Finding your YOU that leads to TWO
She slowly comes into view.
Happy. Content. Peaceful.
You’ve been through it all. And now you’re there. He’s there with you. The one you thought you missed.
You didn’t.
The one you thought you’d never find.
You did.
The one you never dared to believe could find you.
And of course he found you.
How could he not?
All those things you thought were taking you away from all chances of ever finding him. They’re how he found you!Continue Reading
There's a trail of messages behind you.
Too emotional. Too sensitive. Too heavy. Too deep.
Too this. Too that.
Too much is what you hear.
Not enough is what you feel.
I know this, because this is what I felt, too. We all do, they're different for each one of us, but they're there.Continue Reading
We say or do something we regret. We long for the chance to have a second chance to do it differently. We feel like we missed out on some amazing opportunity.
And then the worst damage we can ever do to ourselves begins; we beat ourselves up and label ourselves as damaged goods.
Oh we might come across on the surface like everything's OK, but only because we've learned over so many years how to play that part so well.
But inside, it's a different story.
We're mortified that we didn't handle the situation better, that we didn't listen to what we knew we should have done differently.
What's wrong with me? You wonder.
Why can't I ever get this right?
Why can't I be more like her [insert name of friend you secretly wish you were]?Continue Reading
So many of us struggle with the basics.
We get so caught up in the complicated aspects of our relationships that we think are the problem, that we miss the simple truths that underlie so many of our core beliefs.
These are the beliefs that keep us staying so stuck, and settling for so few crumbs.
We live like this because it's all we've ever known - or it's all we ever saw modeled for us, and we miss the fact that changing these beliefs, these ingrained habits that have become so much a part of who we are, begins the shift that changes everything.
So, starting right now, let's start making these changes.
No more chasing after someone.
No more believing he’s the only one.
No more selling yourself … to anyone.
No more waiting around for his call or text… you’re a woman with a life, not a lady-in-waiting.
No more sleeping with someone who can’t make his mind up about you.
No more focusing on someone else’s needs more than your own.
No more kidding yourself about why he won’t commit; if he won’t commit, either accept it and know what you’re signing yourself up for, or move on.
No more hanging on to someone who isn’t hanging on to you.
No more investing in a relationship where you’re the only one doing the investing.
No more waiting to be chosen; you’re doing the choosing.
No more beating yourself up for what you didn’t know, didn’t see, didn’t get, or didn’t see coming.
No more focusing on the past; right now is where your life is at.
No more living in the life-depleting should; you did the best you could with what you knew at the time!
No more hating your body, your skin, your hair, your nose, your ears. You are beautiful just as you are.
No more looking to others to complete you.
No more living your life vicariously through others; it’s time for your life to be everything you want it to be.
No more giving your power away to everyone else.
No more thinking that everyone else has something you don’t.
No more putting anyone on a pedestal.
No more pretending.
No more crying over someone who doesn’t deserve you and wasn’t compatible with you to begin with.
No more making someone your world.
No more bending and pretzeling to please someone else. It doesn’t work and hurts you more than you know.
No more saying you can’t do this.
No more excuses why everyone can do this except you.
You can do it.
But only if you really want to.
And only if you choose to.
If you’re done with what you’ve been doing and you’re ready for something different, this is where it stops. With you. With a word. With a commitment … to you.
Here's to the new you!
How about you - what are you going to say no more to? Tell us in the comments!
A wonderful friend of mine shared this video with me just now, and it brought tears to my eyes. I know a lot of you aren't on Facebook so I wanted to post it here on the site.
It's so true - all of these women are so beautiful.
And so are you.
Please pass this along to all of the gorgeous women in your life.
Happy New Year my beautiful friends!
You don't say it, but I hear it.
It's because I've been there, too. It's in the mostly wordless shame and doubt and unworthiness that comes through in between the lines of your written words. The words may be different, your stories may be very different, but the unspoken feeling is the same:
You feel like this is your punishment.
This common theme emerges. I'm being punished for something.
If we trace this back, its roots are deep within our culture, deep within our religions, and deep within those people who meant well but somehow passed along the opposite message of what they intended.
We feel like we made poor choices, we made mistakes, we did something wrong. This life we are living, this seemingly endless search we are on, we feel this is our punishment.
This feeling of unworthiness, this lack of love in our lives. We believe it's all our fault.
We feel like we can't measure up, that we failed the test, that we can never make it up; that we are unlovable, unworthy, and this loneliness, this pattern of being with men who treat us this way, this pattern of coming close but never quite getting to real love, is our punishment.
And the worst part is, we believe we can't make up for it. It's a heavy judgment we allow ourselves to bear.
If you know all too well what I'm talking about, then I have something especially for you to remember. Wherever you've been, whatever you've been through, there is so much still to come for you. It is still your birthright to love and be loved just as you are.
The effects of thinking like this, of seeing this so black and white with such judgment on ourselves only feeds these feelings of unworthiness that leave us stuck and missing out on so much that love and life have to offer us.
It might serve our culture well to continue the pattern of blame, and shame, and punishment, but it doesn't serve you well, my beautiful friend.
It's time to throw off those deep, dark feelings of shame; to refuse to take on any more of their stuff. It's time to lighten your load, to remind yourself of all that you are and all that you have to offer someone worthy of you and to get out from under that oppressive belief system.
It's time to stop believing that you deserve to be punished.
You are loved, you are worthy, you are deserving of all that is loving and beautiful in the world! You deserve nothing less than this, my beautiful friend. And when you finally see the truth in this, when you finally realize that in your heart, you've known this all along, you will see what is waiting there for you.
That's where love is.
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