Finding your YOU that leads to TWO
You've been waiting for someone your whole life, haven't you?
Whether it was your mom to love you, your dad to be proud of you, or your teachers to like you, your friends to include you, your boyfriends to never leave you, you've been waiting for someone to do something you wanted them to do your entire life.
To love you.
To want you.
To hold you.
To be with you.
To choose you.
To commit to you.
To never, ever leave you.
Except that never worked out the way it was supposed to.Continue Reading
Something hit me the other day.
I've been thinking about this for awhile now, wondering about what makes the difference between those who have so much to offer and go on to find someone with ease, and those of us who struggle so hard to find what we're looking for, or even anything close.
I've tried to break this down for you in a way that you can clearly see what's happening, so that you can easily see this pattern, and put it into words so you can finally do something about it.
I've got those words for you now.
And what it comes down to is that most of us who are struggling so hard with meeting the right guy or the right people or the right job or the right whatever, are all struggling with the same thing.
We're on the wrong search.Continue Reading
It's one of the most seemingly benign things that I teach my coaching clients early, but it's a consequential one.
Learning to say "no" in your own voice, in your own way.
Gently, but firmly.
The most important part is that it's in your own voice in a way that reflects your own personality, in a way that you feel comfortable owning it.
If it's only what someone else tells you to say, it won't have the same effect. You have to practice this until it comes naturally from you!
Don't explain, don't defend. Say it again clearly if you need to.
See, when you've been told your whole life you're not allowed to have boundaries, when you've been conditioned to make everyone else feel good regardless of how you feel, one of the hardest things you'll ever do is risk disappointing someone by saying the words they least want to hear - you saying "no".
But if you're going to find the right ones for you, you've got to make sure you can say no to the wrong ones first!
One small step in the right direction. Yes, it does start with something this simple.
And if you need help with this, just let me know.
Love,
Jane
How about you, Beautiful? Do you have a hard time saying "no"? Share your feelings, experiences and struggles with us below in the comments!
I've noticed a theme in the conversations we've been having lately.
I hear you say you think you're being punished.
You've had such bad luck with men, you're convinced it's got to be some form of punishment.
I hear you say you think it's because of something you did or something you should have known better to do.
I hear you say there's just some reason that you're being put through whatever it is you're going through - as if someone or something called God or love or fate - or whatever you believe in - could do something like this to you.
Drop that story, Beautiful. It's old. It's not true. It's not loving. And it's so unkind to you.Continue Reading
There’s a word that keeps coming up.
On my calls. In my inbox. In the heartbreaking comments I read from you here on the blog and on social media.
I hear it when you tell me things like:
No one sees like you.
No one hears like you.
No one thinks like you.
No one feels like you.
You see what everyone else says to just ignore. Because you can’t ignore it!
You hear what everyone says is just you picking up on something that isn’t there. It doesn’t go away.Continue Reading
We've all had those pivotal moments in our lives when we're provided with a contrast so opposite to the situation we've found ourselves in, that we can't help but question why we're still there.
They remind us not everyone will treat us the way we've become so used to. They give us hope.
And they provide us with something to look back on when we try to make sense of it all.
One of those moments for me was at a hockey game with my boyfriend at the time, this guy I felt so beaten down by (he was the one who also made me literally sick at the end.)
Yeah. That one.
It was during one of the intermissions where I went to the concessions by myself and to have someone smile at me - another man smile at me, say something nice to me, be kind to me - it felt like such a rare thing.
I felt so grateful, overly grateful, and as proof of how beaten down I’d become, I was thinking, you’re so kind.
You’re so nice to me.Continue Reading
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