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Archives for January 2018

A Few Things We All Need to Do

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Beautiful, happy, smiling woman lying on the field in green grass.
Smile. You'll change the world.

You say you're done with all the rest.

You say you're ready to find the love you've been searching for, like, forever.

But do you really mean it?

It's time to start living like you mean what you say!

No more excuses, no more putting your love life on hold while the days slip away.

Yes, it's going to require some work on your part. But this is one where you set the pace. How quickly you want this to happen for you is completely up to you!

It's time to start paying attention – really listening - to that self-talk you do every day. Start noticing everything you do and say that isn't the truth about you. Everything that's someone else's version of you, someone else's story that's been put on you.Continue Reading

Forbidden Love

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Silhouette of a woman and a man about to kiss, symbolizing love.
I'm making the decision each and every time to see him.

This week, beautiful Maree writes to tell her story of "forbidden love".

Here's what she wrote:

Hi Jane,

I am in a very wierd situation at the moment and the pull is too strong for me to see reality.

I have met an amazing young man 19 years younger...I am 44 he is 25.

I have never felt so at ease so myself so comfortable and connected as I do with him. We haven't had sex but there is a lot of fire and passion when we kiss...so even on a physical level we are deeply attracted.

So now...here is the problem...I feel so ashamed to say it...but I need to share...he is the elder brother of my daughters boyfriend...I know...it is sickly and not done. AND I SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF MYSELF!!!

My daughter means everthing to me!! And yet I am making the decision each and every time to see him...

Please wake me up and slap me out of this!!Continue Reading

What No One Ever Tells You About Real Love

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Close up of man and woman holding hands in the sunset.
It's the part about real love they left out.

I wasn’t real.

They, on the other hand, might have been. But I would never know.

Because until I was able to get real, nothing was real. What I came face to face with was the reality that I didn’t know how to be real. I was too busy trying to be perfect.

Trying to figure out what it was they wanted me to be and then being that. Trying to prove my worthiness, my perfectness, my "perfect girlfriend-ness".

That’s all I knew. And that’s what I thought mattered.

I knew I wanted someone to choose me, to make me feel like something. To give a life to fit into. To give me a world to fit into and a role to play. To give me the instruction sheet on how to do a relationship.

Just tell me what you want me to be and I’ll be it.  Continue Reading

He Said Goodbye...

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Sad woman missing her boyfriend after breakup with a broken picture of the couple on the bed.
It really hurts that he hasn't contacted me.

This week our letter comes from beautiful Rainie. Her on-again, off-again relationship recently ended over the holidays (why is it always over the holidays...????) and she's devastated.

Here's her email:

I met this guy online five years ago.

We both had not been in a relationship for many, many years. He was working 7 days a week in his own business and I had a son who had disabilities and was devoted to him. We both had our commitments that prevented us from seeing each other a lot but we would communicate each day, most days of the week anyway.

We were each other’s support to a certain extent.

Two years after we first met we had a fight and went our own separate ways. I was devastated at the time... A year later he contacted me again and we ended up being in the same sort of relationship as previously which was suitable for both of us.

Two years have past since then and we have drawn closer to each other, more than before. We live a fair distance from each other, so with his work commitment and my commitment to my son we did not see each other that often.

We would just email each other all the time.Continue Reading

Why Taking the Pressure Off Is Your Fastest Route to Love!

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Ballroom dance floor abstract, digital painting in red, purple, white, blue, tan.
It's tiime to set yourself free!

There’s a song I used to love belting out the lyrics to – never mind that it was sung by a sensitive, soft-spoken man with a perm who could have been old enough to be my dad.

When I heard the words and looked up the lyrics to make sure I had them right, they resonated with me in a way that nothing had before.

It didn’t matter that I was only in my twenties myself. It didn’t matter that I was probably the last person he imagined identifying with them and he certainly hadn’t written them for someone like me.

What mattered was that in my twenties I felt old.

I had always been an old soul. I knew more and felt more and understood more than most anyone my age, and almost all of my friends and boyfriends had always been much older than me. So when first heard the song, I understood from my old soul standpoint just like everyone who it was actually intended for would.Continue Reading

How Do I Ask Him How He Feels?

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A man and a woman are having a serious discussion over dinner because she wants to know how he feels about her.
I don't want to come off as clingy!

This week, beautiful Pauli writes to us about her new relationship that's moving along (at least physically) very quickly.

Here's her story:

Good Morning Jane!

I have watched your free video series, and it has helped lessen my relationship anxiety quite a bit already!!

I was very tempted to accept your half price offer on the next series however, I am in a  fairly new relationship, and I am having trouble with how relevant the information may be to my current situation.

Having been married and divorced/separated twice, with both husbands stepping out of the marriage and into affairs, I have wondered on and off if it was something I was doing, but I have realized now, with your help, that these men were not the right ones for me.

So.... my questions so far are in regard to my "new" relationship.

We have been seeing each other for 2 months but he lives a fair distance away, so we have actually only spent 6 days together in person in that 2 months. He does text or call me on the phone every day.

We were brought together by mutual, long time friends who think we would make a great couple. We have a great chemistry, but I wonder if it's too good. I find myself wondering if what we have is mostly sexual in nature on his part.Continue Reading

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