Part III: If I knew then what I know now...

...I wouldn’t be so scared that I had to be doing something to meet him right now or else someone else was going to find him first.

I would know that scarcity is a lie that we’re brought up with, but it’s not true.  There’s always enough of everything if we believe it – even if we’re talking about men.

I remember that feeling.

It was a Saturday night and I knew the numbers all too well. There were more single women than men out there and I’d better get going if I was going to find one before someone else found him first!

And so was my life.

Feeling like every day I was getting older, feeling like everyone else around me had found their Mr. Right by now - except me. Feeling like I was going to be denied the chance to get married and have my own family because of something I had or hadn’t done or because of some kind of punishment for not being as perfect as I believed I should be. 

And should was the optimum word.

I had so many “should's.” I should have just started up that conversation with that guy in the parking lot. I should have gone out that night when I just didn't feel like it, when I babysat my nephews instead. I should have just kept my mouth shut and not spoken up about how I was really feeling.

I could go on and on.

Sound at all familiar? All because of a little thing that we’ve been programmed to believe from the time we’re too young to believe in anything… this concept of scarcity.

It’s everywhere.

And so, from the beginning of our lives, we hear people telling us how we need to do it now, to finish our plates now or there won’t be any dessert left (remember that one?) It’ll be all gone even if we’re not hungry anymore.

We better take care of our toys or there won’t be another one like it to replace it if it gets broken (OK, I can understand that one, but you get what I mean!). The point is we understand the concept of scarcity before we even know what it’s called.

And it doesn’t go away.

It only gets more ingrained in us once we’re exposed to the whole world of advertising and marketing of products, services and other things that we’re led to believe we have to have before we miss our chance and someone else gets what we missed out on.

But the reality is that scarcity is a social phenomenon, a concept that was designed to get us to act now so that someone else could benefit from it. Whether it’s our parents who get to have us clean our plates or pick up our toys, or the company that’s selling us yet another product we don’t really need.

The message to us has been that we need to do something, to take action before the competition gets what we wanted!

That message carries over to the topic of love. And relationships. And finding Mr. Right.

But it’s just not true. Because it’s not a numbers game. The numbers honestly don’t matter. Because all you need is one guy.

Just one. The right one. The one for you.

And when he’s ready for you and you’re ready for him, you’ll find each other. Of that I’m absolutely certain. If the two of you are meant for each other, one way or another, you’ll find each other.

But it means you’ll need to believe and trust. In yourself, in him and in the universe (or God, or fate, or whatever it is you believe in.)  And that takes a lot of faith. And a lot of deprogramming our fears of scarcity.

But if you live your life from a place of abundance, refusing to give place to anything resembling scarcity, you’ll find that abundance is where it’s at.

It’s all in what we believe. And know that scarcity is a lie that we’re brought up with, but it’s just not true. There’s always enough of everything - even if we’re talking about single men.

Click here to read Part 1 of this series.

Click here to read Part 2 of this series.