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Finding Real Love

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Beautiful happy couple in love enjoying embrace of each other and tenderly smiling
It's real love. The kind I always wanted but didn’t quite understand until now.

You’ve asked me what it looks like. You’ve asked me how it happens.

And as much as I try to give you words that I hope will resonate most with you, there is nothing that compares to hearing from someone who was just like you, asking me these same questions.

Someone who wanted nothing more than to know the "what" and the "how" as well.

You met her on the blog about a year and a half ago, when she wrote to me after a devastating breakup, questioning "Will I Ever Find Someone Else?" Now, I have a follow-up letter from her that she wrote to share with our community.

Here's her story:

Dear Jane,

I have been meaning to write you for some time now to update you on my journey.

I’m not sure if you would remember me, but I wrote to you about a year and a half ago, writing under the alias “Looking for Hope"...

I had just ended an engagement with an emotionally unavailable man; I felt so heart-broken from my past and scared for the future, but what I felt the most was confusion. I didn’t know how or why what had happened with my ex-fiancé happened, but deep down I knew there were answers to those questions.

It was your blog and coaching sessions that was the beginning of me peeling away to get to the root of that confusion.Continue Reading

3 of the Best Places To Meet Men

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A gray computer keyboard with the word men in red letters
Where are the best places to meet men?

You’ve done the work. You’ve put in the time.

You get that you’re the one doing the choosing.

But now you’re stuck.

Where do you meet him? How does he find you? Where’s the pool of men you get to choose from? What are the best places to meet men?

These are the questions I hear so often.

Where is he?

While online dating is great, and becoming a more and more common and acceptable way of meeting a romantic partner, many of you have told me that you still would rather meet someone the old fashioned way.

So with that in mind, here are a few ideas of the best places to meet men that will help you to get you out of any rut you may be stuck in, and widen the circle of men that you're meeting.Continue Reading

She's You

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fantasy. woman in enigmatic meadow over cloudy sky
She has an important message for you...

She slowly comes into view.

Happy. Content. Peaceful.

You’ve been through it all. And now you’re there. He’s there with you. The one you thought you missed.

You didn’t.

The one you thought you’d never find.

You did.

The one you never dared to believe could find you.

And of course he found you.

How could he not?

All those things you thought were taking you away from all chances of ever finding him. They’re how he found you!Continue Reading

One Love

22 Comments

Heart shaped cloud image with the words "one love" written in them.
Is there really only one?

What could be more cruel?

Nothing more than the idea that there’s only one.

One love.

One him.

And only one.

You miss your chance, you mess this up, you screw it up – and you’re done.

One chance to get it right.

One chance to make it work.

One Mr. Right.

One soulmate.Continue Reading

So Where Is He?

30 Comments

A man stands on the edge of a pond looking at the city in the distance.
But still he eluded me.

Where is this elusive soul? Where does he hide? Where does he spend his time?

What places call to him, and who are the people he spends his time with?

I know this is what you're really asking.

Where is he? And where do I find him?

If there was one question I asked myself a thousand times, it was this one. There was no one who understood just how elusive he could be more than me.Continue Reading

Be Picky

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A beautiful woman with long blond hair in a white tank top is pointing her thumb down indicating that she is being picky in her relationships. She is picky because she knows what she wants and deserves.As in: refuse to settle for anything less than what you really want, and truly deserve.

So here we are - we’ve figured out who we really are, we’re confident, healthy, and we know exactly what we’re looking for. Now we’re ready to move on to what that looks like in real life – your real life. We have our clear definition of Mr. Right – we can picture him. Not necessarily what he looks like physically, but his qualities – he’s caring, kind, gentle, romantic – he has all of those traits that we just listed out earlier in Step #7.

So what now?

What do we do when that good looking guy that makes a lot of money asks us out and takes us to that romantic restaurant and starts sweeping us off our feet?

Well, this is where it gets tough – you have to ask yourself: does he match what I decided I was really looking for? You can’t let yourself be blinded by the excitement of being pursued – stick to your guns and remember what you want. If you decided kids are definitely in your future, you have to ask yourself -  is he going to be the good father that you’re looking for when he’s working 80 hour weeks to make all that money?

You're right - probably not.

And you definitely don’t want to go into it thinking he’ll change – odds are very much against that. It’s much more likely that there will be a lot of stress in the relationship down the road, which is why so many end in divorce.

And what if you’re currently in a relationship? Well, then you need to take a hard look at that relationship and see if it fits your new criteria. Typically, if you’re reading this book, the answer is that it doesn’t, and it’s time to move on. But sometimes, after finding ourselves and getting a little space to have our own life and realize what we really want in life, we’re able to look at things through new eyes and see that, well, maybe this is right for me.

And there’s an important point here I want to make because it’s just that important. What you’re looking for may be right there in front of you. It might be your current boyfriend, a (currently) platonic friend, or someone else you see every day but haven’t really noticed like that before. Sometimes once we really look inside ourselves and realize what’s really important to us that sweet but slightly awkward guy starts to look a little more…well, attractive. Even cute. And once you open your eyes and mind a bit more, and realize how well he’s treating you, and wow – he does have all the qualities I’m looking for - he even becomes downright sexy. Believe me, it happens all the time.

On the other hand, if you’re feeling like you’re in a one-sided relationship, not being able to come right out and tell him how you’re feeling, what you’d like from him and where you’re at, there’s probably a good reason for it. But test it - give him a chance to respond to what you’re feeling is lacking in the relationship, and see if anything changes. Because by giving it - the relationship - and him a chance, you’ll find out pretty quickly if it’s what you’re looking for. Or if the two of you really aren’t right for each other.

The whole settling thing isn’t about selling yourself short; it’s about clearing our paths for the right guy, the real thing. It’s about coming to the full realization that as much as we want to experience love in our lives, as much as we don’t want to be alone, we’re not willing to take just anyone to fill that void we’re feeling.

And in that knowledge, we become stronger, more confident, more ready for the real love of our lives to come on over as we start to attract more of what we’re putting out there.

That we’re worth it. Deserving.

So worth that kind of love with that kind of guy. And when it’s real, you’ll know it. Next we'll take a look at what to do with some of those old insecurities that surface even when we are finally getting it right...

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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