All relationships have to start somewhere – and that somewhere, most of the time, is on a first date.
So how do we know after that first date if the guy is deserving of our company for date number two? Well, there are several ways.
I’ve heard of women who will give their date a test of some sort, such as refusing a menu and asking their date to order for her, or trying to pick up the check at the end of the date, in order to see how he reacts, in the hopes of gleaning some insight into his personality.
Although I’ve never gone the route of intentionally doing something to “test” my date, I’ve realized over the years that there are certain signs that just spell trouble down the road.
I’m not talking about relatively minor things that, although they may be annoying, and may certainly be telltale signs of your dates true personality, aren’t necessarily a reason to cut him off completely.
Things like being a few minutes late (I could be forgiving of this one, since I’ve been guilty of it on occasion myself) or having a messy car. These are the types of things that you have to just decide for yourself if it’s something you think you can live with. These will be different for each of us.
What I’m talking about here are the real, universal deal breakers. The kinds of things that should make any woman get up, walk away, and not look back.
I mean, the first date is supposed to be indicative of your best behavior, right? So if a guy is showing any of these signs on the first date, it’s not going to get any better.
In fact, typically these are just the tip of the iceberg, and are pretty much a sign that things are going to get much, much worse.
He gets drunk (even noticeably tipsy)
OK, I understand most first dates may include meeting for a drink or two, or maybe having a glass of wine over dinner, and our social culture has, unfortunately, seemed to be built around the imbibing of alcohol. But if your date puts down three or more drinks over the course of the date (regardless of his size), or if he starts becoming noticeably intoxicated, that’s a real sign of an underlying problem.
Also, if he comes to pick you up, and you notice the scent of alcohol on his breath, that’s a sure sign of problem drinking. I’m not anti-alcohol, but on a first date you want to get to know the real person, not the alcohol (or any other intoxicant) modified version of the person.
If he’s your ride, then he’s also putting your safety at risk. In this situation it’s best to politely tell him that you’d rather not get in a car with him, and offer that if he’d like to walk somewhere or take public transportation to continue the date, then you’ll join him.
He’s rude to the waiter
Or the person at the ticket booth, the bartender, the cab driver, or really anyone else you come into contact with during the date.
Even if the service is poor, or slow, or the waitress got your order wrong, there’s no need for any kind of insults or demeaning treatment. If your date acts rudely to others, you can be pretty certain that at some point that rudeness will be pointed at you, and when it is, it will be much worse.
He’s checking out other women
What I’m talking about here is clearly checking out other women, as in the up and down checkout – not the people watching kind of look.
If he’s obviously ogling other women, it’s inexcusable. Again, he’s supposed to be on his best behavior here – if he can’t keep his eyes in check, and on you, for a couple of hours, then just remember, it’s not going to get better.
I realize that men are wired to be visual, and yes, we can forgive that on occasion, but this is the first date we’re talking about here. And we’re also talking about respect – as in, respect for you. Keep the eyeballs in their sockets, mister!
If he can’t resist the urge to be looking elsewhere now, it’s very likely he’ll be looking elsewhere down the road.
It’s just plain boring
OK, this one is not quite as heavy of a topic as possible alcoholism, emotional abuse, or future infidelity, but it’s just as much of a deal breaker as the rest.
If it’s boring right out of the gate, why would you think it will magically get better next time? If you feel like a dentist while trying to get a decent conversation out of the man, and you find yourself wanting to glance at your watch to see how much longer you need to stay in order for it to be considered a “real date”, then you probably don’t want to put yourself in that situation again.
But I think you already knew that one.