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I Just Want It To Be the Way It Was

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A beautiful woman looks in a mirror wanting it to be the way it was.
I put myself out there everyday, only to feel rejected afterwards.

One of our beautiful, sweet readers, who has asked to remain anonymous, has been in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend of a year and a half, and has gone through quite a roller-coaster of difficulties, including cheating.

I've chosen to call her Plumeria, after the beautiful and fragrant flowers that are used to make Hawaiian leis.

Here's her email:

Jane,

My relationship with my boyfriend has been going on for about a year and a half.

We started dating after I got out of a two year relationship the same time that he did, and we kind of gave each other moral support.  He was always someone I was attracted to, and I had admired his relationship, and I think I was the same for him.Continue Reading

One Simple Question You Have to Ask Yourself if You Want to Move On

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A beautiful blond woman is very upset with her boyfriend, and is shaking her finger.
Is it worth it?

The rain was falling as I walked home from the bookstore the other day, a light gentle April rain that brought me back to another place and time. A time when yet another man who seemed to have so much potential hadn't been quite able to live up to that potential that only I had been able to see.

It was a time when running – and especially running in the rain, so out of character from who I used to be - became my therapy.

With each step, the pain lessened just a little bit more. I was doing something that I had never known I could do before. And with the support and encouragement of a new found friend, the hurt and the pain and the regrets of "if only", began to slowly lessen.

But there was something more.

I wanted him to be wrong. I wanted him to pay. I wanted him to suffer the way I felt he had made me suffer. I wanted her to suffer too; the woman he insisted was never more than a friend, the same woman who had called herself my friend, who thought nothing of finding every opportunity she could to flirt with him.

I wanted them both to pay.Continue Reading

Trying to Move On From a Man Who Won't Commit

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A beautiful woman walks down a path towards the light symbolizing trying to move on from a man who won't commit.
I want to move on, but I can't get away from it.

One of our gorgeous readers, Angel, is trying to move on from a relationship with a man who won't commit.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

I've been reading a lot of your blog posts for few days now, some of them I read few times too. Here's my situation that got me all confused:

I am a single mother of 2 teenagers and I am having a Long Distance Relationship with this guy from another country for 11 years now. He's working in my country on a flying in and out basis. I only saw him when he was on his way in or out from where he works (in another island).

I know this was not ideal, but we were so clicked and compatible for each other. We could talk about anything, shared so many similar interests and hobbies, basically it's a perfect relationship except that he doesn't want to have a commitment.

He said that to me 3 years since we started the relationship, and caught me by surprised.Continue Reading

How To Get Over a Broken Heart

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A beautiful woman is looking very sad as she is wondering how to get over a breakup.
How do I get past this overwhelming sadness?

In my coaching practice, the question of how to get over a broken heart is one that I hear so often. Unfortunately, it’s a question almost all of us have asked at one time or another of anyone who was willing to listen.

Breakups are not only hard, they can frequently feel like something inside of us had died, and the loss of a relationship can often be just as painful as actually losing a loved one. And it makes sense – this person that you were so intimately involved with, that was such an intertwined part of your life, is suddenly gone, unreachable, untouchable.

Then there’s the self-blame, the resentment, the anger. Even if the breakup was amicable, and you've decided to remain friends (which I generally don’t recommend), it’s impossible to completely erase that feeling of utter loss.

And it really is a loss – a loss of the future that you had pictured with him. A loss of the future family life that you may have imagined. A loss of all of those wonderful times that you so totally believed were coming soon.

I know. I’ve been there too. Too many times to want to remember.

So how do we move on from a devastating breakup? How do we finally repair our shattered hopes, shattered dreams, shattered heart?Continue Reading

I Don't Want Him to Have the Last Word

31 Comments

A woman is looking at her tablet reading a nasty email from her ex after a break up.
I want to respond to his nasty email, but I know I shouldn't.

Our gorgeous friend, who I'll call "Madeline", was very hurt by a nasty email from her ex after their break up. She's having a very hard time letting go, and wants to let him know just how much he has hurt her with the things he said.

Here's her email:

Thank you for all of the tips to make this new year successful!

I am a 58 year old woman that was in a long term (17 year) on and off relationship.  Right after New Years, he broke it off (not the first time) and said some very hateful and nasty things when he did (via email, of course).

Maybe I should back up a little.....

I live in CA and he lives in Oregon.  I have lived in Oregon with him and he has lived in CA with me and 3 times we have gone our separate ways, only to eventually work things out and get together again.

8 years ago, he lived with me in CA and I asked him to leave he had a horrible gambling problem and had started to put walls up all around.Continue Reading

How Do I Say No When I Can't Stop Thinking About Him?

45 Comments

A beautiful woman is trying to break free of a guy that she can never seem to say no to.
How do I say no to him?

Our gorgeous friend, who has called herself "Mayan Goddess", is wondering how to break free of a guy that she can never seem to say no to.

Here's her story:

He says it's complicated with his on-and-off-again girlfriend... He said, I don't want to break your heart.

How do I know when to say, "no" when all I think about is being with him?

My story short version:  It was three years ago when I first laid eyes on him.  He started working where I was filling in for a coworker for a month. It was weird. We couldn't keep our eyes off each other. I would catch him staring at me.

When we looked at each other it was like we were gazing at the stars (at least from everyone else's opinion.) I was married at the time. He had a girlfriend.  Although, we chatted every now and then, we were respectful to one another.

It took three weeks before I mentioned I was married and before he mentioned his "girlfriend."

We were in the elevator alone one time and I just was so nervous, I was red and felt like I couldn't breathe. He, too, was red staring at me and having small talk. It was only 20 seconds or so but felt like it was an eternity.....

I filled in every now and then for my coworker for three more months.... He finally was transferred (or moving up the ladder) and went on to his next assignment.  We never did anything nor ever said anything for that matter, but we just knew.

That was the last time I seen him. 2012/February... I had said to myself, "Wow, Lord. How lucky is his girlfriend? What I would give to experience being with such a highly-respected/kind/thoughtful guy??? She's super lucky!"

In those two-and-a-half years,I thought about him often. Wondered if we would cross paths again. I knew sooner or later we would. It was inevitable because of where we worked.  (Legal system.)

I had been in a abusive marriage for a very long time. My marriage finally ended.Continue Reading

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