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4 Valuable Lessons 2020 Taught Me about Life, Love, and Happiness

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A beautiful woman is leaning on a railing against a sunset, disappointed she hasn't heard from her boyfriend.
At least we learned some important lessons this year.

I’ve gotten to know so many of you this year. Some for the first time, and others much more deeply than I had before.

Your stories, your heartbreaks, your dreams, your hopes, your plans – and the realities of this year that brought so many of them to an abrupt halt.

It’s been such an honor to share in your lives!

If it wasn’t exactly the year you wanted to have, with yet another chapter of your life closing with the same now familiar ending - another year alone - I hope my message today resonates with you.Continue Reading

Am I Blocking Love?

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A beautfiul woman is feeling anxiety over asking for what she needs.
I think I may be sabotaging my own love life.

Our letter this week comes from Maya, who's wondering if she may be blocking love from her life.

Here's what she had to say and my response:

Hello Jane,

Thank you for all the great emails and answers I have read till now. They are really helpful to get more and more insight.

I would really like to know your idea about this since I feel I need an outer perspective.

In short, a bit of my background.

Growing up I became a people-pleaser to avoid violence. And I got scared and always looked outside myself for love, running after men. Of course with the wrong results.

Went from abusive men to boring men.Continue Reading

Why You Can't Wait Anymore

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Rear view of a woman holding the curtains open to look out of a large light window at home.
Don't be her.

You've been waiting for someone your whole life, haven't you?

Whether it was your mom to love you, your dad to be proud of you, or your teachers to like you, your friends to include you, your boyfriends to never leave you, you've been waiting for someone to do something you wanted them to do your entire life.

To love you.

To want you.

To hold you.

To be with you.

To choose you.

To commit to you.

To never, ever leave you.

Except that never worked out the way it was supposed to.Continue Reading

You know that relationship that broke your heart? Yeah, that one ...

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Beautiful woman looking out the window on a rainy day, wondering if it serves her.
This is the one that made that difference.

Don't you dare discount this relationship that didn't work out, that broke your heart as having happened for no reason at all.

It may not have turned out the way you hoped it would be. It might not have lived up to its potential that only you could see.

But girl, it wasn't nothing.

Don't ever discount each and every one of the relationships and experiences you've gone through as nothing. That has the effect of making you feel like nothing is happening behind the scenes for you.

That's NOT what's going on. Even if you can't see anything happening yet, that's still not what's going on.

Here's why I'm bringing this up right now. See, this woman I've been coaching for awhile now has been through just about everything. Every type of guy, especially the "so much potential" kind.Continue Reading

Is it love? Or just what you're used to?

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A heartbroken woman with her head in her hands, wondering how do I let go?
Why does it feel like a punishment?

I've noticed a theme in the conversations we've been having lately.

I hear you say you think you're being punished.

You've had such bad luck with men, you're convinced it's got to be some form of punishment.

I hear you say you think it's because of something you did or something you should have known better to do.

I hear you say there's just some reason that you're being put through whatever it is you're going through - as if someone or something called God or love or fate - or whatever you believe in - could do something like this to you.

Drop that story, Beautiful. It's old. It's not true. It's not loving. And it's so unkind to you.Continue Reading

The One Thing You Were Never Meant to Do

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A brunette woman feeling lonely in her relationship sits looking at the ocean.
Let's try something different this time.

You were never supposed to fit in.

Not the way you thought.

You with your one of a kind way of seeing the world.

You with your own unique essence of being in the world. No, you were never supposed to fit in.

You know why you feel like there must be something wrong with you?

Because everyone's been trying to get you to conform and fit in the way they wanted you to your entire life.

Now imagine you trying to go against the grain and resist that when that's all you've ever had reinforced for you.

Not easy, is it? Continue Reading

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