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Learning to say "No"

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A beautiful woman standing firmly with her arms crossed in front of her depicting that she is learning to say no
In your own voice, in your own way.

It's one of the most seemingly benign things that I teach my coaching clients early, but it's a consequential one.

Learning to say "no" in your own voice, in your own way.

Gently, but firmly.

The most important part is that it's in your own voice in a way that reflects your own personality, in a way that you feel comfortable owning it.

If it's only what someone else tells you to say, it won't have the same effect. You have to practice this until it comes naturally from you!

Don't explain, don't defend. Say it again clearly if you need to.

See, when you've been told your whole life you're not allowed to have boundaries, when you've been conditioned to make everyone else feel good regardless of how you feel, one of the hardest things you'll ever do is risk disappointing someone by saying the words they least want to hear - you saying "no".

But if you're going to find the right ones for you, you've got to make sure you can say no to the wrong ones first!

One small step in the right direction. Yes, it does start with something this simple.

And if you need help with this, just let me know.

Love,

Jane

How about you, Beautiful? Do you have a hard time saying "no"? Share your feelings, experiences and struggles with us below in the comments!

Lucky

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Woman upset at her crush with other girl on a sunny day
She's just lucky? Here's what really happened.

Don't tell me it can't happen for you.

She had every reason it shouldn't have happened for her, but it did.

Don't tell me it's not the same for you.

I've seen this too often. No, she didn't just get lucky. Sure, the right place and time happened. But you know why it happened?

Because she finally dumped the guy who wasn't the right one for her who she was settling for once more because she didn't want to admit she'd failed again.

Because she stopped pretending it was working when it wasn't, and she finally got up the nerve to do what she knew in her heart she had to do and started creating a life for herself doing what she actually WANTED to do instead of following what she was SUPPOSED to do.

And yes she had a horrible childhood and was divorced twice and had kids of her own and all kinds of other baggage.

But you know what? So did he. So do we all!

So when you say she just got lucky - the way you see it, so sure, let's go with that - you know when that happened?Continue Reading

What We All Need to Thrive

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A group of smiling men and women being friendly and supportive of each other.
This is what we all really need.

There’s a word that keeps coming up.

On my calls. In my inbox. In the heartbreaking comments I read from you here on the blog and on social media.

I hear it when you tell me things like:

No one sees like you.

No one hears like you.

No one thinks like you.

No one feels like you.

You see what everyone else says to just ignore. Because you can’t ignore it!

You hear what everyone says is just you picking up on something that isn’t there. It doesn’t go away.Continue Reading

Kindness, Shame ... and Hockey

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Silhouette of sad woman looking at sunset over water, shame concept
I didn't realize just how beaten down I was.

We've all had those pivotal moments in our lives when we're provided with a contrast so opposite to the situation we've found ourselves in, that we can't help but question why we're still there.

They remind us not everyone will treat us the way we've become so used to. They give us hope.

And they provide us with something to look back on when we try to make sense of it all.

One of those moments for me was at a hockey game with my boyfriend at the time, this guy I felt so beaten down by (he was the one who also made me literally sick at the end.)

Yeah. That one.

It was  during one of the intermissions where I went to the concessions by myself and to have someone smile at me - another man smile at me, say something nice to me, be kind to me - it felt like such a rare thing.

I felt so grateful, overly grateful, and as proof of how beaten down I’d become, I was thinking, you’re so kind.

You’re so nice to me.Continue Reading

"I'm So Disappointed in You"

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A beautiful woman with her face in her hands wonders what to do.
The words cut so deep.

Did you feel that one?

I know I did.

It starts as a memory. A memory we feel down to the very core of our being. “I’m so disappointed in you.”

And then it carries over into every part of our lives for a long, long time.

It’s a cycle. A pattern that’s easily predictable.

You disappoint someone – because you will, you know. And it all comes back.

But why is this all your responsibility? Isn’t it equally shared by the person who has such unrealistic standards of perfection for you that they can even dare to stand there from a position of “I’m disappointed in you”?

Why is this not on them? Why is it all on you?Continue Reading

You've Always Known

36 Comments

fantasy. woman in enigmatic meadow over cloudy sky
You're the one who's always known what's really going on.

You've always known.

What everyone says don't worry about. What everyone tries to shame you about. What everyone calls you crazy for.

It's actually the opposite, isn't it?

You're the one who's always known what's really going on.

You knew before he left.

You knew before he cheated.

You knew before he checked out.

You knew.Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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