Here in the United States it’s that time of year again: Thanksgiving.
The start of another wonderful holiday season filled with joy, laughter, and for some of us that just can’t bear the thought of going through another holiday season all alone, misery.
I remember all too well the sinking feeling I would have as I entered into another long Thanksgiving weekend, wondering how on earth I was going to get through yet another one feeling painfully single.
That’s when I would force myself to remember what this holiday is all about: being thankful for the good things in your life.
Each one of us has some wonderful things in our lives that we love, so it's time to think of what yours are and write them down, with a pen and paper.
This act of writing things down helps to cement them in our minds and make them more real, more touchable, and more memorable.
So go ahead and put on some soft music, make yourself some hot tea or mulled cider or whatever else you love to drink this time of year, and start writing.
Remind yourself of just how wonderful and beautiful you are and how wonderful and beautiful your life is right now.
They don't have to be big, huge things; sometimes it's the little ordinary things in life that truly remind us of all that we really have to be thankful for. The more the better. After a while you’ll start to see just how good your life really is.
For those of you that are having trouble feeling it, I understand. I'm here to help you get started.
Here are some of the things that I reminded myself of on all of those Thanksgiving’s that I, too, found myself alone:
1.) There won't be any let-downs this year.
Being single is better than being in a bad relationship with someone who isn't right for you.
This year you can be thankful that you won’t be feeling alone while being part of a couple. Be thankful that you are no longer part of a toxic relationship that’s doing nothing but making you feel bad about yourself.
Be thankful you’re not dating someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated; someone who only crushes your self esteem.
2.) Time off from work.
Even if you love your 9 to 5 gig, time away from it is always welcome, and you get to do something totally different.
So cook, make some pottery, paint, go hiking, go to the theater, read a book - do whatever it is you want to do, but do something different.
Pursuing what you love doing always helps to bring more love into your life.
3.) Singles night out.
The night before Thanksgiving is one of the biggest nights to head out on the town for everyone who finds themselves single this time of year. So instead of staying in and feeling lonely tonight, call up a friend and head out to your local hot spot.
4.) Opportunity.
You can be thankful that you'll have plenty of time this weekend to do whatever it is that you enjoy doing.
If you don’t currently enjoy doing anything, then you have plenty of time to try out some interesting things and get on your way to developing a new passion.
Whatever you do, don’t spend the long weekend sitting around wishing you had someone to spend it with. Find something interesting to do and then go do it. Even if it’s just going to a museum by yourself, get out there and enjoy life and all it is has to offer you!
5.) Natural beauty.
Be thankful that there is always natural beauty out there to enjoy, and it’s free. It doesn't care if you’re out there alone or with others. So go for a hike somewhere beautiful.
I've been to a lot of places and so far I haven’t been anywhere that didn't have some amazing natural beauty to enjoy. Go find some in your area.
Whether it be along a white sandy beach, through the woods, shuffling through the fallen leaves or stomping across a white expanse of freshly fallen snow, experience it firsthand for yourself; it will always make you feel better and more alive.
6.) Friends and family.
Be thankful for the wonderful people in your life. We all need to socialize; we’re pack animals at heart, after all.
Make a point to connect with someone close to you, whether it be your best friend, someone from work, or your Mom, connecting with friends and family always makes us feel better and closer to love.
7.) Music.
I love music, and anytime I'm feeling down I crank up the stereo with my favorite tunes and it always helps to shake me out of my funk. So close the door and the blinds, put some on some rockin' tunes, and shake that beautiful booty of yours like no one is watching (because no one is)!
Most importantly, be thankful for where you are right now, wherever that may be, whatever that may look like.
Remember that nothing is permanent and the things you're thankful for now will be different from those things you're thankful for at another point in your life. Your beautiful life got you here, and you wouldn't be you without everything that’s happened up to now.
Even if you can't see it that way just yet, know that one day, you'll look back on this time with a grateful heart that comes from knowing it was all worth it, there truly was a reason for everything. You will see this so clearly later, down the road, so why not start now?
We have all be given the ability to make the best of our circumstances, the ability to freely choose how we view the world and our place in it at the present time. So make the choice to be happy, and you’ll find that you will be.
Being thankful for all of the wonderful things in your life will help you to make that choice.
So now it's your turn, Beautiful. What are you thankful for this year, right now, at this point in your life? Share them with us down below in the comments so we can all recognize just how much we have to be thankful for!
Thanks for your continued support/blog and emails. I live in the uk and we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, but I am already starting to fear the holiday time, as Christmas is a big holiday here. But it’s reading your blogs, that keeps me strong and reminds me that going back or contacting the ghosts from my past, won’t really make me any better in the long run. As I know deep down, I’m still hoping that they will show up a different version of themselves; more loving, more open to commitment, more fun..but it rarely ever turns out that way, so as you say, it’s far better to accept what is, be grateful and hope that this time next year, things will be different.
We are all gorgeous and worthy of love, we just reminding :0)
Exactly, Fay. And reminding, and reminding, and reminding. 🙂
Hi Jane,
Thanks for this post. I really relate to the comment about feeling free and with less anxiety since you’re no longer in a toxic relationship. Last year at this time, I was miserable because my ex said he needed space to think about what he wants in life. I was constantly hoping that he would reach out on thanksgiving. But he never did. I just remember the feeling of saddess that I had when he didn’t call.
This Thanksgiving, even though I’m still single, I am happy and content with my life. I hardly think about my ex anymore and I’m looking forward to doing the things I enjoy doing. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and tell myself how much better I would feel knowing he isn’t in my life anymore. No more drama, anxiety or constantly wondering why he acts a certain way towards me. It feel wonderful to be free of that and finally enjoy life.
I hope everyone enjoys their Thanksgiving . Most of all, enjoy spending time with yourself and exploring what you love to do.
"Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and tell myself how much better I would feel knowing he isn’t in my life anymore. No more drama, anxiety or constantly wondering why he acts a certain way towards me. It feel wonderful to be free of that and finally enjoy life." Loving reading this from you, Nett. What we can't see when we're going through it, we see like crazy when we're out! So grateful, so thankful, so inspired for you. Happy Thanksgiving. 🙂
Oh Jane thank you so much for such a beautiful reminder, i am in South Africa and we do not celebrate thanksgiving....however your article has helped me to remember the most important things in my life right now which is family and my kids. God has blessed me with such loving and supportive family, even though it has not always been like that but in the last quarter of the year they have been so supportive of me through all the staff that i have been through.
I`m also thankful of following your blog for so many years, you and the beautiful women here have shown the importance of self love. i am currently single and i couldn`t be happier because i am clear of what i want, yes i have my moments, i have those days where i wish i had a partner, but i always remind myself to be patient and not feel pressured and end up choosing the wrong guy, i know my time will come. I have already decided that i will spend the holidays with friends and family and i`m looking forward to that.
Happy thanksgiving to you all..much love.
And the same to you, Lolly! We all have those moments - but when you realize the gift of not being with the wrong guy - and oh what a gift that is! - you are free to see what you do have, what is possible and just how free you are! Much love to you!
I totally get what Ella wrote. I was with s guy for 5 years and I even moved from where I lived all my life, to be closer to him. He dropped out of my life 3 weeks ago . No explanation. He stopped taking my calls and after two weeks of this, I received one text which said I should stop calling, he doesn't want to talk to me. It's thanksgiving week. I am now alone. I was invited to a relatives home, but I haven't seen him or his family in a very long time and I don't feel I can handle chit chat and everyone asking me where is my guy. I decided to be alone. I plan to do a big project I haven't had time for. My hope is that things will be better next year. I think it's ok to have hope for a better future. That is realistic and gives me something to strive towards. The first week was hard but it is getting better each day. The raw pain is gone. It's just loneliness now, and a feeling of missing him, because it was 5 years with him. But I think Jane would tell me that he wasn't the one - or he wouldn't have done this to me. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you single and wonderful ladies.
You know me well, Adrienne. 🙂 It's the way someone does this that's so telling. This isn't strength. This is cowardice. Loving shows love. Compatibility shows two people who are compatible in their communication as well. This isn't communication. It's cruel. It's more than ok to have hope for a better future. And with someone else, with someone who's emotionally aware enough to communicate with you instead of ending things like this. Happy Thanksgiving to you. Perfect timing to do your work on the big project! This, too, will become clearer to you as you see him for what he cannot be and could not become. It's the loss of the potential that hurts so much.
Last year around this time, I had been wondering if I was going to meet the adult children and first grandchild of the man I had been hoping was going to be in my life for a long time. Thanksgiving was going to be the test. As Thanksgiving approached and I realized that I was not part of his Thanksgiving plans, I made the decision to stop calling him and see what would happen. I had been slow to admit that I was not seeing signs that I was an important part of his life. He seemed to enjoy walking with me when I initiated that and would call me now and then. He gave me simple little gifts. Because that was more than I had experienced for years from a man, I thought it was the beginning of something that would grow slowly and would last.
As the days after Thanksgiving went by without a call from him, I began to feel relief along with my sense of grief and loss. The wondering was over. The message was clear. I could go on with the good life I had before I began to engage with him after keeping my distance from him for a period of three years in which he seemed to be interested in getting to know me. It had been a baffling experience.
I was so angry and bewildered when he left a message on Christmas Eve, wishing me a Happy Christmas and Happy New Year, that I didn't return his call until Christmas Day. He didn't respond to my message but called me again about a month later. By that time, I had let him go and did not want to engage with him again.
So much for that. This Thanksgiving week I am grateful and relieved that I have come so far in this past year. I feel better about myself than I ever did before. My Thanksgiving Day plans are to get up early and meet with good friends for a Thanksgiving breakfast and then spend the rest of the day in peace and joy and gratitude. If the weather is not stormy, I will take a long walk. I hope to do some drawing and reading. I will likely play my autoharp and listen to music. I may talk with one of my sisters on the phone.
My tradition is to have as simple a Thanksgiving as possible. This began in the many years I worked in a hospital. Because I was no longer married, had no children, and no family of origin anywhere near for many of those years, I would offer to work on Christmas and Thanksgiving so that my co-workers could enjoy family time. My friends know of my tradition of using Thanksgiving as a spiritual retreat day and no longer ask me to their family gatherings. For me, Thanksgiving is family time. I am my own family. I enjoy time with myself. Last year, I hoped to become part of a larger family but that didn't happen. This year, I have nothing but gratitude for my full and rich life and my friends who understand my tradition of enjoying Thanksgiving breakfast with them and the rest of the day spent in peaceful solitude. Alone but not lonely.
What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.
(Ellen Burstyn)
Alone but not lonely. I can't think of a more beautiful place to be in our aloneness, Ella. We're all slow to admit that those signs aren't there because we will unearth every possible explanation of why that might be! Enjoy your beautiful, spiritual day of gratefulness. When you recognize the signifance of holidays is all about how we personally view that significance, we discover a community of others who've woken up along with us. See how far you've come?!