equally shared by the person who has such unrealistic standards of perfection for you that they can even dare to stand there from a position of “I’m disappointed in you”?

Why is this not on them? Why is it all on you?Continue Reading

When all you feel is PRESSURE

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A beautiful woman holds her head questioning if she's in a healthy relationship.
That's your real worst fear, isn't it?

One of these days, Beautiful, you're going to get up enough nerve to finally do that thing you keep telling yourself you can't do. That thing you think you're not good enough to do. That thing that you think someone else will always be able to do better than you.

And you're going to go be that person you've always thought could only be someone else.

You're going to stop looking in the mirror so critically at everything you think you have to change first. You're going to stop looking at all those milestones someone arbitrarily decided for you.

And you're going to choose your own goals and plans and dreams instead of waiting to see if you can get enough approval for your own.

You can't do this with someone breathing over you (either figuratively or literally) telling you who you are or what you're supposed to be.Continue Reading

Does It Serve You?

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Beautiful woman looking out the window on a rainy day, wondering if it serves her.
Does it wrap it's arms around you?

I want to be so clear here.

You are not your mom's programming or your dad's programming or your grandparents' programming or whoever else went before you and said this is the way it is or this is what we believe, and then subtly (or not so subtly) passed it on down to you to become your own.

If you know anything about our cellular level memory, you know we absorb these types of messages in our very being. Where we have no conscious memory, we have the cellular kind.

This is why our patterns of survival, the way we love, what we can't believe could possibly be true, and all our defensive behaviors that keep us walled-off from our truth, are so difficult to change.

At that deep cellular level, we've absorbed only their deep truth.Continue Reading

The Lie of Brokenness

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Woman looking into a broken mirror representing her low self-esteem.
No, there's nothing wrong with you.

When you've been told over and over again that you're broken, when you've been told you have to go to some being outside yourself to ask for forgiveness for the simple act of being human, you're going to forever have a hard time believing you're not.

And when heartbreak turns to more heartbreak and you can't seem to learn well enough from your past mistakes to exact any kind of different outcome, it's a tragedy that all you've got left is a scenario where you cast yourself at yet another man's feet and beg for forgiveness - for grace - to be given the right to be here just as you are.

It's something wrong with you all over again when you're told the very essence of you is bad, wrong, in desperate need of correction. Because the theme is the same as the one you first learned: you will always need someone outside of yourself to save you from yourself!

Look within, Beautiful. Look at your beautiful heart and soul.

Is there any good in you? Not their answer this time, but the answer that's your own.

The truth is, there is nothing but good in your heart, in you! You don't need this validation from anyone else for it to be true. That's how we got here in the first place.

Search your own heart and find your truth.Continue Reading

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