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Can't Let Go? Do This Instead

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Beautiful woman sad sitting on the window sill and painting on glass feeling heartbroken because it's hard to move on.
I know I need to let go, but I just can't.

She said she can’t let go. She needs him to let her go instead because she’s not strong enough to do it.

Okay, so I hear her and I hear all of her echoing where you are and what you feel. The pull you feel is too strong. The good stuff you get from this guy is too good and the bad stuff, while it breaks your heart, well, you can justify it as long as you keep focusing on the good parts.

So here’s what you need to hear today if you’re going to change this. Because no, he's not going to change this. He's not going to be the one to let you go if he hasn't already.

Why would he? Girl, he's got it soooo good with you!

Do this instead.Continue Reading

What the Mirror Means for You

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Beautiful woman looking into a mirror.
THIS is why he has such a conflicted relationship with you.

You hold it up to see what it reveals.

You can't help it.

It's not just what you do. It's who you are.

You bring light to what never had light before.

You reveal what was always kept hidden before.

THIS is why he has such a conflicted relationship with you.

It's why he's half in and half 0ut.

It's why he gives you such mixed signals.

You're that good. That kind. That loving. That compassionate. That graceful.Continue Reading

Not Quite Ready to Let Go and Move On?

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A beautiful woman sits on a park bench wondering why she loves him.
You're lonely with him, and you're lonely without him.

I want to be so gentle here with you, because I know exactly how it feels when you're in this situation.

You love this guy. You don't want to just let him go and start your own life.

Sure it feels good to say "I'm leaving him" and hear the cheers from every woman who's gone before you, every woman who's ever made this difficult choice herself, but this was never the way you wanted it.

You never chose this heartbreak, and all you wanted was for him to change back to the way he used to be when you fell in love with him in the first place.

You're lonely without him. You're lonely with him. You don't know which is worse and you're afraid to find out in case you make the wrong choice.

This was always the hardest decision you were ever going to make.Continue Reading

Kindness, Shame ... and Hockey

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Silhouette of sad woman looking at sunset over water, shame concept
I didn't realize just how beaten down I was.

We've all had those pivotal moments in our lives when we're provided with a contrast so opposite to the situation we've found ourselves in, that we can't help but question why we're still there.

They remind us not everyone will treat us the way we've become so used to. They give us hope.

And they provide us with something to look back on when we try to make sense of it all.

One of those moments for me was at a hockey game with my boyfriend at the time, this guy I felt so beaten down by (he was the one who also made me literally sick at the end.)

Yeah. That one.

It was  during one of the intermissions where I went to the concessions by myself and to have someone smile at me - another man smile at me, say something nice to me, be kind to me - it felt like such a rare thing.

I felt so grateful, overly grateful, and as proof of how beaten down I’d become, I was thinking, you’re so kind.

You’re so nice to me.Continue Reading

Yes, You Have One Too.

13 Comments

A beautiful woman sits on a beach thinking about her absentee boyfriend, wondering why she loves him so much.
You won't know where it is until it's been crossed.

You have a line.

We all do.

I don't know where yours is, but somewhere along the way, you'll find it.

It hasn't been crossed yet or you would know, because something would be different. Nothing would be the same.

It wakes us up. It brings our excuses to a halt. It brings out a side of us we've never known before.

It's your boundary. Your line in the sand. The one thing you won't stand for.

You won't know you have it until it's so clearly right there in front of you.

And then, even if you don't think you have the strength or resolve to stand, you will. Even if the conscious part of you can't do it, your subconscious will.Continue Reading

You're Not Your Story

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A beautiful woman looking down sadly, trying to let go and move on.
We've all been told a story about ourselves.

I took my own advice.

I poured my heartbreak into something that needed me; someone that needed me. A dog who was labeled with severe separation anxiety; rescued from a shelter that couldn’t keep her.

And then I noticed something so similar to what I notice with you.

You’re not your label. You’re not what you’re telling yourself you are. You’re not your story.

You’re not the self-fulfilling prophecy you’ve made your life because you were with all the wrong people and all the wrong environments that only reinforced this inherent belief system in you.

In psychology, we call this confirmation bias.

We’re given a label. We’re told a story about ourselves. And then once it’s been positively reinforced often enough, we go looking for evidence to confirm that same label, that same story, that same narrative that’s become our truth.Continue Reading

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