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Inspiration

The Inspiration category contains posts intended to inspire you to be your best in both love and in life. To remind you that you are beautiful, that you have worth, that you deserve the best that life and love have to offer. The Inspiration category also includes a collection of various poems, stories, etc. that have given me inspiration over the years that I'm now sharing with you.

Are you distracting yourself with THIS?

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Closeup of a beautiful woman is looking sad becasue her boyfriend has disappeared on her and she wants closure.
You have to stop doing this to yourself.

If you've noticed there's a theme to my messages, my stories, and just about everything else I share with you, you're absolutely right.

It's the theme that says "There's nothing wrong with you; it's the wrong people in your life that's the problem!"

And while many of you push back on that because you've been so ingrained in taking personal responsibility for yourself and your actions to the point where you're the only one who's required to do that and everyone else gets off with an excuse, it's precisely by recognizing this theme as being true for you that you'll be able to take proper responsibility for yourself without the distraction of picking yourself apart like you've gotten so used to doing in the search for your answers!Continue Reading

Learning to say "No"

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A beautiful woman standing firmly with her arms crossed in front of her depicting that she is learning to say no
In your own voice, in your own way.

It's one of the most seemingly benign things that I teach my coaching clients early, but it's a consequential one.

Learning to say "no" in your own voice, in your own way.

Gently, but firmly.

The most important part is that it's in your own voice in a way that reflects your own personality, in a way that you feel comfortable owning it.

If it's only what someone else tells you to say, it won't have the same effect. You have to practice this until it comes naturally from you!

Don't explain, don't defend. Say it again clearly if you need to.

See, when you've been told your whole life you're not allowed to have boundaries, when you've been conditioned to make everyone else feel good regardless of how you feel, one of the hardest things you'll ever do is risk disappointing someone by saying the words they least want to hear - you saying "no".

But if you're going to find the right ones for you, you've got to make sure you can say no to the wrong ones first!

One small step in the right direction. Yes, it does start with something this simple.

And if you need help with this, just let me know.

Love,

Jane

How about you, Beautiful? Do you have a hard time saying "no"? Share your feelings, experiences and struggles with us below in the comments!

If you don't fix THIS first, nothing else gets fixed either

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Woman sitting by a lake feeling all alone in her relationship.
You can't will yourself to make this easier.

It's usually after you've tried everything else that you find your way here.

When everyone else has made you feel so much worse for not being able to figure this whole life/love/relationships thing out on your own, and you can now add shame to everything else you feel.

Did they think you didn't want to be able to figure this out on your own?

Of course you did! It's no wonder you have to build up the courage to finally try again.

Maybe this time will be different, but do this enough times and it makes perfect sense why you've resorted to humor or sarcasm or just about any other coping mechanism to hide your pain.

Don't play this game anymore.

This going back to the same people you couldn't count on before to try to get some love and grace, only to feel once more that there's something wrong with you that you can't do the scariest thing; something (anything) different.Continue Reading

When all you feel is PRESSURE

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A beautiful woman holds her head questioning if she's in a healthy relationship.
That's your real worst fear, isn't it?

One of these days, Beautiful, you're going to get up enough nerve to finally do that thing you keep telling yourself you can't do. That thing you think you're not good enough to do. That thing that you think someone else will always be able to do better than you.

And you're going to go be that person you've always thought could only be someone else.

You're going to stop looking in the mirror so critically at everything you think you have to change first. You're going to stop looking at all those milestones someone arbitrarily decided for you.

And you're going to choose your own goals and plans and dreams instead of waiting to see if you can get enough approval for your own.

You can't do this with someone breathing over you (either figuratively or literally) telling you who you are or what you're supposed to be.Continue Reading

The Lie of Brokenness

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Woman looking into a broken mirror representing her low self-esteem.
No, there's nothing wrong with you.

When you've been told over and over again that you're broken, when you've been told you have to go to some being outside yourself to ask for forgiveness for the simple act of being human, you're going to forever have a hard time believing you're not.

And when heartbreak turns to more heartbreak and you can't seem to learn well enough from your past mistakes to exact any kind of different outcome, it's a tragedy that all you've got left is a scenario where you cast yourself at yet another man's feet and beg for forgiveness - for grace - to be given the right to be here just as you are.

It's something wrong with you all over again when you're told the very essence of you is bad, wrong, in desperate need of correction. Because the theme is the same as the one you first learned: you will always need someone outside of yourself to save you from yourself!

Look within, Beautiful. Look at your beautiful heart and soul.

Is there any good in you? Not their answer this time, but the answer that's your own.

The truth is, there is nothing but good in your heart, in you! You don't need this validation from anyone else for it to be true. That's how we got here in the first place.

Search your own heart and find your truth.Continue Reading

Once upon a time, there was a little girl with a dream. Remember her?

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Beautiful little girl with big dreams, standing in a field blowing dandelion seeds.
What ever happened to her?

You remember her, don't you? She was you, not so very long ago.

What happened to her? Where did she go? What did she give up on? What did she go through that so tragically changed her?

See, there's something we're missing.

Someone, actually.

Someone to hear our stories.

Someone to see us in those stories.

Someone who cares enough to listen without judgement.

Someone who understands because they've been there before.

If you don't have that person in your life, I have some very good news for you.

You do today.

In honor of all of you, I've decided to devote today's post to being here, listening to your stories and answering as many of your questions as I can in real time today, below in the comments section of the blog.

Share your story in the comments below. Let me know what you need. Tell me how I can help you.

I'm here for you.

Love,

Jane

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