One of our beautiful readers, who has called herself "Sleepless in Seattle", is wondering if the guy she's interested in will ever want a committed relationship with her, or if he just wants to be friends.
Here's her email:
Dear Jane,
I need help with this guy.
We met each other about three months ago in a play that we were both a part of, and I liked him immediately. After a couple months of being just casual acquaintances, we began messaging over Facebook. After we began messaging, we messaged practically every night for hours for about two weeks.
He even said twice in a joking way, "Why don't we just get married already?"
Then, we hung out together with a mutual friend at the movies. Then we finally hung out alone and I felt serious chemistry between us. He was always hugging me, staring at me, touching my hands, smiling.
Then, I told him that I had feelings for him.
He responded saying that he liked me that way too, but he had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn't looking for another relationship right now. He said that he really wants to be friends with me though, and that he'll think about a relationship with me.
That was a few weeks ago, and we haven't hung out or talked much since.
I asked him to hang out once, but he was busy with a project that he had to finish. He did mention future plans with me, but didn't set a date or anything.
Please help! Is he still interested? Should I still have hopes of something beyond friendship with him?
Would trying to make real plans with him again be a bad idea?
- Sleepless in Seattle
My Response:
Dear Sleepless in Seattle,
How much easier it would be if someone came right out and told you what they feel, what they mean, and what you can expect from them! But instead, there is this other language of mixed messages, mixed signals, and confusing language that leaves you wondering where you stand, what he’s thinking and what to do with it all.
The short answers? They’re the easiest ones to give, but the hardest ones for all of us to accept.
Because after all, we all want to believe he’s going to be different. We all want to believe we’re the exception to the “rule” or that there is even some kind of rule or rhyme or reason or percentage or something that we can hold onto.
Is he still interested?
We can guess. We can go back and forth with all the reasons to believe there’s something definitely there and then all the reasons to believe there’s not – and oh how we so often do! But when you hear things like “he wants to be friends” and “not looking for a relationship right now” and “busy with work (or projects or insert anything else he tells you here)”, you've got to see pretty clearly that this is not the vocabulary you’d be hearing from someone who’s really interested in you.
At least not in the way we talk about when we talk about two people being on the same page, wanting the same thing with each other and being willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.
That’s what you’re looking for here.
And I’m not hearing that from what you've written here.
Because he’s busy with a project that he has to finish that doesn't include you. Without a call to reschedule your request to “hang out”, you’re clearly on your own where he’s concerned.
Should you still have hopes for something more beyond this friendship you have with him – without any reciprocation – can you really even call it that?
I wouldn't put your beautiful self through that, Sleepless.
We do all kinds of things to ourselves because of our hopes, but when they’re placed on someone who doesn't share them with us, we only set ourselves up to be disappointed. And heartbroken. Not so much because of him, but because of our own expectations.
We do this to ourselves.
Now as for making real plans with someone who can’t give you the courtesy of a follow-up to your original request to hang out, consider what you would say to someone who asked you this same question in the same situation.
He’s not there, is he?
I know it’s confusing when they act like they like you, when they say things like “we should just get married now”, and you have so much fun together.
But the reality is, it’s easy for some people to joke around and have fun with something or someone they have no intention of following through on. It’s one of those assumptions we make where we interpret someone’s words or actions as meaning something entirely different than it does to them. After all, we’re the ones who see so much potential!
But at the end of the day, it’s you who has to do what you can live with, regardless of what he’s choosing to do or not do; there is a reality here that’s hard to deny if you’re open to seeing it for what it is.
He’s giving you as much as he wants to; he’s showing you what works for him. And he’s letting you know by his actions – especially by what he’s not doing – what page he’s on.
That’s the one you want to pay attention to.
Not what it could be. Not what it started off being. Not what it feels like you felt in your own mind. But what it is. A guy who’s not initiating anything with you. Who’s busy. Who’s telling you he wants to be friends. Who wants to “think about it”. Who’s still busy and hasn't contacted you in weeks.
There’s a beautiful woman who deserves so much more than this, Sleepless. Go get her back.
She’s you.
What do you think our beautiful friend "Sleepless in Seattle" should do in this situation? Tell us in the comments!
Hi sleepless
Girl walk away whileyou still can if u keep on pushing this he will end up coming to you and sleep with you before you knew it he will be gone for good expectations kills will end up getting hurt you are busy destroying your own heart here
I'm sorry. You know when someone likes you. He doesn't feel the same
We women have a tendency to expect so much but the reality is different . When a man wants to commit he will. if he doesn't it means he's not ready for it. If he just came out of a relationship he will take maybe a all year before getting into another one. Why not developing that great friendship with him. Friendship is the base of every good marriage. Just have fun together as friends. Eventually he might be ready. In the mean time be busy with your life. Enjoy it! And if the right one comes to you well why not. It doesn't have to be him it has to be the one you will love and loves you also
Sonia
So true, Sonia. Thank you for sharing your own thoughts on this.
It's still early but thank God you know what he's about now. He is what we call an emotionally unavailable man. These types will drive you to drink. The last one I dealt with I fell HARD for. He fooled me.
He did things for me, we were friends, he even told me he loved me, shared really personal things with me, and we've been there for each other through some pretty difficult things. We've actually known each other for a very long time but reconnected and became closer. We even talked about marriage and relationships so much. He told me he liked being in the comfort of a relationships and I ASSumed he was talking about me. Naturally, I was seeing him and he was calling me all the time, we were going out together often and even out of town together. I mean that seemed logical to me.
Then as soon as I brought up what we were doing, he clammed up and told me he wasn't ready. That's after we'd been sleeping together for about 2 months, seeing each other for 5.
Stupid me, continued what we were doing because I couldn't let go. I brought it up again and he was just as adamant about it 7 months in. He told me he still had feelings for his ex girlfriend although he had feelings for me too.
So here I am 9 months later, and he is constantly in and out and he has not changed his mind. I'm an emotional wreck. I've lost about 40 pounds, sleep, and I'm unhappy.
So, before you get too attached, cut it off. I had to learn an extremely painful lesson. It still hurts badly, but I'm working to love me first, move on, and know that when a man says he does not want to be in a relationship, that's really what he means. He may not be mature enough to handle one, but I'd rather him tell me than get in one and cheat or be unhappy because he did not want to disappoint me. But he also should not expect benefits from me if he's not willing to commit.
So the biggest thing I took from this painful experience: LOVE YOU FIRST. Know what genuine interest looks and sounds like. If he's too busy, that means he's unavailable. If he tells you he does not want a relationship. He's unavailable. If he does not lock down a date and time. He's unavailable. If he is not trying to make a real effort to see you. He's unavailable. And if he's unavailable, he's not the man for you. Don't take it personally. It's not about you. There could be a number of reasons why he is acting this way. Sometimes they have insecurities they haven't addressed.
Some men just like to play games, period. They want to see how far they can push you w/o giving you a commitment.
My advice to you would be to set boundaries and know what you will and won't take. Know right off the bat, if you have to ask a question about it, more than likely you know the answer.
Beautifully said from what is obviously your own firsthand experience, Lovingmefirst. Thank you for this. No one is worth losing weight, sleep or happiness over. You've discovered what it all always comes down to; loving you first.
Dear Sleepless in Seattle, I think you need to remember that YOU are the prize and if this man is not giving you what you seek from him then that only means that there is someone better suited to you or that the timing is not right at the moment for this man. Believe me when I tell you...If a guy really wants a relationship with you he will do what ever it takes to make that happen. Don't let this knock the wind out of your sails just keep moving and keep busy. Try not to think about him (I know it's easier said than done) but keep your self esteem in tact and you will come out on top in the end weather you end up with this guy or someone better. Don't lose sleep over him, start taking extra good care of your self, stay positive and enjoy yourself doing things that you love.
Best wishes
Lisa
So true, Lisa. Thank you for adding your own words here. And for this - "Believe me when I tell you...If a guy really wants a relationship with you he will do what ever it takes to make that happen." Exactly!
"sleepless in seattle".....
re: this FRIENDS with benefits and ROMANCE...
this is a VENUS vs MARS issue
also try "manifesting love" the cd program
and: try chanting nam myoho renge kyo...sgi-usa.org
lastly.....if HE isn't COMMITTING just IMAGINE the intangible benefit of
of being MARRIED to someone....."who is MARRIED but LOOKING"....
and also......fyi......having KIDS and a FAMILY with someone who SHOWS their
TRUE colors.....EARLY on vs LATER
"He" is out there and "HE" is seeking "YOU"
anyway...worry not keep on..
saddle up cowgirl keep riding
"we are not afraid to FAIL we are afraid to be BIG"
imagine dream dare to dream
monica
houston
space city-tx
(tx republic)
Beautifully said, Monica. Thank you for your inspiring words to Sleepless in Seattle - and everyone else here as well.
I feel so sorry for this girl. She's me basically. There's really not much I can add here because Jane was thorough in her response. I hope she doesn't let her hopefulness keep her in that waiting thing. I have stayed way too long where I wasn't welcome and it is too painful, not to mention time wasted. The funny thing is that we keep thinking that if we stick around longer, if we're kinder, more loving and attentive, he will change his mind. Nope! On the contrary, the kinder we are, the more attentive we are, the less turned on the guy gets, basically he loses any flimsy interest he may have had. I personally think that I have to learn to be kind but in the right amount and for God's sake I have to really do something about my rescuer complex. I've had sadly the worst holiday days so far because of it. Sadly, sometimes I fear I do not know how else to be or who else to be. It's all up in the air. But I least I know now what doesn't work.
"On the contrary, the kinder we are, the more attentive we are, the less turned on the guy gets, basically he loses any flimsy interest he may have had." - Because he's someone who's not looking for the same thing you are, Angel. It's not that there's anything "wrong" with you and being kinder and more attentive; it's that he pulls away from these behaviors because he's not looking for the type of relationship that has those qualities in it, i.e. something as serious as what you're looking for. And he can't fake it because he knows it! He knows you deserve better, he knows you're wasting your time on him, he knows he can't give you what you're looking for - at least right now, and when you're as kind-hearted and giving as you are, you can't hide it either.
But don't take his reaction to your beautiful qualities personally; it's about him not you. And trust me, down the road, the last thing you want is someone like this, who pulls away the more real you get. With someone who's on your page, he'll adore those qualities about you! And I say "adore" because that's exactly the message I want to convey. I would never have believed it myself if I hadn't seen and experienced that kind or "adoring" firsthand. That's the only way you want to be!
I just went through this sleepless and if you stay in this situation too long you risk your self esteem and not to mention your sense of self worth. WALK AWAY! With your head held high and hope in your heart. My first ever relationship ended (quite brutally) a year and two months ago, but I was still grieving and very vulnerable. Then I met a man boy/peter pan who was very talented at giving mixed signals and I added some fresh wounds to the barely healed ones. Don't fall for that sleepless, you deserve more.
Hehe, the peter pan complex guy. I met one of those and boy, did he turn out to be the biggest lesson I needed to learn. I hear you. I did also think mine gave mixed signals but with hindsight, he was just doing what worked for him and treating me like I allowed him to. Basically he's a guy who wanted better than me and he let me know it with tons of those mixed signals that now I see were not mixed at all. His behavior pretty much said I wasn't good enough for him, but he sugar coated it all with being a "nice" guy. But now I see he just had poor boundaries and I just have such a low sense of self worth if any at all. With all this pain, we need to keep moving. We have no other choice but to pay attention to what we're doing and allowing and taking care of ourselves.
Thank you for adding what you have here, Aria. When you've been there, you understand more than anyone else ever can.
Dear Sleepless: I never believed in love at first site, let alone believe in love all together! One day as was running through the aisles at work, I stopped and saw this man. He said something to me and I briefly answer. He offer me to but coffee the next day and I refused, but after talking to him I accepted that coffee. I found him interesting and fascinating and I wanted to get to know him. I was hesitant at first since every time I have try to start a relationship I always got ignored and rejected, but this time I said, maybe just maybe this time is different even I deserve to be happy for a change and if I don't ask for his number I would never know! I did give him my number and asked him out for a cup of coffee and he accepted. I was out of this wold with joy! Next day he came to see me I was glowing and couldn't believe this beautiful man had say yes and there he was waiting for me! none other than my simple self! I went and met him and as I hug him nothing around me existed time stopped and I kissed him and he kissed me back! My first kiss! was beautiful. We went on a date and he told me how much he wanted me and I just wanted to be with this man forever! He told me, he was separated and he was taking care of his kids and I was so much in fairy tail land that I completely ignored the part when he said he's been separated for 6 months after his wife cheated on him. He told me that he was a broken man and needed to put his life together and not to fall for him! Again I failed to listen and as the days went by I fall deeper in love with him. I went to his home and we spend the night and it was magical. The story doesn't end like the fairy tails though, he never came back to see me, he would live my texts unanswered and I would go days without hearing form him. Cried myself to sleep night after night! What it used to light my face now just fogged my face with deep sadness and the void left in my heart kept growing deeper and deeper! My own self lost and the pieces of my hear still shatter for ever more. And with so much weight in my heart decide to talked to him and went to see him. Four words that would never stop resonating in my ears as he spoke them " So you want more!? I care for you But I don't Love You" I was forever lost in those words and I died that day! The woman that used to laugh and enjoy everything around her was gone replaced by this shadow that did not do justice to who I really once was! later that week I send a break up text that he did not replied to till the next day and requested to see me needed to talk. I went and told him how I felt, how hurt I was! He told me, he never wanted to hurt me and didn't realized the barriers he had lift. That he knew I deserved more than this and wanted to give me more but he couldn't not now! In other circumstances we made the perfect match! so I broke and told him I couldn't leave without him I would wait and be there for him no matter what!
What did I tell you all this you may ask? well, I finally realized that I had make a mistake, if I had listened to what he told me and handle the situation differently I would not put myself in this situation. It was my fault for creating a fantasy and tried to live a fantasy that I created! I wanted it so badly that I disregard his feelings and his needs and got myself hurt in the process! Love is when you don't have to work so hard at it, both of you do! you won't have to reach to him or his hand, he will cause you are important to him so he would do anything to be with you! and you are not afraid of making mistakes cause being with him will make you feel secure and confident about yourself! you won't cry instead you will smile and both of your lives will improve by being with each other. you will fight but forgive each other because loves forgives anything! so truth is we all know the answer of what we must do but keep hoping for the impossible and give so much power to other to hurt ourselves! Love yourself and find yourself! I know is not easy, as I am trying to find what I lost but even then I am wrong! I will stop looking for her she is not lost, she is withing me I just have to accept this which is hard cause he was my first love my first every thing! And no matter what happens this man will always have a Very special place in my heart!!!! since I will always love him unconditionally! Hope this helped
Wow, Iris; thank you so much for sharing your story. I so hear every single word of what you wrote here; your words could have come from any one of us. Be so proud of yourself for being open to discovering the most important part here, that she's not lost, she's within you. This isn't about losing someone who obviously wanted to be lost, it's about finding what's missing in you!
Wow, that was like reading about myself for the last 6 months.
I met this guy and we hit off. He pursued me and I thought that I might have met the right guy. I felt so comfortable around him and we made each other laugh, I couldn't believe it. So I took a breath and let myself start to fall. We spoke everyday, and we saw each other a couple a times but then it seemed he was always busy, too busy. We would still talk everyday and he would make an effort to come see me when I started to show him I was disappointed but I felt like it was damage control. We would only see each other in group settings, not alone anymore. Then I would try to say maybe this isn't the right time, but he didn't want the friendship to end so he would dangle hope it seemed, he said he liked me but had just gotten divorced and needed some time. It went on like this for months. Then when I pressed him for a real answer, he says he wants to just be friends. I was so confused, what guy acts like he likes you and then says just friends and still wants to talk to you every single day. Most guys I know would run for the hills in this type of situation unless they had another motive. I finally decided that my expectations were keeping me in this stagnant position and I started to think, is that what I want? A guy who can't face his emotions and feelings, he liked me but didn't want commitment but he also didn't want to let me go. I want to be with somebody who knows what they want and wants to be with me. That simple. I love myself and I want that person to love me too. 🙂 No regrets, no anger, just fact.
A friend gave me a great quote from Shakespeare, "Expectation is the root of all heartache." It's stayed with me because I kept hoping he would come around. I believed that deep down he liked me and wanted me but was just afraid but we cannot control another or their feelings so I let go. I'm just trying to be right now. There are so many things that I like to do and doing them makes me feel good and keeps me from feeling like I'm missing out on something because I'm not. I liked him, I still like him and maybe one day I will find that feeling with someone who can give back. Hopefully you will too.
Be well, be busy (lol), be you.
Beautifully said, Lisa. Thank you for your words to Sleepless here, and especially this ... "I finally decided that my expectations were keeping me in this stagnant position and I started to think, is that what I want? A guy who can't face his emotions and feelings, he liked me but didn't want commitment but he also didn't want to let me go. I want to be with somebody who knows what they want and wants to be with me. That simple. I love myself and I want that person to love me too. 🙂 No regrets, no anger, just fact." - Beautiful!
He don't want you.is time to keep looking sometimes we want to say how we feel but sometimes thats not the rite thing to do u will find ur king
And so will you!
she should move on ,im in the same situation as her.even though we adore them doesnt mean they feels or want the same thing as we do .im in love with thios guy ,i have this strong desire to wanna be with him .it almost had me to believe he was my soulmate cause im 43 and ive never had these feeling nor desires to be with a man like i have with him ive been hurting , pleading and everything eles all ive gotten is hurt and disappointment ,run please
It's because you're not meant to hurt, Connie, nor are you meant to plead with someone to give you what you want from him. Love isn't like that. When you're with someone who's on the same page as you, who wants what you want with you and is willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen, it won't hurt and you won't be disappointed. It's how you can tell the difference between the two.
Am I going to have the desire to "hunt" for a relationship ever again if I always bumped into a "wrong" man. I often "cool" off after a bad experience (disappointment) ...and now started to consider the "hunting field" a place I would not want to wander about again. Jane, how can I take that "bitterness" feeling away and look for love again???
Start with not taking this bad experience and the ensuing disappointment personally, Angela. I know just how hard that is to do, but it's never about what we think it is. If all you're finding are the ones who aren't on the same page as you, let them go. There's someone else still to come who will be on your same page, and you will know because it won't feel like this. It will be easy.
Look for someone who's looking for the same thing as you. Notice the qualities someone has that have to do with things like kindness, respect, gentle, caring, compassionate. Imagine you're picking out someone for your daughter even if you don't have one. Look for someone like that. And more importantly, get in touch with the beautiful woman within you who deserves to be loved by someone who is capable of loving her like this.
What makes her happy? What kind of a life can you create for her that has nothing to do with finding a man, that allows him to find her? What is she passionate about? What does she want? What is she looking for underneath all the programming of what she's been told she "should" be looking for? These are the starting places that make all the difference in the world!
Your blog is so helpful...for both genders. Sometimes the "fun" types behave like they do as a way of protecting themselves from making any "real" commitment. They are so charming and entertaining but I've learned it is important to "step back" and pay attention to what is said and not said. He is trying to have it "both ways"....he gets your time and attention but he doesn't have to make any personal investment. It can be very confusing for people like you. I've been there. Keep coming back to this site!
Thank you for your kind words, Liam. It sounds like you're seeing this all so much more clearly for yourself.
He said where stood, she said where she stood. He wants to be friends, she wants more than friendship. So this here says not on the same page. If I want to go to Paris and you have plans for Vegas, it's only fair that I find someone already going or wouldn't mind going to Paris. You can't make the person going to Vegas change plans to accommodate you. Don't sweat him Sleepless, it's not the end of the world. Just find someone who cares to go to your destination.
Love the analogy, Dazz. It's so true.
Jane: Your response to Sleepless in Seattle is so true. I have decided we will just be friends and I am taking me back. He came to my house for Christmas Dinner and worked on my house. I am taking his friendship as he wants to give and what he don't know won't hurt him.... 😉
"... and I am taking me back". You go girl. There isn't anything you can't do when you "take me back"!
While reading this letter the first instinct I got was that she revealed her feelings way too soon. They were only hanging out and having fun and just started to go out together without others around. I feel like she spooked the guy. If he just got out of a relationship and was hurt he probably was enjoying taking it slow and getting to know the girl as a friend first.
Not all men want to jump into a relationship quickly after breaking up.
Take a step back and find other men to date and he may come back in and be interested when she is not so available. Definitely don't contact him.
Thanks for adding your thoughts here, Gab. It's hearing your outside perspectives that add so much to the ones going through it.
You give such good advice. So ill just tell what works for me. Its very rare that I ask how someone feels . I totally go by action. If a guy is calling hes interested . If he isnt calling he's not . If your out Saturday nights hes real interested . Keep yourself busy learn something new be adventurous have fun on your own . Then naturally someone will want to join you.
Beautifully said, Missy - and so true. Thank you.
I think he might be just playing with you keeping his options open. He may have somebody else and when it doesn't work out he might come back to you. It sucks and it hurts but it's not worth it. You just have to let go and think of yourself. It will get better and you'll find someone who will not make excuses when you want to see them and be with them they'll make an effort to be a part of your life.
Exactly what we all deserve, Kathy. No excuses, lots of effort. It's how you know.
I think you need to move on and find a new guy who is ready for a relationship. It's not worth it to just sit around and wait to see if he changes his mind.
So true, Alysha. No matter how much it seems like it, it never is. But we have to come to that in our own way, in our time, and on our own.
I will admit that it hurts when someone says they don't want a relationship, but you have to just accept it. It's like that old saying goes: You can bring a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
Exactly, Alysha. It's in the acceptance of "what is" not what we want it to be, that we find our peace.
It is amazing how much I have learned from this blog and other blogs that I have found on my journey. I don't know about the other readers, but when I was growing up I was told these what I like to call wise tales now. It started from women in my family and women in my friends family that gave advice on men. For example, if a man smiles at you for a long time he really likes, if he calls every day or texts he is really is into, if you do ask if he is interested and he tells you he is not ready yet that's okay he didn't say no. and if he is still around well he would not be if he did not want you. It is so hard to decipher these things because you always believe that it meant something, but now I learned that these things mean that someone is on a different page their not interested in you or they want someone to pass time with. It is hard to realize the truth, but it is refreshing at the same time. I guess as you really started to learn about yourself and focus on yourself it will make it more easier to make better decisions in your relationships
Oh those many "wise tales" or whatever we call them. It's the subconscious programming that we talk about so much on here. It isso hard to decipher these things because we've been believing them for so long and they come from the people who love and care about us so how can they be wrong? It's why we have to learn to discover our own truths, without the messages, the media, the stories that became our own simply because we were there, listening, taking it all in, trusting whoever "they" were, somehow knew better than us.
You're so not alone, Sophia! Thanks for pointing this out, drawing our attention back to this really important part of learning to discern what to keep and what to throw off forever. It is a paradox - hard but refreshing at the same time.
And every single time you discover the truth for yourself, it will become more liberating, more freeing, more clear. And, yes, as you say, so much easier to make better decisions in your relationships. It's how the indecision goes away, when you realize there is a choice - your own- in the first place, and that you really do know your own answers. (Deep breath) 🙂 Be so proud of yourself for how much more clearly you're seeing this for yourself!
"Sifting though the perceptions and empty promises and insincere words of caring can cloud what is real. You present a way through the noise to see the reality. Reality makes it possible to understand and answer the difficult questions we ask ourselves. The "what happened" can be what is most difficult to deal with...at least until it no longer matters."
"But at the end of the day, it's you who has to do what you an live with, regardless of what he is choosing to do or not to do; there is a reality here thats hard to deny if you are open to seeing it for what it is."
Words to live by.
Until a commitment is made between two people, they are both free to see other people. One should be able to live with that.?
If not, then you haven't cut off any potential others. If I've learned nothing else about "dating" it's do not stop looking if an established commitment hasn't been made. Leave your options open. Ive seeen potentials slip through because I thought someone was the one and I became exclusive but he didn't. I do what feels good for me not how I perceive others might feel. If he wants you all to himself to share a life with than he will make it clear.
oh the assumptions we make, Jennifer. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here, especially this - " If I've learned nothing else about "dating" it's do not stop looking if an established commitment hasn't been made. Leave your options open." How I can relate to this! It took me oh so long to finally understand this part. There is so much freedom in realizing that nothing holds you down like being on two different pages while automatically assuming you're on the same!
I'm a very sensitive open person. If I have strong feelings I'm gonna share them. Usually (since I am still technically single) a knee jerk reaction from the man is to pull back and kinda go silent, sometimes disappear completely (as in the past).
Im not afraid to show my true feelings, if I wait to long it could be time wasted. There are always options no matter how strong my feelings could be for someone. But if they aren't committing to me then I am still available. If I'm nobody's girlfriend then I am free to date.
I choose to go out and enjoy life. Ive had past men contact me again, even meet up occasionally. Obviously the right one hasn't come along. Because according to all the happy loving couples I see, you know when you are With someone or just dating, seeing, hanging out, whatever _________ insert term here.
But until the day where you are on the same page make sure to have fun and enjoy life.
When my current guy calls, I let him know when I am available, otherwise I am out living My life.
Absolutely, Jennifer. Don't ever change that! There's always that part of us that knows, no matter how much we think we don't, if we're open to seeing what we don't always want to see for ourselves.
I say play it cool. If you see him or don't see him no big deal. Don't give him more attention then he deserves.
Thanks for adding this, London. More than anything else, it's always about what each of us can live with in our own present set of circumstances.
I have learned that it's very important to look at what a person is not doing and even more importantly to listen to what they are "NOT" saying, that's where you'll find the truth.
So true, LaDonna. Thank you for pointing this out. That's exactly where the truth is found!
Leave him be and find someone who can't wait to claim you.
Yes, Jackie. "Can't wait to claim you" - that's the kind of passion you want to see!
True
Thanks Jane for the comments on "being on the same page" and how people can leave that page for another page, leaving one to wonder where they stand and what happened.
Sifting though the perceptions and empty promises and insincere words of caring can cloud what is real. You present a way through the noise to see the reality. Reality makes it possible to understand and answer the difficult questions we ask ourselves. The "what happened" can be what is most difficult to deal with...at least until it no longer matters.
What do I think she should do? Perhaps fill her life with her activities to put him in the situation that he has to consider and act on that decision. And consider what that act must be before she moves forward with him. If only I was so good at my own advice, lol, I would already be over her.
So true, Wayne. And you're not alone. Following our own advice for ourselves is the most difficult part!
She should run fast as she can away from this player and allow herself to find a man that truly wants to spend his time with her
Thank you, Carol. Sounds like you've been there, too!