Finding your YOU that leads to TWO
What if you just need someone to believe in you?
All those plans, all those dreams.
They told you to find something you could actually do. They gave you all kinds of suggestions that sent the clear message they somehow knew you better than you.
They smiled to themselves, or even laughed.
But more than anything else, what they did was make you feel like there was something the matter with you.
Something wrong, something "off".Continue Reading
We say or do something we regret. We long for the chance to have a second chance to do it differently. We feel like we missed out on some amazing opportunity.
And then the worst damage we can ever do to ourselves begins; we beat ourselves up and label ourselves as damaged goods.
Oh we might come across on the surface like everything's OK, but only because we've learned over so many years how to play that part so well.
But inside, it's a different story.
We're mortified that we didn't handle the situation better, that we didn't listen to what we knew we should have done differently.
What's wrong with me? You wonder.
Why can't I ever get this right?
Why can't I be more like her [insert name of friend you secretly wish you were]?Continue Reading
The type of women we are, the loving, giving, caring, understanding, women we are, we'll do almost anything for love.
We'll do almost anything for our dreams. For the chance to make those dreams come true when we find someone that we think might be the one.
We give and we give and we give and we give.
And then we give some more.
We long for nothing more than to be loved the same way we love.
To be held the same way we hold.
To be made a priority the same way we make him a priority.
We get so caught up in this crazy quest for love that we forget to do the most important thing of all:
To stand in the beautiful light of who we are.
We shrink so well.
We apologize all too well.
We minimize ourselves so effortlessly.
We comply so easily.
We accommodate like it's our natural state of being.
But we've forgotten how to stand.
We've been taught this since our first days on earth. We're rewarded with love and gifts for being good, for being nice, for being respectful, for being everything a good little girl should be.
When we finally venture out into the great big world beyond, it's only reinforced for us all over again.
Put everyone else first, before you, and you'll get along just fine. We do this just too well.
It's so ingrained in us; it's become a part of who we are.
Sitting, waiting, making ourselves smaller so that someone else's light can shine first. Apologizing for things that we never need to apologize for, downplaying our attributes so that we don't offend anyone with our pride. We've been down this road too far and too long.
It's time to remember what it means to stand.
To stand up for what we want.
To stand up for what we believe in.
To stand up for ourselves when things aren't the way we want them.
To stand up to someone we don't want to lose, but still say what's in our heart and on our mind.
To stand instead of running away when we're confronted.
To stand instead of backing down when we know what we need to do.
To stand and be silent when there's nothing more to say.
You see, something happens when we stand like this. When we stand in our own strength, in our own space, in our own steadiness. Something changes inside us. Something changes around us. Something changes about us.
We feel stronger for standing.
We feel more confident, more sure of ourselves, more able to speak our own truth calmly and confidently from a place of our truth instead of someone else's. We can focus better on ourselves, instead of everyone else.
It's the way we're meant to be. To stand like this.
Not standing over anyone, not standing under anyone, but standing as equals in the light of who we are and what we bring to the table.
It's your turn now. It's time to feel that power and strength that you own. It's time to show the world all that you are and all that you have to offer. You know this, even if you've forgotten it somewhere along the way.
It's time to take that stand!
What do you stand for? Share it with us in the comments. It's time.
Remember back in High School in Phys Ed class where you would stand in line while two of the most popular girls – the captains - picked who would be on their teams?
Pick me, pick me – most of us called out, silently if not out loud.
And then one by one every girl would be picked until the very end when they would divvy up the best of the worst and begrudgingly allow them to be on their teams.
Sound familiar?
If you were like I was then you were one of the last picked, one of the ones who no one really wanted, but at the end would finally be allowed on.
And even if you weren't the last to be picked, you knew that you never wanted to be and always made sure you were good enough to ensure yourself a spot among those who were picked early on or at least somewhere in the un-noticeable middle area. Either way, the culture of hoping to be chosen all too early on became a huge part of all our reality, even if we didn't call it that.
We may not be in high school anymore, but the concept and the culture is still very much the same. Pick me, pick me, we say – usually it’s our silent cry now, but it’s still very much a part of our psyche.
And so it’s no wonder with this memory still fresh in the back of our minds, we still believe we have to be chosen by someone outside of ourselves to be truly accepted in this life.
That’s why we try so hard as if our very life depended on it; because for most of us, it really feels like it does.
And that’s why we take it so personally – because back then, as insecure children, it was that personal. Our classmates were our peers and they were our world for the greater part of our waking hours every single day.
So what they thought of us, and how they treated us, were everything to our growing sense of self-esteem and self-worth. We didn't have the maturity or confidence to know that what they said or did or thought of us didn't matter – that in reality they weren't any better than us even though it felt that way because what we were in was a popularity contest.
We didn't know then that there was a life outside of that culture because that was all we knew and it was all we had.
So it’s of little wonder we've transferred this same culture to our work, to our social life and most of all to ourselves. It’s never left us – it’s such an ingrained part of every single one of us.
Until we can see it for what it really is - a part of our culture and not a part of ourselves unless we choose to make it this way.
We may not have been able to choose a different way or to separate ourselves from the culture when we were children or before we knew any better. But once we know, we are the ones who can take back our own power by deciding whether this is still working for us. We can decide if this type of mindset serves our beautiful selves well, and we can choose what we want to do with it, regardless of how ingrained it is.
You’re the one doing the choosing here, Beautiful. You’re the one who decides whether or not he’s worth your beautiful you based on the reality of who he is and what he has to offer you and not on some potential that only you can see.
Your worth isn't dependent on whether or not someone chooses to be with you or not. You’re the one who’s in control of your own life, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.
We change the old mindset when we expose the old lies that have us believing that we’re only something if someone is choosing us by remembering this …
A woman who knows her own worth doesn't need to chase after anyone.
A woman who knows her value doesn't need to make anyone want to be with her.
A woman who knows all that she has to offer won’t buy into anyone else’s lie that she’s not something without someone else.
A woman who understands that she’s the one doing the choosing never has to convince someone of all the reasons he would want to be with her.
We might not be able to change our culture, but we can change ourselves and how much we allow our culture to be a part of our lives.
You always were, and continue to be, far more powerful than you even know!
I know we all have our reasons.
We all have our deeply ingrained stories about our lives and our loves that we've been programmed with since before we could even talk.
Stories we've been told, and have been re-telling ourselves for so long that they’re now simply a part of our subconscious belief system.
Embedded in our psyches.
And these stories keep us stuck.
It's what keeps us attracting men who are below that level. It's what keeps us attracted to men below that level.
It's what keeps us thinking things like "He's out of my league" and "I'm not good enough for a guy like him." All because we don’t believe we’re worth more than this.
So when we’re out and about, who is it we find ourselves attracted to? We don’t even notice the ones who would never dream of treating us the way we’re allowing ourselves to be treated. We don’t even see him among the crowd and we never give him the opportunity to see us because we’re operating at that level of belief that we are only worth so much.
And nothing more.Continue Reading
Find and get to know your inner diva.
I’ve got some breaking news: you don’t need a man to define your life! You don’t need a man to have a world to fit into. You don’t need a guy to feel like you can start living. In fact, it’s the opposite – your life is exactly that – yours. Men (at least the healthy ones) like women who have their own life. If a man wants a woman who’s going to devote their entire being to him, and cater to his every whim, then he’s got his own issues and we don’t want to go there anyway.
Your life is what you choose to make of it. You can keep waiting and hoping for the right guy to hurry up and come along and rescue you from your current life because you think it’s easier to be in someone else’s ready-made life than make one of your own. But the price you pay for that is your self-esteem, your worth, your confidence, your you. Because you can do it, too! Did someone forget to tell you that you can be anything you want to be? You can! You can do anything, be anything, and achieve anything, if you believe in yourself that you can.Continue Reading
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