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I Have Almost No Self-Esteem Left

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A beautiful woman with her face in her hands because her self esteem is so low.
My self esteem is completely gone because of his hurtful words.

What do you do when the relationship that you're in has simply worn you down to the point that you have almost no self-esteem left, but you just can't bring yourself to let go and move on? Our story this week comes from gorgeous Angelina, who can't imagine life without him, but is feeling completely broken down at this point.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane.

Please allow  me to preface this to say that my husband is my first real love and I have identified myself with my marriage so long that not only is this excruciating but I also have almost no self esteem left because I forgot who I was.

From day one I always had misgivings about the person who is now my husband and we even argued a little on our first date but I let his other qualities shine through and chose to ignore his anger and tendency towards cruelty until the more problems we faced in life, (his overbearing, overly intrusive Eastern European minded mother and housing issues along with his demanding job) took a toll on me.

I felt we didn't handle any of these issues as a team, just him wearing me down with his anger and near total hatred of me until I caved in but this never felt right so I'd stand up for myself by getting angry at him.

He is so stubborn and his mother has messed his mind up so much, (she is very very good at guilting him and passing on her hysterics to him, she wants to be the first person in his relationship calling all the shots of the marriage), that I found myself reacting in anger and frustration to try to get him to do anything good for himself.Continue Reading

Self Blame: It’s Holding You Back

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Self Blame written on silhouette of a person's head.
Self blame: It's holding you back more than you realize.

You’ve got your list. You know what you want this year.

Love.

Someone special to share your life with. And everything else. But nothing quite compares to love.

And finding him. Finally.

Right?

Ok, so there’s something we have to settle first. Something that’s been holding you back more than you realize, more than any of us realize.Continue Reading

It's the Opposite of What We Think

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Beautiful young woman with long hair lying on the grass
What if you could look at it another way?

We look around and we see so much of what our culture calls strength among our friends, our colleagues, our role models, almost everyone it seems. They let things roll off them, they don’t take everything so personally, they walk away without looking back.

They make everything  look so much easier than the way it feels to us.

The way it feels to us.

It’s this part of us that gets the least amount of validation from the world around us and the people who are the least like us. In a world where success is evaluated by the measurable things that have nothing to do with our hearts, it’s no wonder we can feel so wrong, so misplaced, so counter to what we feel so otherwise pressured to be.Continue Reading

Someone To Believe In You

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woman laughing while a friend is kissing her representing someone to believe in you.
The truth is we just can't do this on our own.

We’re not meant to do this alone.

You’re not meant to.

And yet contrary to our inner knowing that knows this to be true, we try. Again and again, we try. We’ve put on ourselves that we can do this alone. That it’s a sign of strength, a show of our power, to make it on our own.

I fall into this trap, too.

I think I can do it on my own, that I don’t need anyone else. But the truth – the real truth, not the truth we want it to be – always comes out in the end.

We never should have met. She was a Junior, I was a Freshman. In a University that neither of us intended to attend.

She had envisioned a college in the woods. I had never in my wildest dreams imagined myself in an entirely different country, in Los Angeles, California.

But it was there that we met.Continue Reading

The Trail We Leave

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Don't let them define who you are.
Don't let them define who you are.

There's a trail of messages behind you.

Too emotional. Too sensitive. Too heavy. Too deep.

Too this. Too that.

Too much is what you hear.

Not enough is what you feel.

I know this, because this is what I felt, too. We all do, they're different for each one of us, but they're there.Continue Reading

The Only Role You’re Meant to Play

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A beautiful woman is standing on stage, representing a brand new you.
It's time for you to shine.

It’s opening night.

All eyes are on the curtain as it slowly begins to rise.

There you are.

He’s looking at you like he’s never seen you before. And with good reason. He hasn’t.

Not like this.

You step out into the spotlight and he sees the woman he’s been waiting for his entire life.

You.

He can’t look anywhere else. You mesmerize him like no one else has ever done before.Continue Reading

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