It’s the simplest thing.
It all begins simply by noticing. Noticing.
You have to stop long enough to notice if you’re going to see anything different at all. Your soft skin, your silky hair, your beautiful eyes.
Your strong arms. Your long legs.
Brushing each strand of your gorgeous, sensuous hair in long, broad, strokes.
Consciously noticing.
Applying moisturizer to your beautiful soft, skin. Feeling the lotion on your body.
It feels different from your usual routine when you leave a little extra time for the process instead of the duty.
Each and every act sends the same subtle message; you matter.
Every time you consciously wash your beautiful skin instead of simply showering.
Every time you allow yourself to linger in the bath with a little music and essential oils instead of jumping out.
Every time you choose something pretty to wear instead of something you’ve gotten so used to picking out that “works”.
Every time you choose to nourish your body with fresh, healthy, organic food instead of reaching for the old standby box of processed, packaged snacks.
Every time you choose to take a walk in nature, and inhale into your lungs the gift of fresh air instead of rushing through life.
Every time you choose to exercise your strong muscles in all your beautiful body parts instead of sitting in your favorite spot in front of the TV.
Each and every time you make a conscious effort in your busy day to make a moment or two just for you, instead of forgetting that you matter, too.
And every night when you make time to give yourself the nurturing gift of sleep, instead of staying up late again to compare yourself to what everyone else is doing on social media.
Every time you do any one of these things and so many others, you send yourself the most powerful message of all: “You’re worth taking care of”.
You’re worth the time.
You’re worth the effort.
You’re worth the energy.
You’re worth everything.
It’s the opposite of most of the messages we hear. Hurry. Rush. Get up. Get out. Get going. Quick. Go. No time for that now; it'll have to wait. There’s just not enough time.
Take a minute right now to think of how ingrained those messages are. Subtle, maybe. But always there.
There’s no time for you.
There’s only time for everyone else.
It’s time to change this. It’s time to give ourselves better than we’ve been doing. It’s time to nourish, nurture and notice our own self-care needs for a change.
You matter, Beautiful. More than you ever think you do.
Count it a privilege to be able to take care of yourself like this. An honor. A pleasure. No, you’re not second-class or second-rate or anybody’s second-best. You’re beautiful. You’re worth everything. Because you’re you.
We’re so good at taking care of everyone else but ourselves! Are you seeing this? I’d love to hear how this resonated with you. Tell us about it in the comments!
What a nice article!
on the other day i was taking a shower and suddenly i noticed something! how harsh i am on myself...
It was really sad moment for me but i changed it. I try to really touch my skin when applying lotion, it really brings you joy.
Yes, it works and feels great.
Amazing how often we miss this part, Parisa. So glad you're discovering it again!
You will know that you've healed this issue in your life when you consciously allow into our personal and private life only those people, including men, who think this about you and behave accordingly:
You’re worth the time.
You’re worth the effort.
You’re worth the energy.
You’re worth everything.
Not because you are a princess but because of the type of feeling someone has about you specifically.
Like when you go to a flea market perhaps and find an antique chair with good woodwork, but the upholstery is a total loss. Some people, but not most people, will buy that chair and refurbish it with new upholstery and paint. Couldn't they just buy a brand new chair? Yes, but this is what they want to do. To them, that chair is worth time, effort, energy, cost.
Look for that feeling, filter it in.
This is not a fantasy. If you think this means a gazillionaire will turn up in your life, that is a fantasy, and it's easy to escape into fantasy when we are having an awful time.
Instead, once you decide that this sort of thing is what you want and what you will accept, real people who are part of your own social world turn up, who treat you like this--someone who happens to sit next to you at church or someone you always see at your bus stop every morning but never noticed before.
You, who are so used to being treated so very badly, have to evolve to the point where you can take in the unalloyed warmth and kindness of such people. When you can, they turn up for real.
You really are worth it, just as much as all those people you've been spending your precious time on. If not more . . . .
Wow, those are gorgeous words full of wisdom. I'm going to make a conscious effort to accept the unalloyed warmth and kindness of good people who come into my life. Those who are willing to invest their own precious time, effort, and energy into me are a gift and actually, they are the only kind of people I should accept into my life!
Beautiful words. Thank you for sharing this message with us. It truly is inspiring. God bless you.
You've painted such an eloquent picture of how this shift in bringing love into our lives happens, Ramani. Thank you; you've described a new way of seeing this for many.
Thank you for the reminder of this ageless truth that we have distanced ourselves from!! I should never forget my worth, and the worth of all others. I want to feel proud, oh so very proud, of who I am, and I wish the same for everyone else on this planet! I matter the most possible amount one could matter!!! It feels weird and conceited to say, but it's only the truth and I never want to forget it.
And yet to the little girl within each of us who hears us finally say these words she's been waiting so long for us to realize, there is nothing weird or conceited about them. We miss this part to the detriment of every one of our collective beautiful selves! It is only our waking up and throwing off our cultural conditioning that allows us to finally embrace them.
Thank you Jane for the reminder!!!
My pleasure, RealDavis!
Jane,
You speak the truth. I have always taken care of my five children and made sure they had my time for all their activities, only to forgetting to take time for me. I only have two children at home- teenagers and now I do take time to feel good, wear that pretty clothes, exercise, changed my eating habits, had weight loss, it all has made me feel great. Now, my children are complimenting me that I look great and look happier. So yes we have to take the time to enjoy doing things for ourselves and it's ok. To be able to make new habits and rid of the old ones. Thanks for your newsletter they have helped me tremendously and all you do in helping women that need that reminder that they do matter, that we can be healthy and that we must love ourselves first always.
Sonia
So glad this resonated with you, Sonia. And thank you for your kind words. You've got this!
Yes, everything you say does resonate with me. The love I desire to have starts with me. I can give myself love, care and attention. It does not mean I'm self-centered but that I am worthy and deserving to being well taken care of.
I am reaping the benefits of buying myself fresh flowers every week. Joy fills my heart every time I look at them. I dress becomingly every time I leave the house. I enjoy my clothes and accessories and how I feel when I wear them. I realize I love skirts and have decided to buy more of them.
I recently went to an esthetician and I was worth every penny that it cost me. My brows look great and I got rid the hair that was growing under my lip and chin area. This simple indulgence made me want to do more for myself because I can. I don't need anyone's permission to do so.
Thank you Jane for reaffirming me that I am beautiful, confident and deserving of love. Love is all around me; all I have to do is be willing to receive it.
BRAVO!!!
Exactly, Anne-Marie! Thank you for sharing. We never need anyone's permission to take care of ourselves like this, but we so often believe we do!
I am going to print this email out and have it with me at all times. To remind myself that i should take care of me. This was inspirational. Often i eat foods that are "healthy" because i think it'll help me maintain weight but i forget that it takes care of my body. I often sit in front of my TV all afternoon because while my job isn't very busy i feel so drained when i leave that i don't have the energy to exercise in the afternoon. I shower because i am always in a hurry even if i have nowhere to be. This is a reminder to take care of me and i will print it and have it with me to read in busy times 🙂
What a great idea, Shinelle! You're right; if it's not right there in front of us, this idea of self-care can be so foreign to us we absolutely forget!
in the past month i've had a deaf guy who wanted to see me and i wasn't interested in him n tried to ask me to go out with him when my parents were away in July just gone & i kept rejecting his meetings coz i didn't know how i would communicate in sign language to him n felt so annoyed of him asking me that and 1 night he said to me he was horny n i wasn't & he understood i was virgin which i've been all of my life. it was like meeting him on FB n he was 5 years older than me n he wanted to skype me n say stuff like i wanna kiss u, i want to see u but he never asked me out. it made me realised i was that person who did that to my crush 2 years ago in Nov it showed how he felt. in the end i blocked the deaf guy on my txts, FB and skype so he can't contact me.
1 week later i get off the train n this young guy asks do u want sex i said nope, then he said would u like to meet up later in a nice way n i said maybe n he asked for my number n i accidentally gave him my number wheras i knew i shouldn't do that. i was doing my volunteer work and this young guy txts me about sex n i act like i wasn't interested, he was 22 n i was 27 and he wanted to go down to the river after work, i said no, i rather be casual friends first n sit by the cafe then he says he doesn't have any money n i thought wtf why would he not have any money??? so i ended up not going to the river coz it was a bad thing so i went with the friends i knew to nandos to cheer me up. at nandos he txt'd if i was still in town, never answered so i blocked his number n i asked myself why do the pervert men want to date me? that guy never asked me out or anything
there is 1 guy where he knows my best friends in a community and i met him 5 years ago b4 my best friends met him. this year he remembered me n i was like OMG. 1 time i used to stalk him but then i stopped. when he's online on facebook i'm so shy to start a convo with him to see how he is etc. he's 6 years older than me n he was online last nite n i asked my best friend if i could talk to him n she said to me if i talk to much i will scare him away, talk to him every 3 weeks or so. i don't want to stalk him again. idk whether to let it happen or make it happen. i really like this guy i see him when me n my best friends are gardening in the communty in 1 big group.
i would like to go out with him but then my mind says he's too busy with work n can't go out unless it's a public holiday or special occasion like Xmas. i told 1 of my best friends that she should invite him to group outings but hasn't done it. he's very kind n i feel he's the right 1 after being friends for 5 years. idk whether he's taken or not coz it doesn't show his r-ship status on FB
i would like to keep him as friend n i would like to add my crush back as a friend so he can see the new me. but with this 1 guy i do like is worth my time & everything.
i don't want to scare both of the guys i like away or stalk them. how can i keep this 1 guy interested by not stalking him or scaring him away after having to know him for 5 years?
Be yourself, Courtney. Let them come to you. Your role isn't to keep someone interested in you, it's to be interesting enough by having enough of your own life so that the ones who are truly compatible with you are compatible with the real you!
Jane, doing those things make me feel selfish. And frivolous. I feel I should not enjoy luxuries with time and money while others are suffering - Besides which I suffer from a chronic disease myself - and somehow don't feel that a sick body has the luxury of being pampered. I don't know how to explain that feeling .... But it's as if my body is icky/dirty ... And why would you pamper that kind of body? That's also getting old.....
Not selfish, Nally - but I know how much our programming has a way of telling us that story! That feeling came from the messages you received from everyone else - and speaks to your beautiful, sensitive soul that absorbed them so! Time for a new story beginning today. Tell that beautiful body of yours that it's beautiful right now - and then show it with actions that support your words.