know what you don’t want

What do you ACTUALLY need?

Beautiful blond woman feeling rejected after guy disappeared. — Sometimes what you think you want is not what you actually need.

The biggest breakthroughs in my coaching practice happen when you realize what you actually need, not just what you're so used to saying you want.

I lived almost my entire single life saying I wanted one thing when I really wanted something very different, so I'm really good at helping you see these things when you can't see them for yourself. Usually, I end up confirming what you know in your heart you've needed all along, but the way it looks when it finds you can be very confusing because it's not what you expected it to be.

See if this makes it any clearer for you.Continue Reading

Mr. Potential

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Happy young man and woman in a car enjoying a road trip on a summer day. Couple out on a drive in a open car. — He gives you everything you want ... except for a commitment.

So, Beautiful, we need to talk about this guy who shows you so much potential but so little else. It's the conversation we never want to have, but we have to.

Too much is at stake. There's too much to lose.

For you.

I don't care about him right now. I care about you.

I spend most of my time on the phone, over Zoom, and on my laptop talking about him. Yesterday, I spent a couple hours answering an email coaching letter saying everything I ever wanted to say to someone on this topic and it made me realize this conversation is long overdue.

I've tried so hard to be gentle with you, bringing you up to your own level of awareness so you can see this for yourself. But the letter I read today broke me.Continue Reading

You've done well, Beautiful.

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A beautiful woman holds her hands out in the shape of a heart while watching the sunset at the beach. — But what has all that done for you?

You’ve done well, haven't you, Beautiful?

You’ve behaved perfectly.

You’ve shown him he doesn’t have to worry about you being one of those women who pressures her guy into more than he's ready for. You've shown him you really can be that "cool" girl, and not the clingy, needy one he can't handle.

But what has all that done for you?

You’re more invested now. There's more to lose.

You don’t need to talk to him. You already know where he stands.

So what do you do?

Talk to yourself first.

Get clear on who you are and what you want and what you will and won’t accept. See how that lines up with what he offers you and what you’re seeing from him.Continue Reading

Wondering why this seems so hard? Here's your reason.

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slender long-haired woman wearing white summer dress while walking on a green meadow towards a bright and sunny horizon. — This is how you right this wrong.

If this all seems so difficult to you, there's a reason.

It's because what we're essentially doing here is creating what we're looking for. We don't have a model for it. We haven't seen it before. We don't know what it looks like - at least not for ourselves.

We only have what we've been told it's like and what people describe to us it's going to look like when we find it.

The rest comes from us.

We have to get clear enough ourselves on what it is we're looking for so that we'll even be able to recognize it when it's in front of us.

We have to believe it's possible, by believing what we know was possible within ourselves and within people we've only heard stories about how it happened for them.

Wondering Why Clarity Matters? Here's Why

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When you don't know exactly what you want, when you don't know exactly what you're worth, when you don't know exactly what you deserve, you get exactly that.

A little of this, a little of that, but never what you're actually looking for - and what you actually want - underneath it all.

When you say "I'll see what I like, I'll see what I want", that's when you get EVERYTHING because now you're going to need to narrow it down.

Because the reality is, you actually do have preferences. You actually do have behaviors you won't tolerate.

That's why you're getting the ones you do, because if you don't first have that inner clarity, you're going to get a chance to find it - and that's usually not what we want, but it's what we get because it's what we need.

Sorting through is this process we're in.

Will you accept this? No, then how about this? Still not right? Ok, what about this?

Where are those boundaries you've never allowed yourself to have? The faster you go through this process, the more clarity you're going to have to get to what you actually want!

Why? Because he's the guy I chose.

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Cute little daughter and her handsome young dad in skirts are dancing and smiling while playing together in child's room — I can't imagine any of the men I dated before doing the same thing.

My husband got up at 4am to stand outside in a line outside my daughter's dance studio, to register her in a first-come first-served registration system (plenty we could say about that type of system, but for now, it is what it is). He let me sleep in and switch with him later.

He was the only dad there.

Why? Because he's the guy I chose.

Oh I chose a lot of men before him, but only because I didn't know myself well enough to know what I actually wanted, and would continue to want years down the road.

I can't imagine any of the men I dated previously doing the same thing, and that's precisely why none of them worked out.

After so much heartbreak chasing after all the wrong men for me, who of course seemed so right at the time (they always do!), I finally realized I wanted the family man. For real. Someone who puts his family first.Continue Reading

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What do you ACTUALLY need?

Mr. Potential

You've done well, Beautiful.

Wondering why this seems so hard? Here's your reason.

Wondering Why Clarity Matters? Here's Why

Why? Because he's the guy I chose.

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