Finding your YOU that leads to TWO
One of our gorgeous readers, Emma, has been dating a guy for five months who suddenly told her that he needed some space, and then subsequently disappeared.
Dear Jane,
I have been dating this guy for around five months.
We aren't officially together yet but we have both expressed the interest in being officially together. He works night shift and has to work most weekends with his job and lives a hour and a half away.
I only get to see him once a week usually.Continue Reading
Amidst all the excuses we have for him. Amidst all the stories we tell ourselves about why he treats us the way he does.
Amidst all the reasons we have for staying with him, there lies one simple truth.
He’s choosing, too.
He’s choosing to do what works for him.
He’s choosing to not call.
He’s choosing to text you for last minute plans.
These are choices, not excuses, not reasons, not subconscious dilemmas or long-thought out processes.
This is him choosing, too.Continue Reading
One of our many beautiful friends, who has chosen to remain anonymous (she has signed her letter "So Regretful"), is wondering if the emotional text that she sent to him caused their relationship to end.
Dear Jane,
Someone I knew contacted me out of the blue after 20 years.
We were only friends then, never dated. He said he never stopped thinking about me and although he has a girlfriend he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I had always thought about him as well.
Right off the bat he asked me to be patient with him so he could get things sorted out. He kept calling and texting me all the time. After 8 months of asking when I would be able to see him, I pushed the point and we finally met for lunch. It was great and the mutual attraction was definitely there.
We talked about being together in the future, our likes, dislikes, etc..
The holidays came and went and his texts became more infrequent and the calls stopped. He apologized and said he had so much going on but that his feelings had not changed. We continued to text but no calls.Continue Reading
It's the 21st century. A most confusing time when it comes to the age-old question of "Can I call him or do I have to wait for him to call me?"
And I know you've been overwhelmed with so many different answers to that one question. Everyone seems to have a different answer for you, with different reasons to back them up and different way of letting you know. But behind all this confusion, lies a simple basic truth that has always been the same, that will never change regardless of what our culture chooses to do.
If you call him or text him when you haven't heard from him, it won't change the way he feels about you, it won't change whether or not he was going to call you anyway.
But it will change you.
Because there's something we do with ambiguous situations like this. We go to our #1 go-to place - that place known as "overthinking".
The one where we question whether we shouldn't have said something. Or if we should have said something else instead of what we did say. Where we get hung up on what he thought, or what his response (or non-response) meant.
Where we blame ourselves completely for what we should have known. Or for even calling or texting him at all.
This is what changes us! Continue Reading
Our dear friend, who calls herself "Agonizing in Ohio", is asking the questions just about all of us have asked ourselves at one time or another (some of us many, many times): Why hasn't he called, and should I call him?
Hello,
I'm 53, have been married once, and single for 21 yrs. I'm a entrepreneur for the last 25 yrs, I am most attracted to entrepreneurs.
I know what I want, and would like to find love, and someone to spend my days and nights with, but more than that, someone to build a future with.
On Sept 1, I started talking to a man, he's a entrepreneur, handsome, my age, our kids are grown, he's been divorced for three yrs, and when we met he said he was tired of being the third wheel. We live 90 miles from each other, but that doesn't really matter - I'm in his area all the time with my work.
We talked or texted or emailed almost everyday for the last two months. We've had two dates that were amazing - at dinner we would look into each others eyes, and giggle like two kids in love. He seemed very sincere, polite, always called when he said he would.
He told me he loved my laugh, and after the date, I was the best part of his weekend - even said maybe next spring I could go to France with him. We were building on our conversation, on how we were alike, and how he understood me.
He was in France for a week and emailed and sent pictures everyday, said he couldn't wait to see me when he got back....Continue Reading
“I've never treated anyone as bad as I treated you, Jane. I just wasn't there but I didn't know how to communicate this to you.”
It was the other side of the story, the one I never heard before.
But now, with a new life and a new, more confident me, I had sought out the guy who had broken my heart just a few years earlier to see if he would meet up with me when I was back in town.
He agreed to, and we did, although if I was honest with myself, I was looking for more than just an explanation. I also wanted to see what might still be there now that time and distance was now between us and I was finally feeling confident on my own.
You know, that “let him see me now with how much I've changed and see if what couldn't be back then, might be possible be now” kind of story we all want to see.
And so over pasta in a hip little restaurant in the trendy West end of my hometown Vancouver, I asked him what I never had the courage to ask when I found myself sick over our relationship a few short years ago: “Why?”
He didn't know.
He couldn't answer me.
Except to say that he knew he had never treated anyone as badly as me – as badly as I knew in my heart I had allowed him to treat me.
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