Relationships

The Relationships category contains posts regarding the stage after dating, in which you are generally in an exclusive monogamous relationship. The Relationships category includes posts on such topics as meeting the family, commitment, is he the right one for you?, etc.

He Just Wants To Be Friends

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A beautiful woman is sipping coffee while talking with a man over lunch, wondering why she's not getting what she wants in a relationship. — I'm happier being his friend than not having him in my life at all.

Beautiful Sandie is stuck in the friend zone, and isn't sure what to do. Sound familiar?

Here's her story:

Hi Jane, I have a question. If you decide to post this, please change my name.

About 6 months ago, I met a guy. He had been out of an 8 year relationship/engagement for about a year and was looking to move on in life.

I had been in and out of bad short term relationships. We had a rough start because I could not trust anyone and he was not over his ex.

We dated for about 3 months and it ended because we were both not truly ready for a real true relationship. We had no contact for about 2.5 months. I contacted him because I missed him and he says he misses me too.

However, he said he is not ready for a relationship.Continue Reading

Will He Ever Want a Committed Relationship? 3 Signs He Might

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A beautiful woman is being hugged — Here's how you know.

Of all the questions I'm asked, the one subject that gets more attention than anything else is whether or not a man will ever come around and commit.

Will he ever want a committed relationship?

There is just so much fear around this subject.

We're afraid that as soon as we leave, as soon as we decide to let go and move on, he will come around and want that committed relationship, and we will miss the kind of relationship with him we'd been waiting and holding on for so long for.

I remember having this exact feeling; I was just so sure that if I gave up waiting, if I let go of holding on and hanging around waiting for him to finally see the light, it would be at that exact time that he would be ready and I would miss out on everything I'd been waiting for!

First of all, let's set the record straight. If he were to come around and suddenly be ready to commit to you (and that's a huge if) and you had just left him, he would chase you. There's no way a man in love and ready to have a committed relationship with you is going to let you just walk away if he's made that decision, or is very close to making that decision.

The Most Important Question You Can Ask Yourself

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There is really only one question that it all comes down to if you peel away the layers of what's really going on...

When he hasn't called.

When he won't commit.

When he's not on the same page as you are, but you so want him to be.

When he lets you know clearly where he stands, and it's not where you stand.

When he tells you he needs space.

When he's getting emotionally distant.

When you find out he's not who you thought he was but you're afraid to let go of all the time and energy you've already invested.

When you want to believe you can change him.

When you don't want to give up on your dream of all that he could be, all that the two of you could be, if only he could see this the way you do.

It all boils down to one simple question, and it really is the most important question you can ask yourself:

Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

I get why you think you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Because we believe in their potential. We believe in the power of love. We believe we can love them enough to change them. We believe in miracles.

We believe that if we just hold out a little longer, give them a little more time and space, they'll see what could be, too.But you, my beautiful friend, deserve so much more than this.

You can't make anyone love you no matter how hard you try.

You can't change anyone except yourself.

You can't make him see what he's not open to seeing.

And you can't open his heart and mind to be open to you no matter how much you think that would change everything. If it's meant to be, it has to come from him. The only way you have a chance at finding out what could be is by finally letting go and living your life - for you, not for him.

Any other way is no way to live.

How Do I Get Closure When He Just Disappeared?

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Closeup of a beautiful woman is looking sad becasue her boyfriend has disappeared on her and she wants closure. — He literally walked away without a word about why.

It's heart-wrenching any time a relationship ends where we've invested so much of ourselves. But it's even more painful when the goodbyes are never actually said.

When it suddenly becomes clear that it's over, but we don't really know why.

We're left alone with only our own unanswered questions to keep us company.

It's so difficult because there's no closure.

I know many of you have experienced this at one time or another, and I have, too. One of our beautiful readers, Michelle, is experiencing this right now.

If you've been there, if you've gone through this, I'm sure she would appreciate any words of encouragement from you. Here's her story:Continue Reading

4 Ways Your Mom Messed Up Your Love Life

1. It started when you were a baby.

Researchers have found that the ability to love, trust and work through arguments is developed during infancy and can directly affect behavior in future relationships.

If your mother was distant or emotionally cold to you when you were a baby, you may find it very difficult to allow yourself to love and be loved later in life.

While these tendencies were developed before you were forming memories or even able to speak, that doesn't mean they can't be overcome but it does mean you may have some additional hurdles.

2. She set the example.

We're naturally programmed to view the type of relationship that our parents had as the norm, so if your parents had a loving, trusting, long-lasting relationship, then you're in luck.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

With roughly half of marriages ending in divorce, many more on the brink and others that are just downright dysfunctional, the majority of us are following examples that are less than stellar.

Continue reading on YourTango.com...

3 Steps to Get the Commitment You Want

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Not getting the kind of commitment that you want from your guy? Check out this article I wrote for YourTango for a few steps you can take to get to where you want to be…

We all want to feel like our partners are committed to us. In fact, a recent study commissioned by Benenden Health, one-third of the study participants said that they would feel more optimistic about their relationships if their partners showed them more commitment. On top of that, most married participants were significantly happier than their single fellow participants.

So now that science has proven an obvious truth about couples in relationships, what do you do when you aren't getting the level of commitment you want from the guy you're dating? Here are three simple steps you can take to move towards the kind of committed relationship that you really want:

Step One: know what level of commitment you want. Like most things in life, if you're unclear about what you really want out of a relationship then you're going to have a tough time getting it. Life tends to deliver to us exactly what we focus on, so if you're not focused on what you truly want, then it's time to define for yourself exactly what commitment looks like to you. Does it mean dating exclusively? Do you want an engagement ring on your finger or is a verbal profession of love good enough for you? Are you the type of person who feels that it's not a true commitment until you drive off in the limo with the "just married" sign taped on the trunk? These are all questions that you need to answer honestly with yourself. Continue reading on YourTango.com...

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He Just Wants To Be Friends

Here's her story:

Will He Ever Want a Committed Relationship? 3 Signs He Might

The Most Important Question You Can Ask Yourself

How Do I Get Closure When He Just Disappeared?

4 Ways Your Mom Messed Up Your Love Life

1. It started when you were a baby.

2. She set the example.

3 Steps to Get the Commitment You Want

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