At one point or another in our dating lives, we've all asked ourselves the all too common question, Why hasn't he called?
And we've all heard the simple (and mostly true) answer:
If he’s interested, he’ll call. If he doesn't, he’s not. End of story.
Hundreds of books have been written around this answer, not to mention the numerous articles and videos all saying the same thing. You’ll always know by that call. And you’ll always know by the lack of one.
But it's not really the end of the story. At least not for you.
The truth is that there’s so much more to it. You want to know the whole story. You want to know why he didn't call you (or at least text you) when he said he was going to and gave you every reason to believe he would.
You want to know why he didn't call when he asked for your number and told you he’d call you to set something up. How could he have come on so strong and then nothing, you wonder? Could he have changed his mind about you just that fast? Was it something you said, or did, or didn't do?
It doesn't make sense when you look at it from where you stand, when you know that if you were him and asked for your number in the first place, you’d follow up with a call or a text or some means of communication to follow through.
You can’t even imagine ever leaving someone hanging like this.
The reality is, it’s not just about why he didn't call. And it’s also not just about you not understanding and wanting some explanation from him so that you can move on and get on with your life.
It’s about the thoughts that underlie that line of questioning.
What’s wrong with me? is the most common, and also the most damaging. Was I too (fill in the blank)? Was I not (fill in the blank) enough? And then we start with the all too familiar beating ourselves up pattern that begins as soon as the reality hits us that he’s not going to call, that it's happened again, and you find yourself questioning whether you’re ever going to find someone to love you for who you are, to appreciate all those qualities that you’re beginning to question in yourself.
You resign yourself to yet another rejection where you allowed yourself to get your hopes up that he just might be the one, after so many disappointments time and time again.
It’s why that simple answer is just never enough.
It’s why there’s got to be something here to salvage, why there’s got to be more to the story than just that he hasn't called or texted you. Because it’s about so much more than just that.
It’s about you.
There’s only one way to change this. There’s only one way to detach yourself from whether or not he calls or doesn't call, whether or not he texts or doesn't text. To realize that none of this is personal. To realize instead that if someone isn't on the same page as you, if they’re not looking for the same thing as you are in relationship, if they’re not looking for you, you really truly honestly don’t want them to be calling or texting you.
I know you want a chance to decide this for yourself. I know you want to be the one who makes this decision for yourself. I know you want to come to this on your own once you've had a chance to explore the potential of this person you've just met and couldn't possibly know well enough to make a decision about in such a short time with so little information.
I know it all because I remember thinking exactly along these same lines too. It’s always different when it’s you. You’re always the exception to the rule when you’re the one this is about. But there’s something beautiful in here in this for you.
There’s a reason.
It’s a reason that has nothing to do with what you can possibly know right now. It’s a reason that really does have your back. It’s because you can’t fake who you are or what you’re about and honestly, you never want to. If you could look far ahead into your life, you would see that this moment that seems to matter so much to you, with this text or call holding so much weight for you, isn't what it appears to be.
It’s the Universe having your back. It’s God or Fate - or whatever you want to call it – looking out for you and knowing what’s best for you even though you can’t see it for yourself from where you stand in this moment. It doesn't change the reality that this is exactly why these things happen.
And why they don’t.
You don’t need any more wasted time and energy on someone who’s not right for you. You don’t need to go through anymore heartbreak of falling for someone who isn't going to be there for the long run that you want someone to be there for.
It’s not good or bad. It just is. It’s what’s right for the both of you. It’s two people not on the same page who for whatever reason that has nothing to do with how worthy you are or how lovable you are or how beautiful or amazing you are. You’re all that already. This isn't about any of that.
And this is why it doesn't matter what you want to do when he doesn't call or text. It’s why it doesn't matter if you need to call him or text him just to find out why. You already have the simple answer that everyone and their brother can tell you; but it’s the answer that satisfies you that you really want.
It’s what will bring you your sense of peace and calm that matters. It’s what allows you to release both him and the outcome you were hoping for. It's what allows you to be truly free.
Whatever you need to do to bring you to that, whether you need to pursue him to feel that rejection -that never is - that takes you to the same place you started out from with your self-esteem and self-confidence feeling the effects, that’s what this is about. Some of us need to learn these things in our own way and our own time before we can move on to see what we couldn't see before.
Don’t let anyone judge you. Do what you need to do for you.
Have you been here? Does this resonate with you more than you'd like to admit? You're not alone! Share as little or as much as you'd like in the comments and see for yourself how true this is. I always love hearing from you.
james says
Recently, i was seeing a guy who told from the beginning that he doesn't think he can be in a relationship. However, he seemed so interested and it seemed to go in the right direction. I thought if i provided him with time and space then he would come around. However, he turned around to me the other day and said he just wanted to be friends that that meant no more staying over. I appreciate how honest he's been and i know he can't control how he feels. But at the same time i'm so disappointed. And i can't stop thinking about it. And i don't feel like being friends would be fair on me. Thank you for this article, i know it's not strictly what my issue is about but it resonated with me 🙂
Jane says
So glad this resonated with you, James. We always think we can change what someone tells us by simply being enough of what they're looking for, but it never works that way. Listen to what someone says, believe him. If he says "he doesn't think he can be in a relationship", there's a reason he's telling you this. Whether or not he can or can't be, isn't for you to take on. Walk as far away as you can from someone like this - to someone who's already on your page!
Sarah says
I have known the man in question for a while now because we met at a club. Recently we met for coffee twice in a week. The first time he said goodbye he kissed me on each cheek. On the second meeting when we parted he asked me if I would like a kiss on the cheek or the lips. I approached him and we kissed for a few seconds on the lips, with our heads facing forwards, he held me very tightly also.
We have met since at our club, he didn't mention when we would meet up again. So I feel rather confused as to how the kiss was meant, and I haven't heard from him for 3 days now. He is also a very shy person.
Becky says
I spent the last 3 years with a hot/cold guy who will never commit to anyone with boundaries. I don't regret it at all, because I learned so much about myself, faced fears of betrayal and I'm coming out a much wiser and stronger person without any major life damage. I feel fabulous, free, and ready to live my life without anymore codependency. There are a lot of narcissistic men and this one is borderline, and had I not experienced it, I wouldn't know about it to avoid theses types in the future. I look forward now to one day finding real love.
Sheila says
This just happened to me this week... and everything you stated..my mind was there. the what did I do wrong? the why? and why not? except my friend doesn't know if I am his soulmate or just best friend. and for now he wants to remain best friends and nothing more. However, I am past the best friend stage. I see so much more and feel more than I should now. I have cried for about 2 weeks since he had this little discussion with me. and Yes, he told me it wasn't about me. It was about him. although, I felt that it was and still is about me. so he asked me if I could remain best friends for now until he figured out what or where he was in this friendship. He even told me I am the most amazing person that he has ever known and that our times together have been the best ever. He just doesn't want to lose me as a best friend. So, I chose to hang around a little while longer and be best friends. Still eating dinner together. Exercising. Making plans and traveling together just as best friends can. But my heart wants the affectionate side and the love too. and yet my heart wants so much more. and you are right..it is what it is. You can't force someone to love you. and I really don't know how long to wait. or should I just move on. I surely don't want to waste time. Nor do I want to move forward and maybe miss something amazing. So, I am really confused. I didn't even ask to start this friendship 9 months ago. He found me and it was just like...wow..we have known each other for ever from day one. and then I wonder, how do I even begin to look for someone special again.
(please excuse the grammar errors). Thanks so much for your words Jane. I really needed this today.
Angel says
Dear Sheila,
I completely understand the situation because I have gone through that. The question is: can you honestly be friends with someone you feel so much for? I couldn't. I tried to hang around and it ended up hurting me so much more than if I had walked away the minute he said he didn't want me. It is extremely painful to be around someone who can't give you what you want from them. It feels cold, painful. What if he told you he's seeing someone because well... Best friends tell each other everything, right? How would you feel? Could you take it?
Please think about yourself. Don't ignore your own feelings just to give him what he wants. What about you?
I am still not over the pain that caused me. It is absolute misery. Some days I feel like I am dying. The sad thing is that even though he's a good person, he has no regard for my feelings. He has no empathy. That is just who he is and I have to accept my responsibility for my heartbreak. If I had known it was going to hurt like this, I would have said goodbye the minute he said he wasn't interested. Normally I don't regret anything, but right now I am regreting not having walked away. My self esteem went down the drain.
Please think of yourself. Always. Big hug.
Kim says
Thank you for your perspective Jane.
Looking back at past relationships and patterns in my life, I realized I wasted a lot of time wondering "why." I've come to realize it doesn't matter.
Through it, I've learned to surrender and release - and I'm now in a much healthier and peaceful place in my life!
Jo says
This is great! I had to let go the love of my life. Because he wasn't on the same page us I was. Still heart broken after 11 months but every day it's better. I accept that I can't change his feelings for me or be ready for something real. It's what it is.
Cindy Rollings says
Yes, jane tgis is how it is. I do not know why i can't let go and i know he is not on the same page,maybe I'm crazy. I need to let go and move on, I'm lost.
Maris says
Oh how this article just gave me a laugh.
I just had a moment today, and been through emotions like crazy. I even had again jelouse
Thought towards people who already have a boyfriend.
Bur I was so calm today when I saw a couple fighting and screaming.
I was so tired of my thoughts, that it gave me a mini panic attack. I even cried like
A baby " o why am I so desperado" .. My ex has a girlfriend and i don't..
I prayed a lot and was feeling like this for two days. But then I was like again crying last night.
And I laughed at the same time.
What in the world am I crying for. I survived a war, been a refugee, lived poor and still working
My ass off to pay the rent and buy food. I work out and have healthy habits.
I am meeting new people and making friends. I am not harming people or being abusive.
Oh right I have not yet met my future boyfriend. And I cried about it for two days again.
Why?
I am believing that if I meet him , everything will be fine and daZzeling!
Everything will just be fine.
This said, I guess my old programming is trying to kick in.
I am on a path and I am starting to believe that I indeed can make it
On my own. That it is not responsibility of a man to make me happy or
Fill my empty holes. I can and have to make myself happy.
I do not need social media (facebook or a txt from "him") to make me feel
Happy and calm. How do I know? Well he is not texting or calling!
Its the truth.
I hope I will stay strong and grow to not be with the old programming..
You Jane just inspired me to go on and believe in myself.
Bless you!
Theresa says
This article was right on time. I am living my life at a very different space spiritually. I can count on my fingers and toes the amount of conversations and communications I have built with men that seem so promising only to have them disappear. Recently one guy and I talked on the phone for 3 hours. He said he wanted to find out if I could be a match for him. He liked my Facebook page. Gave me tons of compliments about my artistic ability and seemed so interested. He even asked me to sing him a song. He said he would call the next day and it has been a week now with no word. And I have to learn that it is ok. That God is indeed protecting me from what I can't see even though my emotions are screaming with hurt and the perceived rejection. All the things you said above, I ask myself. Why not me? Aren't I good enough. Beautiful enough? Talented enough? Worthy enough? And the answer is that I am. Just not for him in this season. But at some point and in a season soon, for someone, I will be enough. He will accept me for me and not disappear. Thank you for your blog and much needed insightful encouragement. Theresa
Tarn says
Jane
Where do I begin. I have been with a man for far too long. We haven't been on the same page for years. If I think back there were many red flags which I chose to ignore. I thought he was the one. I wanted to be in a loving and caring relationship. I wanted to get married and I wanted to be treated like a queen. None of these came to reality. I have been in a horrific ugly relationship for too long. I am belittled and constantly ridiculed in public and in private. I feel drained and depressed. I know he is not the one for me. I have told him how I feel. He just doesn't care. I feel like a fool. He won't leave, he hates my family my son my workmates infact he thinks I am a fat c... and ... I am a mature women and I am being disrespected most days. I have my own room now. It is sad and lonely being with someone you know is no good for your wellbeing. We have not been intimate fot years. I lack energy and my self esteem and confidence is low. My son refuses to come over now. I have no friends here I feel a failure. Please help I am desperate to leave this man. I wonder why I have stayed for soo long. I was a vibrant outgoing beautiful women when I met him now I'm just hoping he'll just go and leave me in peace. Sorry for going on and on. I just feel sad and depressed these days. If you have any advice for me I would appreciate it greatly
Much aroha
Angel says
Beautiful Tarn.
I am so sorry that happened to you. Please know you are beautiful and wonderful and you deserve all the love in the world. You can do this. You can get out of that hell. Please know that even if I don't know you, I am absolutely sure you can do this. Get up and stand up for yourself. Don't allow this any longer. Much much love to you. May the universe bless you every day.
Jane says
You're not a fool, Tarn; and you're not a failure! I so feel for where you are right now. I could have said so many of your words in a time not too long ago. It's what happens when we stay too long with someone who isn't on the same page as us and isn't looking for what we want - and deserve! And yet because we have so bought into the programming that we can make someone come around if we are only enough of a woman, we believe that somehow, someway, if we keep trying, keep waiting, keep showing him all that we are and all that we have to offer, he will eventually come around. Until it's all we know. Until he's all we know. And slowly, but surely, our self-esteem and self-confidence dips to an all-time low as we realize we can't make anyone love us or wants us or choose us - and ultimately, we don't really want to have to make anyone do anything they don't want to do on their own!
Focus on finding it in you, Tarn. Whatever he can't or can't give you, it really isn't about him as much as it's about you. Discover that little girl again deep down inside you who knows what she's worth, who knows what she doesn't deserve, and focus on her. Give her back the life she deserves to live. Give her what she needs to find her wings and let her fly like she's never done before. There's a whole world just waiting for you to discover, but we can never see it until we take that first step and let go of what's keeping us from seeing that world for ourselves.
Yes, it's scary. I can't tell you how much I know that feeling of fear of the unknown versus the the familiar of what you have, the known! But it's how you do this, it's how you get through to that beautiful other side. And the only one who can do that for you is you. You are so much more powerful than you can see for yourself right now, Tarn. It's time to take back your power and create the life for yourself that you deserve to live!
MAKWENA says
big thank you
u know i have been in that situation so many times,asking myself what did i do wrong?am i ot good enough for them?etc woow so now i gues there is nothing like like that.maybe we were not on the same.so ia m satisfied,you really helped me a lot,thank you thank you and thank you
Love
Makwena
Jane says
You're welcome, Makwena. And know that you're so not alone here. It's the first - and only place! - most of us go!
Donna says
Thanks Jane,
Yes I've been there, over and over and over and everytime, I thought I wasn't good enough, and how can I be good enough...Worrying that I must be weird because other women seem to get attention from men easily and all the time, so I tried to be like them and it didn't work, because I wasn't being true to myself, but still I repeated this pattern on and on and, then, I found your wonderful site Jane and the wonderful people who share their stories on it and slowly I've learned : It's not about me "trying" to be good enough for any man, it's more about me being good for MYSELF. It's also not about trying to figure out what a guy is thinking, it's more about what I'm thinking and as you said Jane, "it just is". I couldn't ever accept or understand those 3 words until very recently and it feels like a lightbulb moment in my head, you know that "I get it now" moment? Some of us get to the realisation quicker than others and some of us (me) get it slower and that's ok, the point is, I'm there 🙂 I don't need to know why, about any guy, because someone far better is in the wings waiting for me and I'm now experiencing attention from men of all ages and all I'm doing is being me and having fun flirting and keeping it lighthearted and it feels amazing!!! So simple and so lovely! My self esteem is becoming higher just knowing I'm fantastic, gorgeous and wonderful right here, right now 😉
Love
Donna xxx
Angel says
Oh Donna that is so wonderful!!! That sounds so great!! I do understand that, somehow I still feel a little weak as to flirting or getting attention. Some days I like myself, some days I fall into the old pattern. It is so great to know it is possible to come out the other side of the tunnel. May I ask how you did it? I still seem to need some help. Big hug
Jane says
It's so huge that you're discovering this for yourself, Donna. You are absolutely all that, but when you see it for yourself like this, it's more powerful than if it came from any other source. "It's not about me "trying" to be good enough for any man, it's more about me being good for MYSELF." - Exactly! 🙂
Veronica says
I just learned to let go. Honestly, if he can't bother to call, it makes me lose attraction for him, because to me, the guy should be a go-getter. If he had the guts to ask me out for coffee, and then never contacted me again, well, it's his loss. That happened to me recently, a guy said he got my number from a friend and he heard about me and so he left me voicemails trying to figure out a good time to meet. Finally we talked on the phone and set up a time for both of us. Coffee was great, but then I never heard from him again, and here I was thinking he's into me and this is a good start. Oh well. I believe there is a saying, you could be the sweetest ripest peach, and there will still be someone who doesn't like peaches.
Jane and anyone else reading, I was wondering, what are your thoughts on a guy who pursued a girl for about 2 months, and then disappeared, only to reappear maybe once a month to say how's it going? What's the deal with these guys? Are they just trying to make sure the girl is still available to him? I don't pay any attention anymore because it's clear to me that he's not serious, but is there any way to at least make that interaction worthwhile? It hasn't been worthwhile, so I only respond to him if he has a legitimate question. I never reach out to him first, because I have too much pride when it comes to these things, maybe to my detriment. I always think to myself, well if he only remembers me once a month, then he doesn't really deserve my time or attention.
Angel says
There's nothing worthwhile about a guy who disappears and then plays the "how's it going" message every once in a blue moon. Some men are simply so wishy washy that it is not even worth it to let them in or respond to them whatsoever. Chuck him. Don't even reply anymore. Don't give him the satisfaction of thinking you are available for someone like that. It doesn't matter what his problem is. It has nothing to do with you. What matters is how you feel. If you don't like it or feel good about it, there's your red flag. Act on it.
Jane says
"If you don't like it or feel good about it, there's your red flag. Act on it." - So true, Angel. And it's the one we forget to pay the most attention to!
Jane says
It sounds like you're being smart about this, Veronica. You don't want to be attracted to someone who can't bother to call!! Usually when a guy behaves like this - the on again, off again type - it's because he wants to keep his options open, isn't sure what he wants, but wants to keep you at some kind of arms length "just in case" he gets there or eventually figures out what he wants. Usually he knows you're someone he would want to be with if he's ready for the same relationship you are, but he's just not ready - or comfortable - with more. And of course, he usually doesn't know why and isn't too concerned about figuring this out - yet. But he thinks someday, he might be. Of course everyone is different, but that's the most typical reason "why" to answer your question. 🙂
Sheryl says
I struggle with this topic. Many men are more insecure thnt we realize and do need a subtle sign when we are truly interested. I don't think they want to be "shot down" anymore than we do but it does seem that after a couple of efforts of interest not returned then LET IT GO! God always has a better plan for you than your plan!
RealDavis says
Exactly Sheryl "God always has a better plan for you than your plan"!! BRAVO!!
Jane says
Exactly, Sheryl - and you're not alone in this struggle. We're all little boys and girls deep down inside but if you're not getting back as much as you're giving out - especially in the beginning - than you have to do what you need to do for you!
RealDavis says
I was in this place 6 months ago....I transformed my thoughts, I had to stop thinking of the other person and start thinking about me. I had to tell myself I am the most important person in this relationship and if they do not want to be a part of my world, then as my grandmother have said "the door hit them where the good Lord slit them". LOL!!! It does not happen overnight. One you you will wake up and later in the you will say....I did not think about who anymore, you will be so focused on YOU that the other person has faded out!! That is when they will start calling and wanting to be around you again. But you will be so focused and strong by then....they will chase YOU!!
Jane says
It's always about our thoughts, RealDavis; thank you for sharing. How we think about something - and even the realization that we are in control of our thoughts in the first place - is how we change our mindset, and begin to change our lives.
Sheila says
To Real Davis,
I want so much to get to this point and become the person focused on me and not dwelling on the other person. I am so very proud of you!
nina says
We tend to think that love is all about passion and destiny, and perhapse it is, at the beginning stage. But a true lasting live is much more about effort and discipline. So if you've been with the guy for a while and then he suddenly has no discipline to make an effort to call, you need to teach him some. Subtly and gently though, but do not simply give up on him ( unless he Is all wrong).
Jane says
So true, Nina; we always teach someone how to treat us by the way we allow ourselves to be treated.
Angel says
To me it is not just the calling. I am in a country where guys don't seem to do the calling so much as asking you out or texting. But it is in the end the same: if he doesn't get in touch with you, he isn't interested. Sometimes however it is very tricky, because they keep in touch with you even if you don't expect it, they seem very interested then when you show them you are interested, they play the "I just wanna be friends, but we xan cuddle and stuff if you want" card. At least for me, it has happened far too many times to count. At this point, I am still so hurt from the last experience, I don't even think I can meet anyone right now. It is all about getting back up and withdrawing the minute the red flag appears. He called? You call back. One call comes, one call goes. One-one. Not three, not four. Rule number 1234568999: don't give more than you get if your feelings are on the line.
Jane says
You've summarized this process of knowing you're both on the same page so eloquently, Angel - "He called? You call back. One call comes, one call goes. One-one. Not three, not four. Rule number 1234568999: don't give more than you get if your feelings are on the line." - Exactly!!
rita says
I have been thru this type of relationship and it made me question every little thing about myself and it took me a long time to heal. When I finally found someone I couldn't believe that finally I was going to be happy but 8 months on and off agin he disappeared for 7 months with no contact but I thank god because that gave me the opportunity to work on myself and I can honestly say that at first it was hard but finding that I could love myself made all the hurt and second guessing myself didn't even matter anymore but just loving myself did and I feel great.
RealDavis says
BRAVO RITA!!!
Jane says
"... but finding that I could love myself made all the hurt and second guessing myself didn't even matter anymore" Exactly, Rita! This is how everything begins to change!
hadiza says
I have had several relationships where the guy won't call or text.My relationship s have always ended that way.Looking back now,am happy I never ended with any of those men.Am 32 and single and for the first time in my life,I feel happy and satisfied with myself.Learn other ways of making yourself happy.Men will come running after you.
Jane says
Love hearing how you've discovered this for yourself, Hadiza. Thanks so much for sharing - and inspiring us all!
Nina says
In some cases the lack of a call is good enough as an answer. Not interested, end of story, next. However if we always give up that easily we will all just be moving from guy to guy to guy and never have a lasting relationship. The truth is that all men experience uncertainty at some point in the relationship. A lot of times uncertainty kicks in exactly when things are going well and he is almost ready to move things to the next level. But then that next level could be a tough emotional choice for him, so he procrastinates by making you wait. The time stops. Then a couple of weeks later or in a couple of months he réalisés it is already too late. Or perhapse he shows up a couple of monthslater when you already hate just hate him or have already moved on.
There is nothing wrong in making a little discoplining push when your man needs one. Sure, do not pursue him too much. Do not start calling every day or leaving a string of confusing, angry, pleading or mentoring messages. But if making one little call every once in a while is what it takes to push him through that uncertainty or confusion stage by all means make it. If you simply do nothing it just tells him you do not care and helps him to move on, but if it is somebody you really like or somebody you've being really close to then by all means give him that extra push to declare he's yours and if that does not work, well, back off. If he really is yours, he'll follow.
Jane says
Thank you for offering your thoughts here, Nina; you always have to do what works for you, what gives you the greatest sense of peace, and leaves you with the least amount of regrets. What that looks like will be different for everyone, but it's what you can live with that matters so that you know you did whatever you needed to do to know!
"If he really is yours, he'll follow." - exactly!
K says
Thanks so much Nina for the info.
This is all so hard to deal with. I really need to let go of the hope of something still happening. I know I will be happier if I can just let go and accept it, but its hard to let go of hope.
Pia says
I have been there so many times however admittedly I have also done it the other way round... Why is it always the ones you don't really want to hear from that you hear from?
Jane says
That's when you have to look at what you're really looking for, Pia, and what you're not. If this is what's happening - and it's an all too common phenomenon for so many of us! - there's always a reason that has everything to do with us and what we think is "our type".
Jackie Morrison says
Actions speak louder than words. Although I do believe that there are reasons people are silent when they don't want to be. It doesn't hurt to reach out first once or twice, but after that, let it and them go. They aren't making an effort and therefore, don't deserve it anymore.
Jane says
So true, Jackie. Thank you.
Courtney says
With the last guy this time last year I was so shy to give him a txt n he said "don't be shy to txt or msg me, I'll answer as soon as I can" so last oct I overcome my shyness n was on the page where u get to know them beta n he would txt me when he would talk to me on fb on a certain day/time. Example "I talk to u on fb Friday at 9:00pm" so he txt'd 1st n last October the 2 of us wanted to meet n he would txt me on the day saying he had to work n that he was sorry n talk to u tonight etc n never got to see him coz I had to put up his excuses, so last November I kept texting him the same thing everyday & give him 3-4 different txts everyday to get attention n he did say on fb " I don't have time to make a tinpme to talk on fb so I'll text u when we can talk next" n my 3 txts everyday was how was your day, how was work, when r we gonna talk on fb next, a few fri he never came online said he was out or forgot about it n he made time to txt me Saturday morning n it was like a messenger way. So i had a bad day 18/11/13 n asked him to come for drink at the cafe n he said it's too hot n leave it for another way n said sorry. In dec I gave Xmas txt n he said merry Xmas to u, n my friends said to me he's not talking to u again n didn't believe them. So 1 said he blocked my number n I wanted to know directly from n he deleted me off fb nye n when he did it I gave him txt saying why did u delete me n never replied 🙁 n wanted to know, so on 4th fe he gave me msg telling me the truth he blocked my number etc. so this eyes I left him alone n haven't deleted his number just I case he txts me n unblocks my number. So I hope I talk to him more next year n still waiting for a miracle to happen
Jane says
Thank you for sharing your story, Courtney. Remember that you only want to be with someone who wants to be with you. Don't ever forget that! I know we want to hang onto the hope of those miracles, but don't let that hope keep you from living your own life and being open to someone who's on the same page as you who wants to be with you! You deserve nothing less!
Angie says
I just met this guy, and it’s been only a month. For the first two weeks he seems like everything I ever wanted in a guy. We just met on his visit to where I stay so, literally this is going to be a distance relationship. We spent almost everyday together before he left. We had an amazing time together. I fell in love with him so fast but didn’t tell... and then he finally admitted first “I love you “ He said he wanted to get to know me as much as I wanted to get to know him. Before he flew off he said “FAITHFULNESS means a lot to me” and I replied saying feelings are mutual. He promised to come back in two weeks and he’s now back. What I don’t understand is that we barley talked when he first left. He barely text or call so, I did the same and honestly it bothered me. I’d only text or call when he does. He complained once about me not checking on him if he didn’t... He studies at the Harvard university, and his excuses were he’s busy with school and has been getting stuff in place since he’s been away for a month and was gonna be back with me soon. I made an attempt to talk about his busyness but all he said the whole time “I love you Angie, I love you very much” He always says that.
Now he’s back, and I’m thinking if I can deal with this for the next time when he leaves. I’m also thinking if I should be patient and get to know him better before making any unconscious decision.
I need your kind advice, Jane