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The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Won't Commit

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You're the one who really has tried everything to get him to come around and fully commit. You're the one who's given him more than enough time to come around and finally make the commitment . A beautiful woman is upset that her boyfriend won't give her the commitment she wants.You know exactly who you are.

You're the one who really has tried everything to get him to come around and fully commit. You're the one who's given him more than enough time to come around and finally make the commitment that would make everything perfect.

And now you know all that's left to do is accept that he just isn't there, isn't on the same page you are, and let him go. Except for one thing. You simply can't imagine just letting him go and moving on with your life.

You'd love to be able to just say "next", but that's just not you.

Because you're you. And because you're you – that beautiful, soft, loving, forgiving, understanding, compassionate, helpful, giving, caring, hopeful you – is exactly why you're about to do the very worst thing you could do.

You blame yourself.

You start thinking you were too pushy, too naggy, too demanding, too impatient, too sensitive, too insecure, too anxious, too needy.

You beat yourself up, you berate yourself, telling yourself if you had only done things differently, you would be together.

You keep going back and second guessing yourself, admonishing yourself that if only you had done this, or if only you hadn't done that. If only you hadn't said that. If only you hadn't gone there. If only, if only, if only.

Until finally, you convince yourself that this is really all your fault, that you simply aren't enough for him, that there is something wrong with you. I know that's what you're thinking because that's what I always thought too. Well, I have one thing to say to you:Continue Reading

How to Attract the Guy You Really Deserve and Avoid The Ones You Don't

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You've heard it said time and time again. You deserve so much more than this! You've even said it yourself more times than you care to remember.

But every time you say it, every time you decide that enough is enough and this time you are finally going to hold out for what you truly deserve, you continue to find yourself back right where you came from. As much as you don't want to.

But what does that really mean?

You think you get it.

You say you know you deserve someone who treats you well, is compatible with you, shares the same values, wants the same things in life, is attractive, communicates with you and has all the other signs of a healthy relationship. But why then, do you keep closing the door on the ones who have all this and do all this, while you keep the door open for the ones who don't?

While it may seem like it's just the common theme that we always want what we can't have, I believe there's another reason that this all-too-common scenario happens to us.Continue Reading

Be Confident: You Know Who You Really Are

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That internal voice - it's always there, undermining your confidence, silently eroding your self-esteem, but you know who you really are. A beautiful young woman is thinking about who she really is, and her confidence level.There's that little voice inside your head that seems to pop up whenever you're at your most vulnerable. Whenever you're already questioning yourself and what you're doing and whether or not you really do deserve the best that love and life have to offer.

For many of us, it's subtle and not loud enough to do too much damage. But for some of us, it's very loud. We never hear the actual words, but the damage it does to our hearts, our souls, our very beings, is catastrophic. It's always there, undermining your confidence, silently eroding your self-esteem.

It beats us down, keeps us down, and causes us to lose sight of our dreams, our goals, our hopes. It does the most damage to the most sensitive among us, who heard those words often enough in our lives from outside of ourselves that they are now just part of who we are.

We don't even question it.

It starts as subtle as being told to dream small. To protect ourselves by not expecting too much. Or it might be that we were laughed at when we had an idea that was all our own. It seemed brilliant to us, but to them, it was laughable, cute, funny. Which would be OK, if we weren't so serious.

So then, the next time, it's not surprising that we don't think it's so brilliant, and eventually, when we have these ideas, or think we can do something or become something or even try something, our very next thoughts are that it's laughable, cute, funny. Until, over time, as we repeat this process, we start to not only view our ideas and dreams and aspirations this way, but we come to see ourselves like this too.

Because it's not too big of a stretch when you're young and impressionable and the people who respond to you like this are your world. At a time when you see your ideas, your thoughts of all that you can do, as not being so separate from your self. This all happened before you learned that they don't know everything, that you might even know more than a thing or to, that you might actually know exactly who you are and what you can really do!

But once the suggestion is there, once we've heard those voices from the outside telling us what we can and can't do – as if they know us so much better than we know ourselves - then it's such a small step to internalize that voice and make it our own.

Which is exactly what happened.

Which is exactly why we didn't even know this voice was there. Until we find ourselves later in life wondering why we think so little of ourselves, and why we make choices that don't honor our true selves. Choices that leave us settling for less than what we know we want, and deserve. It's exactly why we find ourselves repeating the same patterns over and over again no matter how much we try to do things differently.

Because that voice is just too strong.

And too prevalent. And too much a part of us. In order to change our internal voice we need to be reminded over and over again, just as many times as we heard it in the first place, that what our current voices are saying is just not true. Until we can make the truth the only voice we hear and make it our own.

There's nothing laughable, or cute or funny about any of this. This staying small, and giving ourselves away because we don't believe we're worth more. This accepting of crumbs and whatever someone will give us to make us feel worthy. This life we've accepted that is so much less that the life we were meant to live! This inferiority, or it's opposite - the inflated superiority - that only hides that hurting little girl underneath the facade.

We've lived like this for so long, we don't even realize it's this subtle internal voice that's underneath it all. Keeping us stuck. Holding us back. Reminding us that it's not worth it, that we're not worth it, whenever we summon up enough courage to attempt to let our lights shine bright.

Until now. It stops here. No more. That voice is wrong. That message is incorrect. Mistaken. You are all that! You deserve all that! It's time to take back our confidence and self-esteem. There's only one response to that voice – tell it that you know exactly who you are! And you deserve the very best of everything beautiful, and wonderful, and amazing that love and life have to offer! There is so much more to your life! And they didn't know better and still no one knows better than you do. You can do that. You can have that. You can be all that! You are all that!

So be confident, dream those dreams, set your goals high, and allow yourself to feel that confidence. Don't allow anyone to tell you that you can't do that, not even you!

Because it's not really you. It's them.

And they didn't know. You have nothing to prove, there's nothing to show them. Just do it for you, and all that you're worth, and all that you are. You, my beautiful friend, deserve nothing, absolutely nothing, less than this!

It's Your Decision

54 Comments

A beautiful woman lies in bed next to her boyfriend, wondering what decision to make.
I know it's not easy.

What can you live with?

Whatever he's doing or isn't doing; whatever you want him to do that he can't do, you're not going to change him.

As much as you want him to change, to make a commitment to you, to do something different, the reality is that you are not going to change him and no amount of loving him is going to change him.

So this ultimately comes down to you.

It's time to ask yourself some tough questions.

What are you willing to put up with? What is he worth to you? What does having him in your life on these terms – his terms – mean to you?

Would you rather have him in your life as he is, not as you want him to be, but exactly as he is, if it means keeping him in your life, or do you need that commitment from him or whatever else you want from him more than him?Continue Reading

The Best Way to Build Confidence

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A woman is dancing in the rain because of her confidence.
This one simple change will dramatically boost your confidence!

If it seems to you like everyone else has it all together, knowing just what to do to have a healthy relationship and making it look so easy in the process, while you're struggling along, feeling like there's something wrong with you, well, you're not alone.

I used to feel that way, too.  There always seemed to be someone who did relationships better than I did.

While I was constantly trying to figure someone out, trying to be the perfect girlfriend, figuring out whether I should try to give him some more space or show him just how excited I was about him, there was always someone I knew who had that amazing confidence about them and their particular relationship.

Just confidently being in it, seeing where it went and not putting all their focus and time and energy in it, just being normal about it.

And oh how I would envy her. I wanted to be that nonchalant, too.Continue Reading

Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want

222 Comments

If you've let him know that you expect the same level of commitment from him that you've given him, and he can't give you the commitment that you're looking for, then there’s only one thing for you to do. A clock is showing that it's time to move on.It all seemed so incredible. He seemed so amazing. He made you feel beautiful when you were together – and even when you thought you weren't.

Your relationship had all the makings of the real thing. All the fireworks, all the excitement, all the magic.

Until suddenly, you’re noticing some subtle changes. He’s not calling as often. His emails and texts are fewer and shorter. He’s busy a lot more often. He’s a lot less romantic than he used to be. If you've been intimate, he becomes less intimate.

His plans may or may not include you – unlike before when they always included you. He’s showing up late and doesn't call to let you know he’s going to be late.

You bring it up.

You tell him that you've been noticing some differences and you want an explanation. He says he’s just been busy with work or tired lately and that nothing’s changed with him. So you let it go. But you miss the way it was, and you don't understand why he's suddenly getting emotionally distant.Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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