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Sex On the First Date

13 Comments

A beautiful woman and man are becoming intimate.
I had sex on the first date - did I ruin my chances?

Our beautiful friend, Ashley, is concerned that having sex on the first date with a guy she's crazy about may have ruined her chances for a real, long lasting relationship with him.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

Long story short, I am crazy about this guy I've been seeing for a week and half. lol.

He lives and hour and half away.

I met him at a DJ class he was teaching a few months ago. He gave me his business card and I emailed him about DJ stuff. He responded then I heard nothing from him until 2 weeks ago.

He invited me to go to a DJ cafe with him in his town. So I went we hit it off, he was a gentleman and paid for everything.

We ended up having sex that night.

And we've been texting ever since. He texts me good morning and text throughout the day. He came to my town to celebrate my birthday with me on Saturday.

I know it's kind of soon, but I want more out of this relationship, I want him to be my boyfriend. It hasn't even been a full 2 weeks yet though, and I'm nervous that having a sexual relationship with him so soon ruined my chance.

What should I do?

- Ashley

My Response:

Continue Reading

9 Simple Things You Can Do to Lift Your Pre-Valentine's Day Spirits

17 Comments

A beautiful woman is happy drinking a cup of coffee on a winter day near Valentine's day.
Here are a few simple and easy ways to lift your spirits this week!

It's almost Valentine's Day. The day that so many of us can't help but think about love. About what it is and what it isn't. And more than anything else, about the love we want and the love we so often feel we have to try to get from someone else.

And if you, like so many of the beautiful women here in our community, are finding yourself without a date to spend this Valentine's Day with, just know that you're not alone.

While it's easy to say that it's just another day, I know all too well how it's also all too easy to start feeling down, especially with all of the attention given to this holiday that's all about having someone special in your life.

So with that in mind, I've got something simple for you today. A little something to shift just a little for a moment onto someone that deserves a little extra love and attention than we normally give her.

Yes, I'm talking about you.

Get out your to-do list or a blank sheet of paper and follow along with me for some attention to detail that we often miss along the way.

Here are nine things you can do, right now, that are completely under your control, that will get things moving in the right direction:Continue Reading

I Don't Want Him to Have the Last Word

31 Comments

A woman is looking at her tablet reading a nasty email from her ex after a break up.
I want to respond to his nasty email, but I know I shouldn't.

Our gorgeous friend, who I'll call "Madeline", was very hurt by a nasty email from her ex after their break up. She's having a very hard time letting go, and wants to let him know just how much he has hurt her with the things he said.

Here's her email:

Thank you for all of the tips to make this new year successful!

I am a 58 year old woman that was in a long term (17 year) on and off relationship.  Right after New Years, he broke it off (not the first time) and said some very hateful and nasty things when he did (via email, of course).

Maybe I should back up a little.....

I live in CA and he lives in Oregon.  I have lived in Oregon with him and he has lived in CA with me and 3 times we have gone our separate ways, only to eventually work things out and get together again.

8 years ago, he lived with me in CA and I asked him to leave he had a horrible gambling problem and had started to put walls up all around.Continue Reading

How Calling or Texting Him Only Changes One Thing

142 Comments

A woman is wondering if she should call or text him.
Calling or texting him won't change him, but it will change you!

It's the 21st century. A most confusing time when it comes to the age-old question of "Can I call him or do I have to wait for him to call me?"

And I know you've been overwhelmed with so many different answers to that one question. Everyone seems to have a different answer for you, with different reasons to back them up and different way of letting you know. But behind all this confusion, lies a simple basic truth that has always been the same, that will never change regardless of what our culture chooses to do.

If you call him or text him when you haven't heard from him, it won't change the way he feels about you, it won't change whether or not he was going to call you anyway.

But it will change you.

Because there's something we do with ambiguous situations like this. We go to our #1 go-to place - that place known as "overthinking".

The one where we question whether we shouldn't have said something. Or if we should have said something else instead of what we did say. Where we get hung up on  what he thought, or what his response (or non-response) meant.

Where we blame ourselves completely for what we should have known. Or for even calling or texting him at all.

This is what changes us! Continue Reading

How Do I Say No When I Can't Stop Thinking About Him?

45 Comments

A beautiful woman is trying to break free of a guy that she can never seem to say no to.
How do I say no to him?

Our gorgeous friend, who has called herself "Mayan Goddess", is wondering how to break free of a guy that she can never seem to say no to.

Here's her story:

He says it's complicated with his on-and-off-again girlfriend... He said, I don't want to break your heart.

How do I know when to say, "no" when all I think about is being with him?

My story short version:  It was three years ago when I first laid eyes on him.  He started working where I was filling in for a coworker for a month. It was weird. We couldn't keep our eyes off each other. I would catch him staring at me.

When we looked at each other it was like we were gazing at the stars (at least from everyone else's opinion.) I was married at the time. He had a girlfriend.  Although, we chatted every now and then, we were respectful to one another.

It took three weeks before I mentioned I was married and before he mentioned his "girlfriend."

We were in the elevator alone one time and I just was so nervous, I was red and felt like I couldn't breathe. He, too, was red staring at me and having small talk. It was only 20 seconds or so but felt like it was an eternity.....

I filled in every now and then for my coworker for three more months.... He finally was transferred (or moving up the ladder) and went on to his next assignment.  We never did anything nor ever said anything for that matter, but we just knew.

That was the last time I seen him. 2012/February... I had said to myself, "Wow, Lord. How lucky is his girlfriend? What I would give to experience being with such a highly-respected/kind/thoughtful guy??? She's super lucky!"

In those two-and-a-half years,I thought about him often. Wondered if we would cross paths again. I knew sooner or later we would. It was inevitable because of where we worked.  (Legal system.)

I had been in a abusive marriage for a very long time. My marriage finally ended.Continue Reading

Why He'll Commit to Her, But Not to You

233 Comments

A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her.
That was supposed to be me!

There's nothing quite like seeing the guy who just broke your heart out with someone else.

It doesn't seem to matter how much time has passed; if you haven't moved on and he has, there's nothing that stalls your progress as quickly as that sight. Seeing him with someone else, in that place where you were supposed to be. It makes you experience that heartbreak all over again.

"It was supposed to be me", you think to yourself.

How does it happen? You want to know. Why her – and not me?

I, too, spent far too many hours of my life trying to find the answers to both of those questions. Because, after all, if we know the answer to that, then we feel like we finally have some control over our lives.

After all, we've all heard the all-too familiar story of the rare guy who's been in his fair share of long-term relationships, but never found a reason to commit – until suddenly, we get the news through a friend that he's found the "right" woman for him and his previous aversion to commitment has suddenly gone away.

You wanted this with him. Why couldn't this be happening to you?

Why weren't you enough for him?Continue Reading

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