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Why He Keeps You Hanging On

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A woman walks away from a man with a rose in the foreground, symbolizing a break up.
Why won't he just make a commitment?

You’re perplexed. Puzzled. Utterly Confused.

On the one hand, he says he’s not ready for a commitment. He says he can’t give you what you’re looking for.

But then instead of letting you go, he shows up just enough to keep that hope alive.

Hope in him. Hope in what one day will be him and you. 

You’ve asked me why. You want to know what he’s doing, what his motivation is, and whether you’ve got a chance at things working out with him.

Could he not have meant what he said? Could he just be confused? Could it be that there’s hope for the two of you after all?Continue Reading

Things Were Going So Well - Then He Disappeared!

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Woman-looking-at-phone-wondering-why-he-suddenly-disappeared
Why is he completely ignoring me?

Our letter this week comes from one of our sweet readers, who has chosen to call herself "Confused and in Love (I'll just call her "Love"). Her boyfriend has suddenly stopped answering all calls, emails and texts - he's basically disappeared on her.

Her email:

Hi, I was hoping you could provide me some advice.

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 8 months. He's a great guy and always is considerate and thoughtful of me and my feelings.

The past 8 months have been fantastic, maybe some very minor bouts of miscommunication (less than what I could list on one hand) but other than that great.

He recently (less than a month ago) got a new job that he is very excited and nervous about (it’s his dream job and he wants to excel at it). Since getting this new job he’s been a bit stressed and less present in the relationship, he was still putting effort into the relationship but not as much as before.Continue Reading

I Know He's Not The One For Me - Why Am I Upset He Moved On?

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A beautiful woman sits on a beach looking sad because her ex has moved on.
How do I stop feeling so angry and empty and sad?

One of our gorgeous readers, who has called herself "RasberryRush", is feeling empty and sad that her ex has moved on, even though she knows he was not right for her.

Her story:

Hi Jane

I am baffled by myself, truly baffled.

My ex and I have been on-and-off for about 3 years now - he couldn't give me what I wanted in terms of a future together and I knew we were going in different directions in life.

We stayed intimate here and there (for the 3 years) and we would talk/text frequently every day. I think we fooled ourselves into thinking we were doing the 'friends' thing really well, but we weren't friends.

We were an oddly formed pair who acted like a couple in all but name.

Distance was a factor as we live around 3 hours apart - he's unwilling to move and for family reasons I can't. I feel like we knew we were each other's Mr/Ms Right Now as opposed to being the real deal.

So why then am I so totally crushed and angry that he's been out on a couple of dates with someone?Continue Reading

Was It Me?

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A beautiful woman holds her hands out wondering if it was something she did wrong.
What if I hadn't argued? Where would we be then?

Our gorgeous friend, Brooklyn, is wondering if things would be different if she had just put up with his excessive drinking and partying. She's wondering if the breakup was really her fault.

Here's what she wrote:

Hi Jane,

Your blog has helped me enormously after my recent breakup.

However, I have a lingering question. Was it me? Did I make our love not worth fighting for? Did I take the fact that I thought my boyfriend would never leave me for granted?

To give you some background, I was with my boyfriend for about 9 months. I have never loved someone as deeply as I loved him and he said the same to me. However, our relationship started to get rocky a few months ago.

I felt alcohol and friends were his priority and I was always second best. To give an example, one night a few months ago I was grieving the birthday of my deceased mother, as well as other life stresses and he chose to go out with our friends to drink that night despite me voicing that I really needed his company/support that night.

He ended the relationship due to excessive fighting, however I am strong enough to admit I was rarely the culprit of the fights.Continue Reading

9 Years, 1 Dog, 1 House... No Ring

18 Comments

A woman holds her dogs head close, showing affection.
Could this really be the end?

Our beautiful friend, who has signed herself "Confusing Journey", has been on quite the journey indeed. She's wondering if he'll ever propose, or if this should really be the end. Read on for her story...

Here's her letter:

I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. We met when we were 17 and 19.

We have had a great relationship, with some hiccups a long the way, him leaving, back together, me leaving... back together. The longest we ever separated for is 3 weeks though.

All of those issues occurred early in our relationship when we both were so young and we always worked through the issues. He is fun, but serious at the same time, a business major. His family says he has always been a 40 year old in a boy’s body. Lol.

He is confident and determined and is stable. I am outgoing and funny and care free. Kind of opposites, but I have seen his outgoing side and he has always been my rock.

Welllll, we were still not living together, but at our 7 year mark he decided that someone else had caught his attention and that he wanted to pursue this person.

He broke up with me and I was devastated to say the least, but in his defense he was completely up front and honest about it the whole time and 2 weeks went by of him in this limbo of does he want me, or does he want her.

Finally, I chose for him. I left for good.Continue Reading

I Feel Like I've Been Lied To

33 Comments

A woman is upset talking on her cell phone.
I'm just honestly so hurt...

Our beautiful friend, who has chosen to remain anonymous (I've called her "Hurt"), feels like she's been lied to by the man she was dating.

Here's her story:

Last year around this time I started "talking" to a guy that had been my friend for the past 7 years. I knew him because he was friends with a guy who I previously "talked to" but ultimately nothing manifested between me and his friend and to be completely honest his friend was a terrible person with no real good intentions for me.

So after years of flirting we started to actually act on our feelings and started doing relationship things.

Always going out, spending quality time with each other, meeting family and friends. Everything that a couple would do.

And the moment that I felt was a serious "we must be heading towards a relationship" moment is when he confronted his friend like and man and told him what was going on between us. To make a long story short their friendship ended because of this.

Everything would go well then around the end of the summer I started to see signs that something was going on. Something was off about him.Continue Reading

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