“If I know what love is, it’s because of you."
These are the words that are written on a simple but beautiful magnet on my refrigerator. When I first saw it, it brought home a truth that reached through to the core of me. It still does.
You see, back in my single days, regardless of what I appeared to have going for me on the surface, or how many people couldn't understand why someone like me was still single, the truth is that it’s never about what’s on the outside of us; it’s always about what’s on the inside.
Sure, externally I may have had what people thought was all you needed to not still be single – I had the look, the clothes, the job, the car, etc. Outwardly I seemed happy and outgoing.
But the reality was that inside was an entirely different story. I didn't even realize it until much later, but the truth, my truth, was that I really believed deep down inside that there was something wrong with me.
I believed that I was missing something that everyone else seemed to have, and somehow I didn't deserve to have the love that I so wanted.
It didn't matter how confident I came across on the outside, it didn't matter how together my life appeared to be. The reality of what I truly felt about myself and what I really believed was revealed by the type of men I was attracting and the type of men I found myself attracted to.
I could hide the truth from everyone around me, but I couldn't hide it where it mattered most.
And it’s the same for you.
It doesn't matter what you have or don’t have on the outside or what it seems like to anyone else. It’s all about you – the real you, underneath the external facade.
You may not even realize the details of your belief system. But that belief system is exactly what determines so much of who you are and what you do.
It quietly shows up in so many areas of your life, usually without you even noticing.
It determines what you see and how you see it, and it will bring you exactly what you believe to be true. It shows up in who you attract into your life and who you’re drawn towards.
But it doesn't have to.
When you see it, when you have that aha moment of clarity, it will seem so obvious.
But until then it’s anything but obvious.
You're probably thinking that you're doing everything right, but it's still not working.
I know because that's exactly what I used to think.
I can list out every single relationship I was in where the only way I knew to get through was to keep doing more of the same, to keep doing everything I thought I was doing that was so different but ended up being the same thing underneath every single time. I just couldn't see it at the time.
This is about your dream. It’s about your happiness. It’s about your life.
This isn't how life is meant to be lived, especially not your life.
This isn't what love is meant to feel like. This isn't how you’re meant to feel.
Soon there will come a time when you look at the men you've been (or still are) in relationships with, and you'll realize the truth of these words for you. But it won't happen until you try something different.
It’s your time. It’s your turn.
I'm here to help you, but I can’t do it without you.
Let's get there together.