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You're Looking for the Wrong Thing

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A beautiful woman is feeling lonely and sad, feeling as though nothing will ever change.
We're going about it all the wrong way.

Something hit me the other day.

I've been thinking about this for awhile now, wondering about what makes the difference between those who have so much to offer and go on to find someone with ease, and those of us who struggle so hard to find what we're looking for, or even anything close.

I've tried to break this down for you in a way that you can clearly see what's happening, so that you can easily see this pattern, and put it into words so you can finally do something about it.

I've got those words for you now.

And what it comes down to is that most of us who are struggling so hard with meeting the right guy or the right people or the right job or the right whatever, are all struggling with the same thing.

We're on the wrong search.Continue Reading

The Antidote to Anxious, Questioning, and Wondering

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Couple holding hands towards the sun with bright sun flare between the silhouetted fingers on a pale blue sky, close up view in a conceptual image.
When you change your focus, the unexpected happens.

I'm realizing I need to share more of these stories with you.

Real stories of other women just like you, finding your way here because my messages about your worth and your value resonated with you.

Real stories of happy endings, like the one you can't see when you're in the middle of what you're going through right now.

If you haven't already figured this out, I'm not just about getting a guy; I'm about finding yourself, finding your worth - finding your value - and from there, creating a life for yourself that includes you finding the guy you've been looking for all along.

That's what happens when you find yourself first. When you change your focus to you, away from him, the unexpected - the seemingly impossible at the time - always finds you.

That's what happened for Lynn.

Continue Reading

It Won’t Always Be This Way

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A woman in a white cotton dress is walking through tall grass.
Every day we wake up to an opportunity to choose something different.

If there's one thing I want you to take from what I have to say today, it's this:

It won't always be this way.

Most of how we respond, operate and act is based on the completely wrong assumption that it's always going to be this way.

That nothing is going to get better, we're never going to have the life we want, the new guy is never going to turn into the right guy, and that new job, new career opportunity is never going to happen for us.

It belies whatever we're saying on the surface because it's so deeply embedded in our subconsciousness. You don't even realize it's there except by the fact that nothing changes, nothing gets better, the new guy never turns into the right guy, and that new career opportunity never materializes.

See what happened there?

Nothing changes because we don't actually believe anything is capable of changing. For all our hope, for all our words to the contrary, our actual actions keep creating more and more of the same.

Because of that subconscious belief system again!

But things DO change.Continue Reading

One Big Problem Most Of Us Overlook In A Man

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A woman is reading self-improvement books to understand herself better.
You're doing the work on yourself - why isn't he?

He’s got everything you’ve been looking for. Tall, dark, handsome – or its equivalent.

He treats his mother well, he’s lots of fun and attentive. He actually takes you on real dates and is intellectually stimulating as well.

And then there’s that connection you share. You felt it almost right away.

So far, so good, right? So far, really good!

But let's get back to basics. Back to the things we think we know, that we forget along the way.Continue Reading

The Woman I Have to Thank for My 15 Year Marriage

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Scene two rings as symbol of fifteen years of marriage.
This week is my 15th wedding anniversary - and I have one person to thank for it.

I’d been looking for Mr. Right since I was a little girl.

Yes, I was one of those.

I grew up immersed in fairy tales, fantasizing about the day my prince would find me and make all my dreams come true.

The problem was, it didn't happen. At least not the way I thought it would. See, I wanted to be married at 18.

That was my goal.

Yes, that was actually the sole motivation for every single thing I did. Well, that and making a difference in the world, but even that was usually somehow related.

Every job I applied for, every opportunity I took advantage of, every place I traveled to, all of it was about finding love. And by finding love, I mean, finding HIM.

Except that my journey should have been called "Looking for love in all the wrong places" because that’s what it amounted to. Look for love in all the wrong places, from all the wrong people, with all the wrong motivation.Continue Reading

Is He The One For Me?

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A happy couple in love embrace outside.
How will I know if he's the one for me?

You want to know. No, you need to know.

Is he The One for me?

I get asked this question all the time. Did I know my husband was the one when we were dating? How long did it take before I knew for sure? And how do you know?

Is it the way he makes you feel?

Is it how he treats you?

Is it how much chemistry there is between you?

Well, I can tell you that when we first met, I didn’t know for sure. In fact, since we met twice (with a year and a half between the first and the second time) I can tell you that the first time I definitely didn’t know for sure.

But was it because of anything to do with him? Or was it more likely because I had learned from my long line of heartbreaking experiences with men that it takes more than a date or two to know for sure if anyone is the one?Continue Reading

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