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How she went from heartbroken & hopeless to happily married in one year

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Happy just married young couple, wedding.
We were just married in Jamaica!

It all began when Becca responded to my call to claim the year as HER year to find the love she’d been searching for her whole life. In response to an email I sent out to my subscriber list, she responded with this.

Jane, I'm doing this. This is my year to find the love I've been wanting my whole life!"

I made a commitment to not go after the man that abandoned me and my children three times this last year and a half - I am worth more than how I have been treated- my children deserve a good man in their lives that values them as his own. No more will I beg or chase a man. I will allow only good in my life and my children's lives. 

- Becca

 I responded back to her with this email:

Awesome, Rebecca! I'm so glad you're here.

There is nothing like these words, spoken with conviction, to put this into motion, to claim your right to have exactly the kind of love you were made for!Continue Reading

I found out he's married. Should I leave him?

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Couple not talking after a fight on the sofa in living room at home
He said he was single!

Tina wrote to me about a man she's in love with who also happens to be married. Whether you've ever found yourself in a similar situation or just have a response to this one, I'm sure you'll have something you want her to know.

Her Email:

Hi Jane,

I'm been in love with a married man for over a year now. I found out that he is married but he said he was single.  We have said "I love you" to each other. I'm not sure what to do.  I'm not sure if he really loves his wife or not.  Should I leave him?

TinaContinue Reading

He Lied to Me

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A beautiful woman is feeling sad and broken hearted about her relationship.
I feel so betrayed and used.

Our letter this week comes from one of our beautiful readers, Renee, who just found out last week that the man she was planning her future with, lied to her. She's heartbroken and doesn't know where to start with moving on with her life. Here's what she had to say along with my response.

Her story:

Hello Jane,

I found your blog while searching for an answer to my question in Google.

I have been dating this guy for almost 4 months. I introduced him to my friends and family. My friends and family accepted him; he is the first guy I introduced to them. We planned our future and decided to get married this summer. I know people are questioning us why it's so quick when we just met.

Last week, I found out that he was married.

When I called him and asked him if it is true, he said yes, that he got married 6 years ago but that they already separated and his wife has her own family now.

I asked him why he lied not just to me, he lied to all the people around us.

He said he is single, and he doesn't want to talk about his past anymore.Continue Reading

He Says He Wants to Marry Me, But Something Always Seems to Happen

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A beautiful woman is sitting on the couch upset because she wants to be married and have children and her boyfriend does not want marriage.
I'm sick of it, but I really care for him...

This week, beautiful Kimberly writes to tell us about her (very) long term relationship with a man who just can't seem to commit to marriage with her.

Here's what she wrote:

I've been in a relationship for over 8 years. Well there's been a lot of stuff that has happened between us.

Today we aren't getting along at all. He lives with his mother and has a daughter who had kids. His daughter is 30 and the fathers of these kids will not have anything to do with the kids.

This guy has said he wants to marry me over the years and something always seem to happen to him that he won't marry me.

He acts like all he wants to do is be with his grandchildren and will make no time to build a relationship with us. There's nothing wrong with his daughter that she can't take care of her 2 kids but over the past 1.5 years we fight about this all the time.Continue Reading

I Want Commitment and Marriage, But He Doesn't Believe In It

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A tug of war between a man and a woman with an engagment ring on a string, signifying non commitment to marriage.
He doesn't think he needs a marriage certificate to love someone.

Gorgeous Alison writes to us about her long term relationship with a man who can't seem to give her the commitment she wants. She wants the whole package, including the wedding.

Her story:

Hi Jane

I am 51, 52 in January and I have been with my partner/boyfriend for 4 years. I was married for 5 years, before that my husband and I dated for 6 years before we tied the knot.

He mentally abused me and cheated on me with a much younger woman, which left me extremely insecure in every relationship since then. I have little or no self-esteem and since my divorce 20 years, I have been insecure and have had many failed relationships.Continue Reading

The Trap Most of Us Fall Into

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A mousetrap with a red felt heart representing the trap that many women fall into of comparing themselves to others.You’re learning by now that being anything but your true self isn't going to help you find the guy or the love that you’re looking for.

You’re figuring out that whoever you really are is enough for someone who’s truly right for you, even if you still have some work to do on this one.

You get the idea.

You’re learning how to accept the reality of what is instead of the fairytale that you so want it to be.

You’re recognizing that you’re the one doing the choosing, and not the other way around. That it’s your choice, your decision, and that short-term heartbreak is always better than investing more time, more energy, more of your beautiful self in someone who isn't there and, more importantly, doesn't want to be.

And as difficult as these concepts have been for you to get to, you’re getting there. It’s not just me now saying these things to you, you’re starting to see these truths in your own life and put them into your own words.

But there’s something else you’re doing that isn't doing anything to help your confidence or self-esteem, and you’re not alone in failing to see how this keeps hurting you in more ways than you realize time and time again.

It’s this awful habit so many of us have of comparing yourself to others.

It’s this looking at who’s single and who’s not.

It’s this looking at what they've got that you think you don’t. It’s this competitive type thinking that leaves you feeling so much worse - not better - about yourself and who you are.

Because the reality is this isn't a competition.

This isn't about vying for a place in some love contest where there’s only a select group of winners. This isn't about trying to be more than someone else is or trying to figure out what they have that you don’t and why this makes you wrong.

They have their own story (and it’s probably not the story you think it is).

But it’s not about them.

It’s about you.

This is about finding your own path, finding out who you are and what you need to be happy. This is about learning to love yourself for who you are. Sure, we all want to be our best selves and make whatever changes we want to make to be the best people we can be.

But it’s not about changing the essence of who you are in the process.

It’s about acceptance, love and compassion. For who you are and how far you've come! For all that you have, for all that you are, for all that you have to offer and all that no one else in the world has quite like you do.

For all that makes you uniquely you.

Our culture may have us all believing it’s all about looks; how attractive you are, how sexy you are, how physically perfect you are by a standard that isn't even real, as we’re finding out all the time.

But real love isn't about that. If it were, only the attractive people would find love and everyone else would be alone. In fact, I've discovered it to be quite the opposite. The majority of people who have the easiest time finding love and getting married are some of the most “average” people I know by our culture’s standards.

But to the ones they’re with, they’re anything but “average”.

And it’s also no coincidence that many of the women who have the hardest time finding someone are some of the most beautiful women by that same cultural standard.

Find the beauty in you.

Inside and out.

Make a list of all those beautiful qualities you possess. Use affirmations to help you remember these and post that list somewhere that you can easily see it on a daily basis.

Write out everything you have to offer someone who shows himself to be worthy of you.

You won’t need to convince him of your worth. You won’t need to sell him on you. If he’s the one for you, he’ll see it for himself .  And if he doesn't, let that be your sign. He’s not the one.

That’s always how you know.

Have you found yourself falling into the trap of comparing yourself to other women - either women you know, or in the media? Tell us about it in the comments!

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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