Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

  • Categories
    • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Finding Love
    • Single Life
    • Inspiration
  • Programs
  • Work With Me
  • Contact Me
  • About
You are here: Home / Archives for spark

Getting Past Emotionally Unavailable Men

30 Comments

A couple is seen from behind walking arm-in-arm down a wooded path, indicating that she has finally gotten past emotionally unavailable men.One of our gorgeous readers, Maria, shares her story about finally getting past the emotionally unavailable men she was typically attracted to that would always suddenly disappear on her.

She's now found real love with a great guy that she would normally have overlooked.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

I have spent the last year reading your articles about why he hasn't and doesn't and won't.

As these were the men I was with. Immediate attraction...then poof; the emotionally unavailable man disappeared.

Then, on a chance meeting, a man that didn't meet my "physical wow" came into my life. He was honest, and caring, and thoughtful, and emotionally available.Continue Reading

The One Little Thing That's Keeping You Stuck

31 Comments

A woman sits at a desk with a book open, replaying her fairy tale romance story in her head with a castle in the background, illustrating that her story is keeping her stuck in a fairytale.
It keeps us doing the same things over and over again, whether it’s working for us or not.

We all have one.

And we’ll do anything to defend it, to keep it going.

It keeps us doing the same things over and over again whether it’s working for us or not. It isn't, but that’s not the point because we’d rather be right than to have to change it. Whether it’s why we’re still single, why we haven’t met him yet, or why it’s not our fault and we can’t possibly do anything to change it ourselves, we’re sticking to it no matter what.

What I'm talking about is our story.

We all hang on to it so tightly.

Until eventually, those tiny cracks that have started to creep into it can no longer go unnoticed and we’re forced to finally look at them for what they really are: a story. When you've been telling yourself the same thing for so long, when you've found a thousand ways to support and prove why it’s not just your story but your truth, it’s the hardest thing to see it for what it really is.

Even if it keeps on hurting you over and over again. Even if it keeps you from seeing a different way of being. Even if it could change your life if you could ever give it up.  It’s not about that. It’s become your story.Continue Reading

The Truth About The Spark

27 Comments

Image of a sparkler against a blue bokeh background representing the truth about the spark in a relationship.What is it about rejection that makes it feel so devastating?

If we were at the level of emotional health where we want to be, when someone doesn't want to be with us, it would be the end of it.

But since we’re not there, since we all have our own emotional triggers, for most of us it’s not only not the end, it’s just the beginning.

It’s a behavior for us that tends to trigger our deepest fears, our deepest insecurities, our deepest feelings of unworthiness and worthlessness.

Why else would we try so hard to get him back, why else would we subject ourselves to our own worst behaviors as we beat ourselves up, punish ourselves, berate ourselves, mistreat ourselves, for what is, for all intents and purposes, simply being human?

Instead of recognizing it as two people who are on different pages, instead of seeing it for this reality.

Instead of seeing this in the light of true emotional health where we recognize that this isn't about us, it’s not to be taken personally, that we don’t ever want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with us and it would end any of the emotional drama there, we see it quite the opposite.

The opposite is also why we do what we do.

If we were emotionally there, we would see someone like the guy in the last post and we would see what we have with him for what it is – a relationship that is everything we really want in a relationship if we're truly looking for someone to love us, to commit to us, to spend the rest of our lives together with.

But we don’t see it like this and we refuse it because of that same lack of emotional health that has us holding out for that almighty spark which isn't really true love at all. In most cases it’s based on a feeling, a trigger, a very personal emotional feeling that feels so powerful, so all-encompassing because it’s based on our own emotional baggage that triggers us in such personal ways.

Many times what we call a spark is not really a spark at all, but it’s the feeling elicited in us by being with someone who reminds us of our earliest relationships with a father or mother or other caregiver who couldn't love us the way we wanted to be loved.

It’s the familiar feeling of someone who gives us another chance to prove our worth to them, to show them just how lovable and worthy we are, to change our history by making this person want to be with us, to love us, even as he isn't capable of this in the first place. Often that’s why we’re so drawn to his type of “spark”.

And that's also why when we’re with someone who we don’t have to make love us, who we don’t have to do anything to or prove anything to, we feel bored or uninterested and don’t believe this can be that love of our lives that we’re looking for because it’s too easy.

The irony is it’s not too easy – that’s the way true love should feel like!

But we don’t recognize it because we've never known this kind of real love. It doesn't feel like the love of our unhealthy childhoods, and, as further confirmation, it doesn't resemble the kind of love we’re so programmed to believe is true love from the fairy tales, the movies, the television shows, the romantic novels we've all been brought up with in our culture to believe are the real thing, when all they really are is representative of our dysfunctional culture that keeps perpetuating these beliefs to ever successive generations.

It’s not your fault. It's a result of our culture, of the media, of our families, of people everywhere who continue to perpetuate the idea of love like this so that we miss, over and over again, what real love is by refusing to settle for anything less than that elusive spark.

Only you know what that looks like for you, but if everything else is there except this feeling that something’s missing because there isn't a type of fireworks that you've come to equate with being in love, ask yourself what happened in those past relationships. Take a look at how they turned out.

Can you recognize these sparks as real love in action, and not the high intensity level of a roller coaster ride filled with the highs of feeling like you've gotten him to fall for you that trigger your deepest childhood needs being fulfilled, versus the accompanying lows of him pulling away because it’s all too much for him, and you’re triggered again because of those deep abandonment fears surfacing again?

Only you know for sure, but what I’m saying is to be aware of what most of this push and pull relationship cycle is really all about. Only you know if this is about him, or about you, and most of us don’t even realize this is what’s going on under the surface.

It takes a shift in our thinking, in our being, in our feeling. It takes a new level of awareness that flies in the face of our strong belief systems and programming.

Don’t be surprised if you find yourself fighting it or questioning it.

Most of us need some help to break free of this trap we've bought into for so long to that keeps us from being loved and being with someone who’s truly capable of giving us what we so deserve.

But it doesn't have to be this way unless you want it to. You don’t have to keep living in this subconscious cycle that you don’t quite understand.

It’s not you. It’s not personal.

But the choice you make to change this is always left up to you.

Stop Looking for That Elusive Spark

175 Comments

Image of a spark between the hands of a woman and a man, signifying chemistry and spark in a relationship.
What do you do if you're not feeling the spark?

I recently came across a story of a woman who was in a long term relationship (several years) with a man that she described as emotionally available, kind, funny who kept her very satisfied in the bedroom.

They also have an amazing friendship. Sounds perfect, right?

He asked her to marry him.

She said no.

She went on to say that while she loved him very much, she knew it was never going to work out in the long term because she never felt that elusive spark.

She felt like she would be settling.

Honestly, I was stunned. I had to read it again, just to make sure I wasn't missing something.Continue Reading

He Might Be Right In Front of You

15 Comments

 

A beautiful woman is re-thinking a relationship with the nice guy.
Don't overlook that genuinely nice guy just because you don't think he's your type.

Sometimes the perfect guy for you has been right there all along, you just didn't notice.

Buried in between all the unhealthy relationships that never turned out the way I wanted them to; in between all those heartbreaking dramatic episodes with guys that could never give me what I was so looking for, there were a few men who were what I now recognize as really healthy, relationship material kind of guys.

But at the time I was just not open to seeing them that way; instead I continued to chase the unhealthy romantic fantasies about love that I had in my head.

These were genuinely good guys who were looking for an exclusive relationship, weren't afraid of commitment, were honest, were real and didn't play games.

Guys who would talk about real life everyday topics, would call when they said they were going to call, show up and plan ahead for when we would see each other so I felt confident that I was a priority, and basically treated me the way I actually wanted to be treated.

But because they weren't igniting my own unhealthy chemistry indicator, or maybe because they weren't going full tilt on the romantic pursuit that made me feel so desirable and worthy, they never stood a chance.Continue Reading

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR MAILING LIST AND I’LL SEND YOU THIS GIFT!

Make Him Adore You Send me the video!

Programs

About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Join Me On Facebook!

Getting to True Love

Popular Posts

If you've let him know that you expect the same level of commitment from him that you've given him, and he can't give you the commitment that you're looking for, then there’s only one thing for you to do. A clock is showing that it's time to move on.

Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want

You're the one who really has tried everything to get him to come around and fully commit. You're the one who's given him more than enough time to come around and finally make the commitment . A beautiful woman is upset that her boyfriend won't give her the commitment she wants.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Won't Commit

Green freeway sign with Commitment written on it.

7 Things I've Learned About Men Who Are Afraid Of Commitment

Attractive young woman awaits a phone call. wondering why he hasn't called.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Hasn't Called

A beautiful woman is being hugged

Will He Ever Want a Committed Relationship? 3 Signs He Might

A beautiful woman looks at her phone wondering why he hasn't called.

The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called

A man telling a woman he just wants to be friends. They are standing in a park on a path, out of focus, with the camera looking through branches.

He Just Wants To Be Friends

A beautiful woman is upset because of the way her boyfriend treats her as he watches TV.

Why He Treats You the Way He Does

Image of a man who looks like a player showing signs he's not into you.

14 Warning Signs That He’s Not That in to You

A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her.

Why He'll Commit to Her, But Not to You

As Seen On…

Latest Tweets

Tweets by @JaneGarapick

Recent Comments

  • Heather on Why No Contact NEVER works and what to do instead
  • Emma Verhoog on The Difference Between Giving Up Too Soon and Giving Up Too Much
  • Jin on Three Things You Can Do When He’s Getting Emotionally Distant
  • stavkapro on Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want
  • Turning Your YouTube Channel Into a Cash Flow. on The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called
  • Snehal on My Boyfriend Fell Out of Love With Me

Calendar

May 2025
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Oct    

Copyright © 2025· Getting to True Love, LLC · All rights reserved · Privacy Policy · Refund Policy · Terms of Service

We use cookies to ensure you receive the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are okay with our terms :)Got it!