Relationships

The Relationships category contains posts regarding the stage after dating, in which you are generally in an exclusive monogamous relationship. The Relationships category includes posts on such topics as meeting the family, commitment, is he the right one for you?, etc.

It's Hard Enough!

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A beautiful woman is frustrated with her head in her hands. — Do yourself a huge favor, right now.

Isn't that how you feel?

Everything already feels so hard, and then you have someone who isn't on the same page as you when it matters most.

No matter how hard you think it is now, it doesn't get any easier the longer you wait for someone to come around and change when the warning signs are there if you could trust yourself enough to see them.

Life is messy. Relationships aren't fantasies.

Who you are and who he is are products of years of programming - mostly the subconscious kind neither one of you are even aware of. Until the honeymoon is over and you're only left with reality, because the beginning wasn't who he really was.

At least not in a way he could indefinitely sustain.

It's why we excuse away those little behaviors that are actually the seeds of huge red flags. It's why we let those small things we don't want to make a mountain of slide, because of our own inherent confirmation biases.Continue Reading

Should I Take Him Back?

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A beautiful woman looks sad because her boyfriend doesn't want to be with her. — Is there a chance he means it this time?

Beautiful Tania is wondering if she should take back her boyfriend of almost 9 years, or if he's just going to keep on doing the same things that have left her heartbroken in the past.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane

For the past 8 to 9 years I have been in a toxic relationship, yet I stay, as I can see the good in him.

Most women would've left and I myself would've left if I was a younger version of myself. I am unsure of what keeps me in it, it could be that after me leaving all of my previous relationships that I have now developed a belief that I need to try harder, combined with a fantasy of this guy while he was with his previous partner.

I saw him be so attentive to her and wanted that kind of relationship for myself.

He has 3 children, 2 girls and 1 boy, to his previous relationship and I have 2 girls to my previous relationship. It all started good, as relationships usually do, and then he decided to over rule me and my decisions about whether my eldest was allowed to sit in the front seat of the car or not.Continue Reading

He Lied to Me

Her story:

Hello Jane,

I found your blog while searching for an answer to my question in Google.

I have been dating this guy for almost 4 months. I introduced him to my friends and family. My friends and family accepted him; he is the first guy I introduced to them. We planned our future and decided to get married this summer. I know people are questioning us why it's so quick when we just met.

Last week, I found out that he was married.

When I called him and asked him if it is true, he said yes, that he got married 6 years ago but that they already separated and his wife has her own family now.

I asked him why he lied not just to me, he lied to all the people around us.

He said he is single, and he doesn't want to talk about his past anymore.Continue Reading

He Ignores My Messages

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A woman looks at her phone wondering why he stopped texting. — He suddenly stopped messaging or even responding to me!

Our letter today comes from one of our beautiful readers around the world, who I'll call Louisa.

She's wondering about the behaviour of a guy she's been in contact with for two and a half months, after meeting him doing an archaelogical dig.

Regardless of where in the world you are, I think you'll find the same thing I've discovered in getting to know so many of you; that there are others just like you, with the same beautiful hearts and souls, everywhere on this beautiful planet of ours. I hope hearing from these women each week helps remind you of that, and makes you feel a little less ashamed to be you and a whole lot less alone.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I have met a guy during archaeological excavations. We liked each other and we said that to each other.

We have a lot in common, but we kept some distance, not becoming very close with each other because we knew we would be separated soon in our countries and that would be sad.Continue Reading

My Boyfriend Keeps Breaking Up With Me and Coming Back

13 Comments

A couple enjoying embrace of each other and tenderly smiling — Why does he keep breaking up, then 3 days later he says he made a mistake?

This week's letter comes from Sue, who's wondering if it's normal for her boyfriend of 2 1/2 years to keep breaking up with her, then saying he made a mistake and wanting to get back together.

She's unfortunately not alone here, as many of the women I work with have similar stories to her - one of the most common questions I get is "Why does my boyfriend keep breaking up with me and coming back?"

His ambivalence is part of a larger problem, and I go into detail about that in my response here. I hope it helps both you, Sue, as well as others of you going through this right now.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

The same situation as you described about breaking up after 3-4 months in a perfect relationship happened to me. Then in 3 days he called and said he made a mistake. We have broken up probably six times and gotten back together in a 2 1/2 year relationship.

We can't stay away from each other.Continue Reading

He Says They're My Feelings and He Can't Change Them

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Woman lying in bed upset, wondering if she chased him away — The only thing I want is love.

Our letter this week comes from beautiful Anna. She's having doubts about a man she's been dating for a year and a half and isn't sure what she should do with them. I have some thoughts for her and after hearing her story, I'm sure you will, too.

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

I have been reading your emails for some time and they are very encouraging so I would like to thank you for that.

I've been dating this man for a year and a half. He is kind, and a good man, and we are in exclusive relationship. He treats me well, he says he loves me and that he is in love with me. However, when I am with him, sometimes I feel I work hard for his attention.

I feel like he is distracted with his thoughts.Continue Reading

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It's Hard Enough!

Should I Take Him Back?

Here's her story:

He Lied to Me

Her story:

He Ignores My Messages

Here's her story:

My Boyfriend Keeps Breaking Up With Me and Coming Back

Here's her email:

He Says They're My Feelings and He Can't Change Them

Here's her email:

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