Frequently, whether we're currently in a relationship or we're single, we find ourselves looking for something, longing for something, and we're not sure exactly what it is. We're feeling empty inside, like there's a hollow space within us that we are desperately looking to fill in any way that we can.
So often what we’re really looking for is ourselves. We’ve gone so far away from our true selves that we don’t even know who we are anymore, much less that we are anything worth being with. We've done so much changing to fit what he wanted us to be, or what we thought he wanted us to be, that we don't even know who we are anymore.
We’ve drifted so far away from who we really are that it’s uncomfortable, like an awkward silence, when we’re alone with no one to make us feel worthy. Without someone else in our lives to make us feel validated, to make us feel chosen, to make us feel worthy, we find ourselves searching for that missing piece of us, for something to fill that void, something to make us feel whole, complete.
The point that we're completely missing is that we are whole; we are complete, in and of ourselves, without anyone else, without a guy. We don’t need anyone else to make us ok.
But that’s not how we feel. Whether it’s how we’re brought up or from the messages we receive from our culture, from our peer groups, from our families, from our schools, we’re given the opposite message: that there is something wrong with us.
And then all it takes is a relationship or two with someone who wasn’t a whole person himself to confirm that message so deep within us that we’re not worthy, that there is indeed something wrong with us, and that rejection further cements our unconscious belief that we need something outside of ourselves to complete us.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth. The reality is we don’t need anyone to complete us. We don’t need anyone or anything outside of ourselves to validate us, make us a whole, to prove our worthiness. The reality is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with us. We’re not damaged goods.
It may be difficult to believe this, at first, but if you keep reminding yourself you will finally begin to believe the truth – that you are beautiful, you have so much worth, and you deserve to be loved and treated with respect and kindness.
And you are complete within yourself.
Because it's only when we really understand this truth, that we are complete within ourselves, that we are able to be a part of a healthy relationship with someone else.