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Part III: If I knew then what I know now...

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Woman sitting by lake meditating.
Sometimes you just need to relax...

...I wouldn’t be so scared that I had to be doing something to meet him right now or else someone else was going to find him first.

I would know that scarcity is a lie that we’re brought up with, but it’s not true.  There’s always enough of everything if we believe it – even if we’re talking about men.

I remember that feeling.

It was a Saturday night and I knew the numbers all too well. There were more single women than men out there and I’d better get going if I was going to find one before someone else found him first!

And so was my life.

Feeling like every day I was getting older, feeling like everyone else around me had found their Mr. Right by now - except me. Feeling like I was going to be denied the chance to get married and have my own family because of something I had or hadn’t done or because of some kind of punishment for not being as perfect as I believed I should be. Continue Reading

Part II: If I knew then what I know now...

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Close up of man and woman holding hands in the sunset.
Don't over complicate things.

...I wouldn’t think that finding him (and keeping him) was about using some magic formula, or playing games or uncovering some secret.

I would know that it’s about being real, honest, and authentic; without the games, the acting, the manipulating and the pretending. 

I've officially read enough books and articles about the search for Mr. Right to understand why we’re all confused.

Really confused.

And not connecting. And scared. And trying. And still not connecting.

And essentially not coming any closer to finding Mr. Right than we were before we started having access to all the secrets out there to finding him.Continue Reading

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher: What Did Demi Really Lose?

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I was thinking about an article I read years ago about the break-up of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.

As I was reading about how Demi and others before her have ended their relationships with cheating men, I realized something important that I wanted to share with you. Because it’s the perfect example of what we need to remember about these guys we get involved with.

Every single one of them.

And it’s one of the themes that I’m always talking about.

That we really do teach him how to treat us.

If you ever had any doubt about that, just look at Demi Moore’s announcement where she states clearly that she is not going to put up with this kind of betrayal of her and her family. Continue Reading

If I Knew Then What I Know Now … Words of Wisdom to My Younger Self: What Every Woman Needs to Know About the Search For Mr. Right (Part 1).

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A photo of the word knowledge in the dictionary.
There are some things we can only learn in the "going through".

I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately from women wondering about what they should be doing to try to find him. The guy who’s Mr. Right for them. And I’m hearing you all very clearly.

What you’re saying behind the words.

You want some reassurance. You want to know it’ll happen to you. You want to know what to do, how do it – basically, you want in on the secret to finding him so that you can finally relax and just know it’s coming.

Your own true love.Continue Reading

One Big Happy Family – But Where’s My Boyfriend?

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A beautiful woman spends time with her boyfriends family at a picnic when her boyfriend is out with his friends.
Yes, he's out with his buddies again.

I remember it well. It was a Saturday night, and I was off to the mall - again - with my guy’s mom.

Yep, you read that right.

Not with him; not with my girlfriends. With his mom.

See here’s the thing; if I couldn’t be with him on Saturday nights, (you see, that was the well-rested, high-energy day he saved for going out with his buddies while I got the end-of the-week exhausted Friday nights), then the next best thing to me was to be with his family.

Any of them. Even his brother-in-law.

There we were on the couch. All four of us. His mom, his dad, his brother-in-law and me. Watching television after we’d gotten back from shopping (his mom and me - remember?)

His sister was working late again, or she’d have been there too.  So there we were - one big happy family, right?Continue Reading

The "A" word - Alone

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A beautiful woman sits on the ground feeling alone in her relationship.
Haven’t you ever felt awfully alone when you’re actually in a relationship with the wrong guy?

Sometimes, if we look at the reasons we stay in a relationship that isn't working, we find that it’s all about the A word.

Alone.

If we’re really honest with ourselves, I think we’d find that much of the stuff we allow in our relationships is because we’re afraid of being alone. As in, without a guy.

I think a lot of us feel that way even if we don’t want to admit it.

We don’t want to be alone. Whether it’s our culture that tells us we need to be with someone, be part of a couple to be OK, or whether it’s our own internalized belief system, we can go to great lengths to make sure we’re with someone, even if he’s not the one for us.

Because at least he’s someone.

And if he’s someone and we’re with him, than we’re not alone.Continue Reading

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