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The Most Special Gift of All

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We can't control who loves us, and all too often, we find ourselves with a deep longing to be loved by someone who isn't capable of giving us the love we are looking for from them. A beautiful woman opens a magical gift box.I could go on and on. And sometimes I do. Because this one is just that important. It's not about the gifts we give everyone else. It's not about the time we spend looking for that perfect gift for someone else. It's not about anything tangible. It's about you and what you deserve more than anything else in the world. Not just during this holiday season. But every day of the year.

To be loved.

We can't control who loves us, and all too often, we find ourselves with a deep longing to be loved by someone who isn't capable of giving us the love we are looking for from them. But at some point along this journey, we discover that it isn't just about a love that comes from outside of ourselves. It's about a love that comes from within. A love within ourselves that encompasses every dark place within us that doesn't yet understand that there is nothing within us that doesn't deserve to be loved.

We forget that it is in the embrace of our true selves that we find that love we are searching for. It is when we can finally stop beating ourselves up and stop focusing on what is wrong with us that we can finally move on to everything that is right with us. It's such a simple thing, but for so many of us who have had to work so hard to convince someone of our worth, it is anything but simple.

It's about a shift in consciousness.

It begins with an openness to seeing things differently, to being open to hearing something different. Then, it progresses to a gradual change within our level of consciousness to where we finally see that this isn't about getting someone to fall in love with us, to love us the way we've been longing to be loved our whole lives. Instead, it's about understanding that we don't have to do anything to be loved; it's about embracing all that we are and looking deep inside to see if anything needs to change within ourselves so that we can shine through as the person we really are.

So we accept our strengths and our weaknesses; we decide what we want more of and what we could use less of, and we take steps to make those positive changes to bring out the best in ourselves. And then, with practice, with focusing on ourselves like this, we learn more about what we are capable of, what we want to do, what we enjoy and what makes us feel truly alive. We learn more about what we don't want, what we don't need.

We learn about what we are no longer willing to settle for.

And somewhere along the way, we realize this has so much more to do with us and our way of thinking than it has to do with any him. And that's when we suddenly find ourselves liking who we see in the mirror. She's not perfect, but we're able to see past all those things we used to loathe and actually begin to like what we see and see the potential in ourselves for once, and not in another him. And as this becomes a new way of seeing ourselves, with gentleness and acceptance where once there was only loathing and judgment, we begin to attract and start attracting something different. We can see past the man who says and does all the right things, but has no substance to his charm. And we can finally accept someone who actually treats us like gold.

That's the kind of love that is waiting for you, my beautiful friend; when you discover where it all begins, at that place of you and your heart with a love for yourself and all that you are like you never knew before.

Want to learn more about bringing him in closer (instead of him pulling away)?  Join our mailing list by clicking the button below, and I'll send you my complimentary video and E-book "4 Proven Ways to Make Him ADORE You (Like He's Never Adored Anyone Before!)"

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Having Trouble Getting Over a Break Up? Why It's Time to Finally Move On

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Woman upset, having trouble getting over a breakup
It's just holding you back.

You knew it would be hard getting over him, but you never realized just how hard this was going to be. Whether he ended it, or you, the reality is you didn't want it to end.

All you ever wanted was it to work out, but in the end, you realized it would take more than just you making that happen.

So here you are, trying to accept the reality of what is and move on, but that deep sadness and longing for what could have been lingers on, leaving you wondering if you'll ever get over him.

Getting over a recent (or worse, a not so recent) break up can be one of the most difficult things in life to do, and for good reason.

It makes sense – your life was intertwined with this person and you opened and shared your delicate heart with him, making yourself vulnerable to your worst fear – having that heart crushed and broken into a million little pieces.

And facing the reality of starting over, alone.

While it may feel like the only thing that you can bring yourself to do is continue to hold out hope that someday you'll wake up and find out that it was really just a bad dream, the reality is that the sooner you can bring yourself to move on, the better.

Continue Reading

How Long Do I Wait For Commitment?

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Woman upset with boyfriend because he won't commit
What does waiting do for you?

You've read my post Why Won't He Commit? 7 Things You Can Do To Move Things Along. You've tried everything I've suggested, and now the only thing you're left wondering is how long do you wait to see if he comes around and gives you the kind of commitment that you're looking for? You're so not alone if this is where you're at. Of all the questions I'm asked, this is by far one of the most common.

The simple honest answer is you should never wait for someone to come around to commit to you! Honestly, if he isn't on that same page as you, open and in touch with himself enough to know what he wants and that he wants a committed relationship in the first place, before he met you, waiting around for him to come around to where he is finally ready for commitment to you is wasting your time.

He's not going to come around and commit to you because you're waiting for him. In fact, the very fact that he knows you're waiting for him, and willing to put your life on hold to wait to see if he does commit, lets him know that he's more important than you; that you value him more than you value yourself, and leaves him with no motivation to figure out what it is he's really looking for, why he's behaving like this with you, and what he would be losing when you finally give up on him and leave.Continue Reading

You Are That Strong!

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A woman is demonstrating her strength in the punching position.
Yes, you really are!

I came across one of my favorite playlists in one of my long-forgotten files today, and one of the titles caught my eye. It was Taylor Swift's We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. I found it again online and began listening to the lyrics and it all came back to me. There was a reason I loved this song!

Isn't that what we all want to be able to do? Don't we all want to be able to stand up so strong, so confident in ourselves and what we know we deserve, and say these words to that guy, the one who took us for a ride, the one who played our hearts?!

We want permission, we want to be given the right to say something that strong. We want to have that same resolve. That same type of confidence.

Because as much as we want to say this to him, we're scared to. Scared that he might be the one, and we let him go. Scared that there's no one else coming around. Scared that he just might  be our last chance.

We're scared that we don't deserve better. Scared to stand up like this and let him know in no uncertain terms just like this that we are done! That we refuse to be treated like this anymore, and we would rather be alone than be with someone like him treating us like this!Continue Reading

Don't Give Yourself Away

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A beautiful woman being swept off her feet by good looking man
Make him prove himself to you first.

3 months? She laughed. I couldn't do that, Jane!

I was telling a single friend of mine about a client who waited a few months before becoming intimate with the guy she was dating because she wanted to make sure he wasn't just interested in sleeping with her, but actually wanted the same commitment she was looking for.

She believed she had a right to have sex, to be intimate, on her terms when she wanted it - not just something men get to do - and she wasn't going to give that up. She did have that right, but it came with a price, too.

Here's what this looks like in real life.

You're going to think you've finally found what you're looking for.

He's going to seem so different from the rest. He'll show you all the signs of being into you and you'll feel like all the work you've been doing on yourself is finally paying off. He's going to seem genuine.Continue Reading

The Truth About Healthy Relationships

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We're going to look at the truth about healthy relationships. You need to first forget everything you think a relationship is all about and what it feels like because your relationship gauge is up when it’s supposed to be down. A beautiful but sad woman is sitting on the floor contemplating her relationship.It's been so long since you've had anything resembling a healthy relationship, you don't even know what one looks like. Until now. It's time to start at the beginning, forgetting everything you think a relationship is all about and what it feels like because right now your relationship gauge is pointing up when it’s supposed to be pointing down. It's not working, and we're going to fix it. It’s OK. It’s not your fault. We’re going to help you get your relationship gauge fixed so that you can recognize a real, authentic, healthy relationship in the future when it's pointing you in the opposite direction.

It all begins with forgetting everything we think we know about relationships. Now, here’s the part we want to learn for the first time. Like learning to read or write, we’re learning together how to have a healthy relationship that makes us (get this part) H-A-P-P-Y. Yes! Happy! Remember that? Remember what that felt like when you actually felt happy? In a relationship?

It's quite possible you might never have known what it’s really like to feel happy in a relationship. Because the happy I’m talking about here isn't the kind where when he finally shows up at your door or calls after you've had a search party out looking for him and made calls to the local hospitals and the morgue – not that kind. That’s the kind where we've been so low in the gutter, completely devoid of any trace of our self-esteem, that by the time we see him alive we’re feeling so relieved he’s still choosing us that we think we're happy.

But really;  is that happiness? Are you really happy in this relationship or is it just that you’re unhappy so much of the time that when anything happens remotely resembling a man caring about us, or at least still choosing to be with us, we feel the opposite of what we usually feel like, so we honestly think we’re happy?

I know. This is tough. I understand all too well. It’s not easy peeling back some of the layers of the feelings and coping behaviors we've had for so long (read: denial) to reveal the truth. I really do get that. It’s not easy to admit to ourselves that this relationship just might not be the equivalent of what happiness is all about (even though everyone else around us may be pointing this out). I know firsthand that denial can run pretty deep when we’re talking about having to do something about this relationship we’re so desperately believing we can change by just being good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, clever enough, sexy enough, enough, enough, enough!

Do you get that? I know that’s tough to hear, but, my beautiful dear friends, it’s the truth!  This is not how it’s supposed to be!  We are not supposed to be in relationships with guys who treat us in such ways that we lose our entire equilibrium of which end is up. It's really not supposed to be this way! Do you see that, even a little? It’s OK if you don’t. Just know we’re going to get you there together.

Here's a hint: Separate date nights are not the way the weekends are supposed to go. People in healthy authentic relationships actually want to be together. They just genuinely like being together, so it happens. They don’t have rigid rules about how or when or where it can happen. It just does.  It’s not supposed to be complicated. Getting together is not complicated when you’re in a real relationship with a real guy who really likes being with you and you really like being with him. Mutual. Together. Easy.  Those are the words you’re looking for.

It feels effortless, easy, not complicated. Not filled with dramatic highs and lows and fighting and making up and more fighting and making up and more drama and more fighting and more anxiety and more drama … do you see a theme here? That’s not how it’s supposed to be even if to you right now that feels like someone cares about you. That’s not what all that means.  I’m going to tell you what it really means. Read this slowly. It means your guy is unhealthy, the relationship’s unhealthy, and there’s no way you can be healthy if you’re with the unhealthy guy in the unhealthy relationship.  Do you see that at all? It’s like simple math. 2+2=4, not 3 or 5 or some other number. You can’t have an unhealthy guy and an unhealthy relationship and have a healthy you.

But if you're in this so deep that you’re not ready to consider the reality of that yet, that’s OK. We’re going to get you there, but it takes time. But please hear me when I tell you that one day you really will look back on this and be so glad you listened to that little voice that’s so soft and hard to hear right now, saying it really is time to let go, you can do this, you can (gulp) be on your own. I know, I used to gulp too. What? ME? Leave HIM? Like right NOW? Before I've given him his 1001 chance to see just how wonderful I am and how much he needs to change and start treating me right because I really am all that?

The part where you really start to believe this comes next. After you open your eyes to the reality of what is going on here. Shifts in seeing always happen in baby steps. Not overnight.  Just hold that thought for a minute and listen to what you're hearing here. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be with someone who thinks the world of you just because you’re you. Not because of anything you feel like you have to do.

You see, that’s the whole point.  If you’re in a healthy relationship, you don’t have to do or be anything except be yourself. And do what your real self does. It’s not about pleasing anybody or doing what you know they’d like you to be or do, it’s about a real give and take. The real thing where you share the real you and he shares the real him.

Equally.

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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