Getting to TRUE Love

Panic Attacks

A beautiful woman has her eyes closed representing a panic attack. — Her words brought it all rushing back to me.

I had my first panic attack when I was 18.

It was Thanksgiving weekend and I was the passenger in a car of girls driving back from my girlfriend’s family home in Northern California on the 5 Freeway, along with everyone else headed back to SoCal post holiday.

I was living in Southern California at the time, attending Biola University, on a PK (Pastor’s kid) scholarship. My own family celebrated our Canadian Thanksgiving a month earlier, so my friend had included me in her family plans.

The girl in the backseat who was carpooling with us – she was a childhood friend of my new friend and lived around the corner from her although she went to a different SoCal university, she picked up on who I was immediately.Continue Reading

He Says I Should Just "Let Things Be"

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Rear view of a woman holding the curtains open to look out of a large light window at home. — I sometimes wish he could be there for me emotionally.

Beautiful Lydia wrote to me this week, asking for my perspective on a relationship she's in. Like so many before her, I know many of you will relate to her situation as well.

Here's what she wrote:

Hi Jane,

I hope that you are well.

I absolutely have no idea how you do this, how you manage to send such an email at a time when I need to hear these words the most. I have been following your blog for the past 6 years and I must say you really have helped me in my journey to find true love.

Your post just reminded how important it is to love myself and to put myself first no matter what. I have been struggling with that for such a long time now. I have an issue of looking for people to validate me, simple thing like someone telling me I look beautiful or comment on my new hairdo and when they don't, I don't feel beautiful enough.

I recently met a guy in October last year, he was living with an acquaintance of mine (who is a lady). They were not dating but were friends with benefits. I met him there at her house and we instantly moved towards each other.Continue Reading

Why Finding Someone to Love You Has NEVER Been Your Problem

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The word love and a heart symbol written in snow. — Love isn’t just a feeling.

Getting a guy, attracting a guy, finding someone to love you has never been your problem.

Never.

Getting a guy who isn’t capable of seeing you, attracting someone who you actually want instead of the ones who mirror your own interpretations of what’s wrong with you and treat you accordingly, recognizing what it is you want in someone who loves you - these are the problem!

You want the guy who isn’t capable of seeing you to see you.

You want the guy who reminds you of someone else in your life who didn’t deserve your kind of love either.

And you’re basing love on such a short-sighted view of what it means to be loved that you’re missing the entire point of being in love with someone.

Love isn’t just a feeling.

Or if it is, and if that’s what love means to you, then accept that and go find someone who you can have that feeling with, without anything else. Just a feeling.Continue Reading

First He Became Distant, Now He Just Disappears

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Beautiful woman sad sitting on the window sill and painting on glass feeling heartbroken because it's hard to move on. — I'm devastated, I can't stop crying, texting and calling him.

Beautiful Jalyn writes to tell us her story and it's one I know so many of us, myself included, have experienced first hand.

Here's what she wrote:

I was dating a guy for over a year. We are both 27.

He has two children and I have none. We went on dates, vacations, met each other’s family.

When we started dating it was a lot of red flags but I liked him a lot that I looked past all of it. We used to spend 2 days/nights together. In the last couple months he became distant. Now he disappears for a week or two.

I would get angry and send him nasty text messages calling him awful names. He would say it’s because of my temper and I’ll forgive him and take him back.

It happened at least 8 times.Continue Reading

Don't Do This to Yourself

He Doesn't Want Kids

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A beautiful woman is on a date with a man. — He says he doesn't want kids, but I think I might. What do I do?

Beautiful Eve asks a question I've heard from so many of my clients over the years and she's absolutely right; it's one of the toughest questions for any of us to answer.

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

I have read your book and countless of your articles/answers and I absolutely adore you. You have helped me in the past and I hope you could help me now.

I’m not sure this is the type of letter you’d normally answer but I can give it a shot.

I have been in a long distance relationship for a little more than 2.5 years (we lived close by for half a year.) We live on different continents (he's American military and I am from Europe.) We see each other a couple of weeks a year and call every day.

We are an incredible match and he makes me feel happy and cared for.

We both feel that this year we should live together. I will be moving. It will be really difficult regarding job and visa, but I think it will be worth it. (He hates me giving up everything and would like to be the one moving but with his job, it’s not possible right now.)

What bothers me is the following.Continue Reading

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Panic Attacks

He Says I Should Just "Let Things Be"

Here's what she wrote:

Why Finding Someone to Love You Has NEVER Been Your Problem

First He Became Distant, Now He Just Disappears

Here's what she wrote:

Don't Do This to Yourself

He Doesn't Want Kids

Here's her email:

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