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Everything But Love

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A heart with a red slash through it.I often find inspiration for my articles and posts in unexpected ways from sources I don't always anticipate. Yes, I get tons and tons of inspiration from your comments, your letters, your facebook posts and messages and from the wonderful conversations within the community we've built here. But sometimes it comes right out of left field.

The inspiration for this post came the other day while I was on hold.

Instead of the usual "elevator" music, this time I found myself listening to a song I hadn't heard since my early single days (and it was considered an oldie even then).

"I want you (I want you...), I need you (I need you...), but there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you; Now don't be sad (don't be sad...), cause two out of three ain't bad."

With a bit of a jolt, it all came rushing back to me.

I used to love this song!

I'd belt it out at the top of my lungs in the car (with the windows up), in the shower, or whenever it came on the radio and I happened to be in a place where I felt free to sing out loud.

But now with all I knew and everything I'd learned and all the cultural programming – including songs just like this – behind all the ideals I used to hold onto, I listened to the words in disbelief.

Wait - what?Continue Reading

How Your Hidden Beliefs Are Ruining Your Love Life

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A beautiful woman in a purple shirt against a blackboard with drawn clouds circling around her wonders how her hidden beliefs are ruining her love life. What do you think of when you think about true love?

Do you think it absolutely happens to everyone, or do you think it's very rare, and only happens to others - you know, the ones who are lucky, beautiful, talented, or have something else that you don't seem to have?

You’re not alone – I used to feel that way, too.

I would look around at all of my happily married friends, (or worse, the ones who were soon to be married as I went to look at wedding dresses with them and be fitted for my own bridesmaid dress), and wonder what they had that I didn't because I was convinced there had to be something in them that wasn't in me.

I know exactly how you feel.

You feel like they have something that you're missing. That there's some secret you don't know about, or aren't capable of. That they have something you don't.

They always seem to have something we don't have – we even tend to use the phrase "you're so lucky" when referring to the guy they found.

And it only seems to get worse the older you get.

You can just feel yourself staring at that hypothetical, but still very real biological clock ticking away, as you do the math in your head: If I meet him right now, and we date for a year, then get engaged and married a year later, I'll be (insert any horribly old-sounding age here).

It's enough to drive even the most stable, intelligent woman to extreme anxiety levels, leading to that downward spiral where we can find ourselves doing all the desperate things we promised ourselves we’d never do.

But there’s something you need to know about this because it doesn't have to be this way for any of us, and especially not for you.

You see, that very thinking is a big part of what's keeping you from having the kind of love that you want in your life.

That kind of thinking leads to fear – the fear that you'll never find the right guy. Fear leads to anxiety, and anxiety leads to desperation.

It's a downward spiral that you have to get yourself out of as quickly as you can.

But I also know that it's not as easy as it sounds.

In order to get out of this downward spiral that you're caught up in, you first need to know exactly what your true thoughts are about love, and why you have those thoughts.

We might think "Yes, I know that love is everywhere", but deep down inside we don't really believe it. This is due to your life programming, whether it came from your parents, teachers, or other role models in your life, or you friends and peers. In fact, you're still being programmed, even at this stage in your life - not the least of which is by the media, movies, television shows and magazines.

But armed with this knowledge, just be being open to seeing this programming for what it is, you also have the power to change it. It doesn't have to be this way because this isn't what love is at all.

Here's the truth:

Love isn't particular. Love isn't selective. Love doesn't just gravitate towards the people that are perfect. In fact, some of the most imperfect people were the ones who were getting married all around me!

Love is everywhere. Love is for everyone, including you.

But it’s not necessarily the kind of love that you've been programmed to believe in.

  • It’s not the kind found in fairy tales - that's the kind that doesn't exist in real life.
  • It’s not the kind that’s led you to believe you have to prove your worth to get it - the kind that you have to work for.
  • It’s not the kind that you have to try to find by being something other than your true self with someone who isn't capable of the kind of love you’re looking for.
  • It’s not the kind that has you accepting whatever crumbs someone is willing to throw at you in the name of love.
  • It’s not the kind that conquers love if there isn't love there in the first place.
  • And no, it’s never the dramatic roller-coaster kind.

It is the kind that happens between two people who are on the same page who want the same level of commitment with each other and are both willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.

It’s real. It’s authentic, and it happens between two real people who understand all this and refuse to settle for anything less.

But you have to be open to seeing the difference between what love really is and who it’s for and what your very powerful belief system - the one you've been creating you're entire life - would have you believing.

You have to be willing to see the difference – and take a chance on experiencing that difference for what it is. Real. Authentic. True.

And that is exactly what you do deserve. All of us do.

Because when you change your outlook on love to one of abundance instead of scarcity, to one that’s available to every single one of us,  you will open yourself to accept the love that is flowing all around you.

All you have to do is be open enough to allow it in.

See it, notice it, accept it.

And know that it's there for you, too.

What beliefs about love are you holding onto that might be keeping you from having the kind of love you want? Tell us about it in the comments!

The Very First Thing You Need To Do Is...

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A beautiful woman is doing deep breathing exercises in order to relax, find her center, release her anxiety and let love into her life. She wants to find her true love.Stop.

And take a deep breath.

And know that it's all going to be OK. It's going to be different this time.

Because we're going to do things differently this time.

When I look back in my own life, when I was at the exact point where you are right now, when I answered the call of my heart and declared to the Universe, out loud and in no uncertain terms, that I was finally ready for the real thing, I wanted it bad and I wanted it fast.

When I finally realized that I needed to do something different, when I finally acknowledged that what I had been doing wasn't working, when I was finally done with the chasing, with the trying to make one more someone love me who wasn't meant for me, I felt like I was so ready!Continue Reading

Your One New Year's Resolution This Year

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A beautiful woman holding out her hands with both thumbs up.
This is the only resolution you need to make!

I hope you had a wonderful holiday and you're going into the New Year with joy, health and happiness.

I always love starting a new year. I love the feeling of renewal that it offers and the enticing promise of a fresh start with a clean slate.

The feeling of change in the air.

But I also know that when it comes to making New Year's Resolutions, sometimes we can go over the top with all the goals we set out to accomplish.

I do it too.

We all go in, raring to go, with tons of energy and high expectations and a list of changes we want to make that's as long as our arm:

I'm going to lose weight!

I'm going to get a better job!

I'm going to save money!

I'm going to eat more vegetables!

I'm going to get out of debt!

I'm going to call my Mom more often!

Continue Reading

Go Where You Are Loved

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Friendship, support, compassion, empathy word cloud representing that you should go where you are loved.Why is it that we keep finding ourselves with people who don't love us like we deserve to be loved?

It doesn't matter whether we're talking about our friendships, our acquaintances with co-workers or our romantic love relationships, the point is the same. We're often drawn to people who aren't good for us.

There are so many reasons. Whether it's because of our backgrounds, our internal programming, our belief systems, the way we view ourselves or the false belief that we have to do something to be loved, we keep finding ourselves in that same place we think is the best we can do.

We don't even realize it.

It's so subconscious, most of the time we don't even realize it. In fact, even when we have that twinge of something not feeling quite right deep within us, that feeling of unease or anxiousness that we can't quite put a finger on, we still choose to stay where we are, believing that everything will work out if we just give it some more time.Continue Reading

Why Not You?

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A beautiful woman runs through a sunlit field with her arms outstretched, believing in love
Love is for everyone, including you!

I know we all have our reasons.

We all have our deeply ingrained stories about our lives and our loves that we've been programmed with since before we could even talk.

Stories we've been told, and have been re-telling ourselves for so long that they’re now simply a part of our subconscious belief system.

Embedded in our psyches.

And these stories keep us stuck.

It's what keeps us attracting men who are below that level. It's what keeps us attracted to men below that level.

It's what keeps us thinking things like "He's out of my league" and "I'm not good enough for a guy like him." All because we don’t believe we’re worth more than this.

So when we’re out and about, who is it we find ourselves attracted to? We don’t even notice the ones who would never dream of treating us the way we’re allowing ourselves to be treated. We don’t even see him among the crowd and we never give him the opportunity to see us because we’re operating at that level of belief that we are only worth so much.

And nothing more.Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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