For those of you who regularly read this blog, you've heard me ask this question time and time again.
Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?
But instead of answering this question directly for yourself by digging deeper to get to the root of the problem, you do the easier thing.
You find something – anything – that sounds like it makes your story different. That makes you the exception. That makes it different this time with this particular guy.
And I know why you do it. You do it for the same reason that I did it, and so many others do it too.
You really want to believe it's different. You don't want to let go.
But he does want to be with me, you say, because he says he still wants to be with me, he responds to my texts, he’s still here. He says he loves me, he just can’t give me what I’m looking for right now, but I know he'll come around.
And so, you stay.
And so, you wait.
Because you believe he’s the one. Because you believe he’s the last one. Because you believe you can’t live without him.
Can you see what’s really going on here? This isn't about him. This isn't about everything you believe he has to offer you.
You don’t want to lose him because you’re afraid there isn't anyone better than him coming along and you’d rather have what you've got with him than settle for someone who you haven’t met yet.
It’s that fear that keeps all of us right where we are, whether we’re talking about a relationship, about a job, about a state of being, or about anything else where we’re being nudged out of our comfort zones.
We've all been there; you’re so not alone in this.
There's a way to fix it.
It’s called trust. In you.
The reason you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you is because you don’t believe there's someone else out there better for you. But that’s a lie that you've bought into that doesn't reflect the real truth.
The only ones you want to be with are the ones that treat you well. The ones that respect you.
The ones that are consistent and back up their words with their actions and don’t leave you guessing where you stand or wondering when you’re going to hear from them again.
The ones that show up when they say they’re going to show up and call when they say they’re going to call. They’re the ones that bring out the best in you and make you feel better about being yourself, not worse.
I know you want some reassurance, some way of knowing that there’s more to come than this, that there’s more to love than what you’re getting.
That kind of reassurance is right there, in your heart of hearts, beyond that place called fear. But to see it, to get there, you have to be willing to give up what you've got.
To question your belief that this is all there is. To question what you’re really looking for and why.
Don’t call it love if it hurts. Don’t call it “just the way he is” if it’s not the way you want it.
You’re the one in control here. Instead of focusing on him, focus on you. You’re the one who deserves to be loved. You’re the one who deserves to be respected.
Once you get clear on what you want and what you don’t, the rest is simple. You let go of what you don’t want – no matter how exciting it may feel to be with someone who keeps you at a distance – and you let someone who can give you what you deserve a chance to show you what he’s all about.
It’s always your choice what you choose to accept and what you refuse to allow.