Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

  • Categories
    • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Finding Love
    • Single Life
    • Inspiration
  • Programs
  • Work With Me
  • Contact Me
  • About
You are here: Home / Archives for being single

Should I Leave Him? 9 Questions to Ask Yourself

Leave a Comment

A woman is looking up at question marks above her head.
It begins with some questions and some really honest answers.

You've been living like this for far too long, and the question keeps popping up in your head: Should I leave him?

You keep thinking things are going to get better, hanging on to those little things that just keep you hanging on.

Until it finally becomes clear that things aren't getting better, he isn't coming around, you're still giving way more than you're getting out of this relationship.

And yet, there are the wonderful things.

The amazing times you have together. Those occasional times when he actually does something romantic.

And when it's good, it's really good.

Unfortunately, there just aren't that many of these really great times, and as much as you try to keep it going, you're wondering if you're really just wasting your time.

Especially as the clock keeps ticking and you're not any closer to that elusive commitment you're looking for from him.

You keep asking yourself, should I stay in or leave this relationship? 

It's the question so many of us have wrestled with at one time or another, and one I hear from so many of my coaching clients - "Should I stay or should I leave?"

Typically followed with "Should I give it a little more time?, and if so, how much?" "Or should I just break up?"

Leaving a relationship is never easy, and deciding when to leave a relationship is one of the most difficult decisions to make.

If you're like most of us, you just want someone to tell you what to do, give you some assurance that you're doing the right thing. But everyone you talk to gives you a different answer until you are completely confused as to what to do.

Well, I have good news for you.Continue Reading

Are You Happy?

1 Comment

Are you happy? If your answer is anything but a resounding yes, you need to reconsider your relationship. A beautiful woman is smiling while looking at her computer.If your relationship is a real relationship, then the answer will be yes.

If you’re single, then there’s good news – you only have yourself to consider when answering this question. It’s not really about whether or not you’re happy being single, but are you happy in general? Of course we all want love in our lives, and someone to share the special moments with, but outside of that, are you happy with your life? If you took the relationship question out of the equation, ask yourself – are you happy?

If you're currently in a relationship, you have to ask yourself if the relationship you’re currently in increases your happiness, decreases your happiness, or is it just neutral? If the answer is either of the last two, then you really need to look at why this is the case, and seriously consider if you want to continue.

After many bad relationships, I finally got to the point that I said to myself (and a few of my close friends) that I just wanted to be in a relationship that didn't make me less happy than I was while single. While this may sound like a sad state of affairs, it was actually the turning point for me that was one of the many factors that finally led me to find my own true love.

Why?

Because it meant that I had already learned to be happy on my own. I finally realized what I needed to be happy wasn’t outside of myself, it was inside. It was in the pursuing of my own interests, discovering my true self, and following my own passions… finding my purpose.

Not a guy. Not something or some event outside of myself. Not my surroundings. It was inside of me, and I finally knew it. After spending so many years trying to find a relationship that would make me happy, I finally knew the truth – that a relationship can never make you happy.

But it can amplify your happiness. To have someone to share your happiness and love with. To give love, and support, and encouragement to one another.

But In order to do that, we have to be filled up ourselves. It’s like a cup – your cup needs to be filled before you can give to another from your cup without feeling like it is being drained. You also don’t want to be the person in the relationship that’s only drawing from (and draining) your partners cup.

In a real relationship there will be times where one of you is drawing off of the others cup, and vice-versa, and that's what makes it a real relationship - that give and take. As long as it's in balance, you'll feel happy, because you'll have someone you can lean on when you need to, and someone you can support when he needs it, and that makes you feel happy. But in order to do this each of you needs to be happy, and your cups full, to begin with.

You deserve to be happy.

We all do.

When You're Ready For a Change

4 Comments

When it's time to make a change, start with external changes and use those to drive the necessary internal changes.
Photo Credit: Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

When I first moved down to Southern California from Vancouver, Canada it was because I was desperately in need of a change. I was tired of being single. Almost all my friends were married, and the ones who were single were stuck in the same negative patterns, bringing themselves down and me down with them.

I felt like I had exhausted the supply of any men worth dating out there and I was tired of repeating the same old patterns over and over again with the same kind of princes who always turned out to be frogs. Attracting emotionally unavailable men, however promising and full of potential they seemed, had become my MO and was taking a toll on my self-esteem. I was starting to question whether there really was something wrong with me after all, and was beginning to wonder whether I would ever find someone compatible who would want to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him!

California seemed so full of promise; the promise of a new life, of a sort of rebirth, and I felt it calling to me even as I had visited there and found everything falling into place to make the move to this new life. I was sure this was going to be the beginning of my new life.

What I found, however, was that although everything was new and exciting, I was still attracting a very similar kind of man. One that I soon came to recognize as the same kind I had been attracting back in my old hometown. The realization struck me that even though I had made such a huge change in my move, I was still the same me. I was still the same person with the same subconscious needs that were still attracting the same type of men in this new location, even though everything externally was different.

I suddenly realized that even though I had made such a big external change, and had gotten a whole new look, and a new wardrobe and a new career, I was essentially the same person inside. It was no wonder I was still attracting the same thing; I had changed the exterior things of myself, but I hadn’t gotten to the root of the source. The me deep down inside with all of the baggage I had accumulated over my entire life to that point and time in my life. And no changes to the external were going to bring about the kind of true change I was looking for until I finally figured that out.

And this is what I ultimately discovered: While external change can often be the impetus for true change, providing the inspiration to give us the motivation to change course, it is only when we look within ourselves to make those internal changes within ourselves, that we can expect to start attracting something different in our lives and creating a truly new life for ourselves. Without that internal shift in consciousness, we can’t expect any external changes to automatically bring about the changes in our relationships that we’re looking for. Until we figure that out, we are only bringing our old selves along with us.

So, if you feel that urge to change your life up, try out a new city or even country, to remake yourself, by all means go ahead and follow that new path and make those external changes that give you a fresh new start to your life. But along the way, remember that making that fresh start and breaking those all too familiar relationship patterns that aren’t working is all about helping you do the internal work of looking honestly and lovingly at yourself and who you really are, and asking yourself those deep questions we talked about in our last post. It's about letting go of what's not working, and finding yourself.

It’s never easy to be honest with ourselves and face some of our toughest decisions where love and relationships are concerned, but it’s the only way to start bringing something different into our lives, and ultimately someone worthy of the kind of love we have to offer.

Are All of the Good Men Taken?

7 Comments

Are all of the good men taken? A beautiful woman is asking herself that question as she shrugs her shoulders.A comment from one of our readers, Jim, on my last post got me thinking about the whole idea of scarcity, as in all of the good men are taken. As Jim points out, there are many educated, responsible, interesting men out there that are complaining about the same thing – the lack of available women. So how can it be that both sides are feeling the same, particularly when the statistics show that nearly half (45%) of the U.S. population over age 18 are single, with this group being roughly split with 53% being female and 47% being male (so single men have a slight advantage). But that's still nearly 48 million single men in the U.S. alone. So why do so many of us have so much trouble finding just one?

It got me thinking back to when my husband and I were first dating years ago. We both had many single friends and we thought it would be great to play a little matchmaker and see if we couldn't help some of them find love with each other just like we had found.  After all, they were attractive, successful and single, and most, if not all, were tired of being solo. And they were all going to all the same types of places looking for the same thing – to meet someone who they might be interested in having a relationship with that might eventually lead to marriage.Continue Reading

5 Secrets to Staying Sane In a World of Couples

12 Comments

Beautiful single woman is at a wedding celebrating with her friends who are all in relationships. 5 secrets to staying sane in a world of couples.Does it sometimes feel like everyone in the world is in a relationship except you? I've been there, and here are five secrets I learned along the way that will save your sanity!

I remember that feeling that would come over me when, as a single girl, I would get an invitation to a party or a wedding or another event where I knew there would be mostly couples in attendance.  As much as I would look on the positive side and think I might meet Mr. Right there (because that was always in the back of my  mind), the reality was my married friends would all have each other and I would once again feel like the fifth wheel I always seemed to be.

It always seemed to be little old single me amongst all the happy, smiling couples who seemed to have everything I was looking for. No matter how much I tried to feel ok by myself, that deep longing to be part of a couple never went away. Nor did the feeling that there was something wrong with me that made me wonder if I would ever figure out what it was I was supposed to do to be on the other side.  On that elusive couples side that always seemed to escape me.

No matter how much we may believe we are living in a different world today where it's more common than ever to be single or at least to marry much later in life, the reality is that it's almost impossible to forget that we are living in a couple's world.  From the numerous times you're asked if you're dating anyone, or why you're not married yet (or something else along those lines), to the special rates offered to couples everywhere from gyms to resorts to big box stores, the implied message is always the same – if you're not part of a couple, there's something wrong with you!

Or at least that was how I always felt.  For those of you who are able to ignore those messages and live your single lives to the fullest without feeling that way somewhere deep down inside, I admire you for being able to authentically be in that space amid such external pressure.  But for the rest of us, I've got a few things to share with you that I wish I had understood back when I was feeling so discontented being single when everyone else seemed to be with someone.

So what's a single gal to do in this couples world?  Plenty:

1.  Focus on YOU!

That's right – you. That beautiful person who looks back at you when you look in the mirror.  Take an inventory of everything you have in your life right now.  Look at the things you want to do, the places you want to visit, the experiences you want to have, and start making those things happen now; don't wait to start living until you've found someone to share your life with. Live your life like you've never lived it before.

2.  Remember that this is only temporary.

There are so many seasons in life.  This is only one of them.  Don't get so caught up in looking forward to the next seasons that you forget to enjoy the season that you're currently living in.  There will be positive and negative aspects to each period of your life; instead of looking at the future as being better than here, focus on what is great about right now.

3.  Give yourself a reality check about being part of a couple.

Spend some time with a married couple or a friend who's in a long term relationship to see the realities first hand for yourself.  Being a part of a couple is wonderful, but maintaining a healthy relationship is not without its challenges.  A reality check while being around them can give you a fresh perspective on some of the benefits of being single that you may not have realized in your quest to being part of a couple. This perspective can help to inspire you to enjoy your singlehood to the fullest.

4.  Ignore the cultural messages.

Remember that most of it is just programming and marketing, and the culture doesn't reflect what is going on in your life.  Hard to do, I know, but if you remind yourself of just how many single people there are out there, and especially how much money is made off of advertising that targets getting married, having a family and living happily ever after, it will help you see just how much of these cultural messages are actually part of big business, and not about your love life (or lack of one).

5.  Remember to breathe!

Go easy on yourself.  Stop being so hard on yourself.  Just because you've been where you've been and gone through your experiences doesn't mean you're set up to repeat the same patterns over and over again.  You can make changes; you can do things differently; you can stop repeating old patterns and you can (and will) attract someone different into your life as you begin to realize those baby steps towards changing those old patterns.

Remember, this is your time, your space, your season, your life.  Don't let someone else's idea of what it means to be happy take away from the joy of being you.

Radiant, beautiful, confident, currently single YOU!

Changes

Leave a Comment

Beautiful woman going through a big change in her life. She is packing and moving boxes.We’re in the middle of moving across the country. And it’s a whole different kind of move when you’re moving a family, two dogs, a lizard, and fish. There are more people and things to consider, with the heart of it being that I have the responsibility of making it as easy a transition as possible.

It’s very different from the moves I used to make as a single girl, in what seems like a short lifetime ago, where my only concern was finding the coolest place to live in with the highest population of single men possible.

Back in those single days, when a married friend of mine would be moving with her family, I was usually full of sadness. Not just because they were leaving me, but also because it was yet another reminder that I was alone, with no family giving me a reason to move.

I was the only person that I moved for, and I didn’t understand anything about that being enough way back then. It just sounded all too lonely when I compared my own life to the ones of my married girlfriends that I wanted so badly.

And so it is that I find myself going back in time and reminiscing about those moves I did back in my single days, when it was only me without much of a care in the world besides when I would finally find Mr. Right and when I thought of each move as an exciting adventure of discovery.

I remember one of my biggest moves was when I took a job transfer to another part of the country. It was so exciting. A chance to meet new people, maybe even the one, was the way I thought of it back then. A new adventure. Oh, it was an adventure all right, and I met someone who I sure thought was the one, only to come face to face with the reality of just how badly a heart can be broken when you let someone in too soon and stay far too long for your heart and soul’s own good.

Then there was the move back home, but to a new home, to a place where I would start my journey of discovery of myself, after finally landing back on my feet after more tears had been shed over another him than could fill the entire ocean. Beginning again, finding my way, making a life for myself as an individual when all my hopes and dreams for my life had been caught up in a him who could never have lived up to my misguided expectations.

And finally, there was the move when I packed up all my belongings in the back of my little Honda Civic and headed off to the land of sunshine in Southern California, full of anticipation that this was finally going to be my time, my adventure, my time to finally find myself … and him. And that was exactly where I did find him, but not before I had finally found myself for the first time in my life, in a way that I had never understood was necessary before.

But this isn’t just about me. It’s about what I learned along the way. It’s about what I understand now about how it all fits together in a way that can only be understood with the gift of hindsight and having been there before in every sense of the word. It’s what I wish I had understood and known way back at the beginning of it all.

It’s about seasons.

And how each and every season of life has a purpose and a meaning and a reason. Even the ones we don’t want to be in or wish would end before they even begin. Especially the ones where we can’t figure out the why of them. Especially those where we just want to be on to the next one. Each season is necessary on some level to take you through to the next one, even if it doesn’t make sense at the time. The point is, when you look back, you’ll understand, you’ll see, you’ll see why. There’s a reason. But so often we fight the reality of the season that we’re in, questioning the wisdom of anyone who dare suggest it’s part of our story. We don’t want that part of our story, much less to acknowledge that it might be a necessary one.

It’s a simple message, but embracing it is anything but simple: Don’t get so caught up in the next season of life that you forget to enjoy the one you’re currently in.

Each season has its upsides and downsides. So often when we’re in it, wishing we were anywhere but where we are right now, we don’t see any of the good in it. We don’t see the wonderful things about it. But it’s all there. In this single season of your life, there’s the freedoms, that lack of responsibility, the ability to do anything without taking into consideration the rest of a family or other people (or animals) involved. The abundance of time you can spend focusing solely on yourself without having anyone else to pull you away from discovering and embracing the you that you truly are inside.

I get that it’s all too lonely too much of the time. I get that it’s hard to enjoy the now when you’re scared there never will be a next. All those fears that surface that keep us looking forward to that next season, the one where we will finally no longer be alone, that we can’t even enjoy all the benefits of the now.

But stop right there. Don’t look ahead anymore. It’s your time right now. Right here, right now. It’s time to embrace it even with the fear, the unknown, and with all its uncertainties. To enjoy, to embrace, to live life to its fullest right now. The rest will all happen in due time. Just as it is meant to be.

But for now, this season is yours, too. Don’t wait until you’re looking back to enjoy where you’re at right now. This is the season of your life known as YOU!

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • Next Page »

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR MAILING LIST AND I’LL SEND YOU THIS GIFT!

Make Him Adore You Send me the video!

Programs

About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Join Me On Facebook!

Getting to True Love

Popular Posts

A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her.

Why He'll Commit to Her, But Not to You

You're the one who really has tried everything to get him to come around and fully commit. You're the one who's given him more than enough time to come around and finally make the commitment . A beautiful woman is upset that her boyfriend won't give her the commitment she wants.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Won't Commit

A beautiful woman looks at her phone wondering why he hasn't called.

The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called

If you've let him know that you expect the same level of commitment from him that you've given him, and he can't give you the commitment that you're looking for, then there’s only one thing for you to do. A clock is showing that it's time to move on.

Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want

Attractive young woman awaits a phone call. wondering why he hasn't called.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Hasn't Called

A beautiful woman is being hugged

Will He Ever Want a Committed Relationship? 3 Signs He Might

Image of a man who looks like a player showing signs he's not into you.

14 Warning Signs That He’s Not That in to You

A beautiful woman is upset because of the way her boyfriend treats her as he watches TV.

Why He Treats You the Way He Does

A man telling a woman he just wants to be friends. They are standing in a park on a path, out of focus, with the camera looking through branches.

He Just Wants To Be Friends

Green freeway sign with Commitment written on it.

7 Things I've Learned About Men Who Are Afraid Of Commitment

As Seen On…

Latest Tweets

Tweets by @JaneGarapick

Recent Comments

  • Heather on Why No Contact NEVER works and what to do instead
  • Emma Verhoog on The Difference Between Giving Up Too Soon and Giving Up Too Much
  • Jin on Three Things You Can Do When He’s Getting Emotionally Distant
  • stavkapro on Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want
  • Turning Your YouTube Channel Into a Cash Flow. on The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called
  • Snehal on My Boyfriend Fell Out of Love With Me

Calendar

May 2025
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Oct    

Copyright © 2025· Getting to True Love, LLC · All rights reserved · Privacy Policy · Refund Policy · Terms of Service

We use cookies to ensure you receive the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are okay with our terms :)Got it!