Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

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Does It Serve You?

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Beautiful woman looking out the window on a rainy day, wondering if it serves her.
Does it wrap it's arms around you?

I want to be so clear here.

You are not your mom's programming or your dad's programming or your grandparents' programming or whoever else went before you and said this is the way it is or this is what we believe, and then subtly (or not so subtly) passed it on down to you to become your own.

If you know anything about our cellular level memory, you know we absorb these types of messages in our very being. Where we have no conscious memory, we have the cellular kind.

This is why our patterns of survival, the way we love, what we can't believe could possibly be true, and all our defensive behaviors that keep us walled-off from our truth, are so difficult to change.

At that deep cellular level, we've absorbed only their deep truth.Continue Reading

The Reason You Still Can't Believe It's Not You

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A beautiful woman looks down, sad, wondering if her boyfriend is getting distant.
Why do we do this?

I've been having some deep discussions on my calls lately, around the underlying subject of our longings for unconditional love.

Leftover from our childhoods, from a place most of us have never connected to the present, until we realize something must be amiss for us to keep attracting and choosing the men that we do. The irony is that while we long for unconditional love with every part of our heart and soul, we look for it precisely from the ones completely incapable of giving us that kind of love.

Why do we do this?

It makes no sense to our logical minds, but the pull is so strong (and entirely subconscious) to extract this kind of love from someone who cannot give it to us because he never received enough of any kind of love to have a place of overflow within himself that it could even come from.

Why the pull? It's because it's so familiar.

It's once again someone with so much potential because they give us glimpses of that soft part within them. We take that and run with it because even just the feeling of the possiblity of that potential lights us up to the possibility of what might be. This time might be different. This time. The promise of which is so familiar. Continue Reading

The Other Influence

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legs mother and daughter little girl fashionista in pink shoes on high heels
Indeed, on the surface, it seems like the culturally ascribed perfect mother-daughter relationship.

Years ago, I began my blog writing about the link between the emotionally unavailable men we choose and our own emotionally unavailable fathers.

And while so many of you found your answers in exactly that connection, there was another group of women finding their way here as well.

For them, this wasn't at all about their fathers. It was about their .... mothers.

The first one I chalked up to an anomaly. A few more and I still thought it was rare. But the more women I worked with, the more I realized there was something here I had to explore further. Book after book and article after article, combined with in-person interviews confirmed for me what my real-life experience had suggested.

It wasn’t just our emotionally unavailable dads who had created this pattern of attraction as normal in our lives; for many of us, it was our mothers.Continue Reading

A Mother's Day Tribute To You Single Moms

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I am thinking of each of you single moms out there who rarely get the recognition and appreciation that you so deserve each and every day. A single mom or single mother playing with her child in bed with the sheets.It is Mother's Day today, and I am especially thinking of each of you single moms out there who rarely get the recognition and appreciation that you so deserve each and every day.

Because unlike other moms who share the role of raising children with a partner, you walk this path alone.

Some of you have help and support (never enough),  some of you don't have any, but all of you know what it's like to be the sole person that your child relies on to do all those little – and many times big – things you do to make their world a better place.

This is for all of the wonderful, loving things you do:

 

  • For all the owies you make better with your kisses.
  • For all the sleepless nights you endure taking care of little sick ones – or ones that just can't sleep.
  • For all the times you listen when all you really want is to be heard yourself.
  • For all the stories you read and tell, for all the castles you build, the cardboard houses you make, the art projects you share, the homework you help with, the all of the  never ending cleanup you do.

 

And for all the many, many other practical details of life – like cooking and cleaning and shopping and carpooling and helping in every way – each of these things you do make the world a better place because you are raising a child who sees that this is just what you do when you're their everything.

This path of motherhood teaches us so many things too, just as our children teach us the true meaning of giving and self-sacrifice.  And about loving another human being whose world we are to them.

Don't ever doubt what you're doing.

Don't ever question that being a mom is the single most difficult job in the world.  It's also the single most rewarding.

Don't ever wonder if you're good enough or up for the challenge. You are.

It doesn't matter whatever circumstances brought you to where you are today, you are the absolute most beautiful gift your children will ever know.

It is because of you that they will grow up knowing what it truly means to love and give to another human being. Just because you're you.

For you, here's a smile, an understanding hug, and a few compassionate tears. You, my beautiful friend, are doing a great job – keep up the good work!

Happy Mother's Day.

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