you deserve to be loved

I Was Beautiful for 3 Months

Beautiful woman looking into a mirror. — I've said those exact same words myself.

It was just a comment that came into my inbox, but it was these words that caught my attention enough to know there was something more that needed to be said.

Why?

Because I've said those exact same words myself and I know so many of you have, too.

How many of us have felt these same words? When we're loved, we're beautiful. When we're no longer loved, we're no longer beautiful.

Isn't that what we feel?

There's no shortage of messages we receive that tell us we're beautiful when we're loved. There's no shortage of confirmation of those words from even our well-meaning friends and family who comment on how radiant we look when we're basking in someone's love.

We get the message.Continue Reading

The Problem with "Broken"

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Woman looking into a broken mirror representing her low self-esteem. — It does more damage than all our other programming combined.

There's a single word for what we've been told about ourselves that does more damage than all our other programming combined.

Amongst all the stories we've been told about who we are, where we've come from, and why we can never trust ourselves more than we can trust someone else who always knows better than we do, it's the story that tells us we're broken, that we've always been broken and we need someone or something outside of us to save us from ourselves.

Sound familiar?

The problem is that when we've accepted this as our own story for so long, we stop questioning it. And even worse, we forget we even have the right to. And we don't even see that there is a problem.

See, when you've been told you're broken, when you've been told you have to go to some being outside yourself to ask for forgiveness for the simple act of being human, you're going to have a hard time believing you're not.Continue Reading

Sure, it may be simple. But don't ever call it easy!

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A beautiful woman sits on a park bench wondering why she loves him. — And don't make it more difficult than it already is.

I've been talking a lot recently about the difference between something being easy and something being simple.

Like relationships.

And love.

And choosing something different than you're used to choosing.

Some of you get so down on yourselves because you get this in theory, but then you can't seem to apply it to your practical reality. You may have friends or family who make you feel like there's something wrong with you because it's not happening the way they make it seem like it should be, but the truth is, there's a world of difference between easy and simple.Continue Reading

Are These the Ones You're Listening To?

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Portrait of a beautiful worried woman using a laptop in the night at home — Don’t let their opinions carry so much weight.

You don’t say it out loud, but it’s there.

You think it has to be you.

Everything you’re not.

Everything everyone else is.

Everything you think you need to be.

But it’s not!

Exactly who you are is enough.

Exactly where you’re at right now is all part of this journey.

Don’t buy into a culture that dictates what you need to be to be loved, to have love, in order to get that love.

Love doesn’t work that way. It shows up both when you least expect it and when you most expect it.

In the perfect time either way.Continue Reading

The Part No One Told You About

I slept with my boss and now it's awkward

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Relationship problems concept - close up of man in shirt dressing up and adjusting tie on neck over woman in bed background. — Afterward he just brushed me aside, got changed, and handed me my things.

Our letter today comes from Claire, who's in a situation with her boss that she needs some advice on. Here it is, along with my response. Even if you've never been in this situation, read on because there's some underlying themes of power and control I think you'll relate to.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

I am a 21-year-old female who like many other women have nowadays got involved with their boss. I have only been in the business for 7 months and I worry I could lose my job over this.

But anyway, when I started working with him I was only 20, it started off as any natural friendly relationship would, although with the casual flirtatious joke or dirty remark at times, but I thought this was part of his personality at times.

Fast forward a few months and we started messaging on Instagram and from there it turned very flirtatious although he had stated he didn't want a relationship and I had said the same thing.Continue Reading

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I Was Beautiful for 3 Months

The Problem with "Broken"

Sure, it may be simple. But don't ever call it easy!

Are These the Ones You're Listening To?

The Part No One Told You About

I slept with my boss and now it's awkward

Here's her email:

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