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Single Life

The posts in the Single Life category relate to the stage of love known as Being Single, and all of the wonderful (and sometimes not so wonderful) situations it brings. This category includes topics such as loving yourself, surviving the holidays, being alone, etc.

One Simple Step to Dramatically Increase Your Confidence

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A beautiful smiling confident woman is happy knowing that she is building her confidence.
Use this one little trick and watch your confidence soar!

I started thinking about how differently I would have lived much of my life as a single person if I knew then what I know now about what it’s really like to be loved and in a committed relationship with the love of my life.

I thought of all of you, and I wanted to come up with some way to convey this feeling to you, where you’re at right now.

I want you to have a certain kind of vision, one that all too few of us have when we most need it. I want you to see now, before you go through any more heartbreak, before you write any more stories of your life that aren't the ones you deserve to be telling yourself.

Because the thing is, we all get so caught up in believing this is all about the search for that guy, that special man who will complete us, who will make everything better in our lives.Continue Reading

7 Reasons To Be Thankful While Single This Thanksgiving

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A beautiful woman is happy, playing in the leaves while thinking of what she's thankful for.
Here are 7 things that are easy to be thankful for.

Here in the United States it’s that time of year again: Thanksgiving.

The start of another wonderful holiday season filled with joy, laughter, and for some of us that just can’t bear the thought of going through another holiday season all alone, misery.

I remember all too well the sinking feeling I would have as I entered into another long Thanksgiving weekend, wondering how on earth I was going to get through yet another one feeling painfully single.

That’s when I would force myself to remember what this holiday is all about: being thankful for the good things in your life.

Each one of us has some wonderful things in our lives that we love, so it's time to think of what yours are and write them down, with a pen and paper.

This act of writing things down helps to cement them in our minds and make them more real, more touchable, and more memorable.Continue Reading

When You're Ready For a Change

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When it's time to make a change, start with external changes and use those to drive the necessary internal changes.
Photo Credit: Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

When I first moved down to Southern California from Vancouver, Canada it was because I was desperately in need of a change. I was tired of being single. Almost all my friends were married, and the ones who were single were stuck in the same negative patterns, bringing themselves down and me down with them.

I felt like I had exhausted the supply of any men worth dating out there and I was tired of repeating the same old patterns over and over again with the same kind of princes who always turned out to be frogs. Attracting emotionally unavailable men, however promising and full of potential they seemed, had become my MO and was taking a toll on my self-esteem. I was starting to question whether there really was something wrong with me after all, and was beginning to wonder whether I would ever find someone compatible who would want to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him!

California seemed so full of promise; the promise of a new life, of a sort of rebirth, and I felt it calling to me even as I had visited there and found everything falling into place to make the move to this new life. I was sure this was going to be the beginning of my new life.

What I found, however, was that although everything was new and exciting, I was still attracting a very similar kind of man. One that I soon came to recognize as the same kind I had been attracting back in my old hometown. The realization struck me that even though I had made such a huge change in my move, I was still the same me. I was still the same person with the same subconscious needs that were still attracting the same type of men in this new location, even though everything externally was different.

I suddenly realized that even though I had made such a big external change, and had gotten a whole new look, and a new wardrobe and a new career, I was essentially the same person inside. It was no wonder I was still attracting the same thing; I had changed the exterior things of myself, but I hadn’t gotten to the root of the source. The me deep down inside with all of the baggage I had accumulated over my entire life to that point and time in my life. And no changes to the external were going to bring about the kind of true change I was looking for until I finally figured that out.

And this is what I ultimately discovered: While external change can often be the impetus for true change, providing the inspiration to give us the motivation to change course, it is only when we look within ourselves to make those internal changes within ourselves, that we can expect to start attracting something different in our lives and creating a truly new life for ourselves. Without that internal shift in consciousness, we can’t expect any external changes to automatically bring about the changes in our relationships that we’re looking for. Until we figure that out, we are only bringing our old selves along with us.

So, if you feel that urge to change your life up, try out a new city or even country, to remake yourself, by all means go ahead and follow that new path and make those external changes that give you a fresh new start to your life. But along the way, remember that making that fresh start and breaking those all too familiar relationship patterns that aren’t working is all about helping you do the internal work of looking honestly and lovingly at yourself and who you really are, and asking yourself those deep questions we talked about in our last post. It's about letting go of what's not working, and finding yourself.

It’s never easy to be honest with ourselves and face some of our toughest decisions where love and relationships are concerned, but it’s the only way to start bringing something different into our lives, and ultimately someone worthy of the kind of love we have to offer.

5 Secrets to Staying Sane In a World of Couples

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Beautiful single woman is at a wedding celebrating with her friends who are all in relationships. 5 secrets to staying sane in a world of couples.Does it sometimes feel like everyone in the world is in a relationship except you? I've been there, and here are five secrets I learned along the way that will save your sanity!

I remember that feeling that would come over me when, as a single girl, I would get an invitation to a party or a wedding or another event where I knew there would be mostly couples in attendance.  As much as I would look on the positive side and think I might meet Mr. Right there (because that was always in the back of my  mind), the reality was my married friends would all have each other and I would once again feel like the fifth wheel I always seemed to be.

It always seemed to be little old single me amongst all the happy, smiling couples who seemed to have everything I was looking for. No matter how much I tried to feel ok by myself, that deep longing to be part of a couple never went away. Nor did the feeling that there was something wrong with me that made me wonder if I would ever figure out what it was I was supposed to do to be on the other side.  On that elusive couples side that always seemed to escape me.

No matter how much we may believe we are living in a different world today where it's more common than ever to be single or at least to marry much later in life, the reality is that it's almost impossible to forget that we are living in a couple's world.  From the numerous times you're asked if you're dating anyone, or why you're not married yet (or something else along those lines), to the special rates offered to couples everywhere from gyms to resorts to big box stores, the implied message is always the same – if you're not part of a couple, there's something wrong with you!

Or at least that was how I always felt.  For those of you who are able to ignore those messages and live your single lives to the fullest without feeling that way somewhere deep down inside, I admire you for being able to authentically be in that space amid such external pressure.  But for the rest of us, I've got a few things to share with you that I wish I had understood back when I was feeling so discontented being single when everyone else seemed to be with someone.

So what's a single gal to do in this couples world?  Plenty:

1.  Focus on YOU!

That's right – you. That beautiful person who looks back at you when you look in the mirror.  Take an inventory of everything you have in your life right now.  Look at the things you want to do, the places you want to visit, the experiences you want to have, and start making those things happen now; don't wait to start living until you've found someone to share your life with. Live your life like you've never lived it before.

2.  Remember that this is only temporary.

There are so many seasons in life.  This is only one of them.  Don't get so caught up in looking forward to the next seasons that you forget to enjoy the season that you're currently living in.  There will be positive and negative aspects to each period of your life; instead of looking at the future as being better than here, focus on what is great about right now.

3.  Give yourself a reality check about being part of a couple.

Spend some time with a married couple or a friend who's in a long term relationship to see the realities first hand for yourself.  Being a part of a couple is wonderful, but maintaining a healthy relationship is not without its challenges.  A reality check while being around them can give you a fresh perspective on some of the benefits of being single that you may not have realized in your quest to being part of a couple. This perspective can help to inspire you to enjoy your singlehood to the fullest.

4.  Ignore the cultural messages.

Remember that most of it is just programming and marketing, and the culture doesn't reflect what is going on in your life.  Hard to do, I know, but if you remind yourself of just how many single people there are out there, and especially how much money is made off of advertising that targets getting married, having a family and living happily ever after, it will help you see just how much of these cultural messages are actually part of big business, and not about your love life (or lack of one).

5.  Remember to breathe!

Go easy on yourself.  Stop being so hard on yourself.  Just because you've been where you've been and gone through your experiences doesn't mean you're set up to repeat the same patterns over and over again.  You can make changes; you can do things differently; you can stop repeating old patterns and you can (and will) attract someone different into your life as you begin to realize those baby steps towards changing those old patterns.

Remember, this is your time, your space, your season, your life.  Don't let someone else's idea of what it means to be happy take away from the joy of being you.

Radiant, beautiful, confident, currently single YOU!

6 Ways to Celebrate Valentine's Day While Single

4 Comments

A beautiful woman holds her hands in a heart shape over her heart symbolizing Valentine's Day.
This is your chance to celebrate - your way!

I know. It’s that holiday again.

The one where it seems like all of the women in the office are getting a big, gorgeous bouquet of flowers except you. Where you feel like there may as well be a big sign over your desk with an arrow pointing down saying “I don’t have anybody to send me flowers!” 

If that sounds more than a little cynical, it’s because I have a very good memory of all the Valentine’s Days I celebrated as a single girl, and I can still recall the dread I felt each year as the day rolled around.

Sure, there were a few years when I actually encountered both the holiday and a boyfriend at the same time – but this was a feat not often repeated. Most of the time it was just me watching from my cubicle as the parade of flower deliveries began finding their way all across the offices of the particular company where I was working at the time.

Always the same assortments of a dozen red roses; maybe with a different vase or a little more or less baby’s breath, but all saying the same thing: “I have someone; I’m not alone”. Continue Reading

My Christmas Wish for You

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Beautiful woman opening gift during the holidays.
This is the gift I want you to have.

I have a confession to make.

I’m the one who starts crying (OK, I have to admit sometimes I’m actually bawling) at some of the Christmas songs playing this time of year.

Maybe it’s because they bring back such memories of more than just time and places and experiences, but of actual emotions, and the feelings I had, whether it be happy, sad, excited, when these particular songs were playing.

Times that now only exist in the back room of my mind, and are brought out and dusted off for a fresh new look by my current self, whether I want to look or not.

Baby, Please Come Home for Christmas – my favorite version is the one by Bon Jovi (being the true 80’s girl that I am – hey, in Canada the 80’s didn’t happen until the 90’s, so it’s not that far off!). Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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