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Is He Just "Not Ready"?

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A beautiful woman is holding her head in her hands wondering if her boyfriend who has commitment issues is just playing games or if he wants a committed relationship.
Maybe I just need to move on.

Our letter this week comes from, Vicki, who's wondering if the man she feels a special connection with in their on-again, off-again relationship, will ever be ready for a real, committed relationship.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I love your programs and I am really relating to some of the stuff you say. I particularly relate to Sue's letter.

I have had an on/off relationship with a guy for just over 15 months.

I am 51 and have sorted my life out, he is 53 and hasn't.

He has not sorted out all the baggage from his marriage - i.e. not divorced, just now selling the home because he is having financial trouble.

The trouble comes from being depressed or bi-polar or chronic fatigue that led to a truck load of self-esteem issues and to top it off he has 2 young girls (4 and 10) as well as 2 older boys.

So his life is hard.Continue Reading

My Boyfriend Keeps Breaking Up With Me and Coming Back

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A couple enjoying embrace of each other and tenderly smiling
Why does he keep breaking up, then 3 days later he says he made a mistake?

This week's letter comes from Sue, who's wondering if it's normal for her boyfriend of 2 1/2 years to keep breaking up with her, then saying he made a mistake and wanting to get back together.

She's unfortunately not alone here, as many of the women I work with have similar stories to her - one of the most common questions I get is "Why does my boyfriend keep breaking up with me and coming back?"

His ambivalence is part of a larger problem, and I go into detail about that in my response here. I hope it helps both you, Sue, as well as others of you going through this right now.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

The same situation as you described about breaking up after 3-4 months in a perfect relationship happened to me. Then in 3 days he called and said he made a mistake. We have broken up probably six times and gotten back together in a 2 1/2 year relationship.

We can't stay away from each other.Continue Reading

How Do I Get Him Back?

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A beautiful woman is on the phone flirting with a guy she is chasing.
The reality is, getting him back requires two things.

There is nothing more heartbreaking than the words coming from someone who fears they've lost the one person they've poured their heart and soul into and are looking for help to get them back.

It's heartbreaking because of what they're going through. And it's even more heartbreaking because the answer I have to share with them is rarely ever the simple one they were hoping to hear.

Because yes, you can get someone back. But it's not as simple as saying just the right words, or sending the perfect texts in just the right sequence or anything remotely similar to a formula.

No, the reality is, getting him back requires two things. One you have control over and one you don't.

Why am I telling you this? Because there's someone going through this right now, and it's her letter I'm sharing with you today.Continue Reading

Blindsided By This Breakup

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A beautiful woman looks sad because her boyfriend doesn't want to be with her.
I just don't understand any of it.

Our letter today is from Ann, who's been blindsided by a breakup after 5 years together.

Here's her story...

Hi Jane,

My question is how do I move on after being blindsided by this breakup?

My ex and I had been together for 5 years. Looking back, there are probably some red flags that I overlooked.

When we first started dating, he was very hard to read. It took us a long time to actually determine what our relationship was, and part of this was due to the fact that when we first met, I was supposed to be moving away for grad school.

I brought up the topic of where our relationship was heading, and he said that he knew we needed to talk about it but he wasn't sure what to say because he had been in a long distance relationship in the past, and it didn't work. I had also been in one so I could understand where he was coming from.Continue Reading

Is It Right to Go With Him When He's Breaking My Heart?

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A beautiful woman is sipping coffee while talking with a man over lunch, wondering why she's not getting what she wants in a relationship.
Should I take this trip with him even though he broke up with me?

Our letter this week comes all the way from Greece, from beautiful Gc, who's looking for some advice on whether she should go on a trip that was planned in advance with a guy who's breaking her heart with the knowledge that he just wants to be friends.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

So first of all let me introduce myself. I'm 29 years old and I come from a small island of Greece.

Before a year, I was at a friend's wedding here at our beautiful  island. My friend that was getting married was from the USA and had the wedding here because of his mother that she is born here too. So I met this guy that was the best men at the wedding also from the States and he approached me the night of the wedding party.Continue Reading

No, You Shouldn't Be Able to "Just Walk Away"

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A beautiful woman is feeling sad and broken hearted about her relationship.
Because it's not your fault.

No, you're not supposed to know all this without someone teaching it to you.

No, you shouldn't be able to just walk away.

And while we're here, no, there isn't anything wrong with you if you're "still" single.

Even today there's still such a stigma with being single for those of us in our culture who aren't single by choice, who long to be with someone, and never expected our lives to turn out the way they have.

You feel it.

It wears on you.

You hide more than you respond.

Continue Reading

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