As in: refuse to settle for anything less than what you really want, and truly deserve.
So here we are - we’ve figured out who we really are, we’re confident, healthy, and we know exactly what we’re looking for. Now we’re ready to move on to what that looks like in real life – your real life. We have our clear definition of Mr. Right – we can picture him. Not necessarily what he looks like physically, but his qualities – he’s caring, kind, gentle, romantic – he has all of those traits that we just listed out earlier in Step #7.
So what now?
What do we do when that good looking guy that makes a lot of money asks us out and takes us to that romantic restaurant and starts sweeping us off our feet?
Well, this is where it gets tough – you have to ask yourself: does he match what I decided I was really looking for? You can’t let yourself be blinded by the excitement of being pursued – stick to your guns and remember what you want. If you decided kids are definitely in your future, you have to ask yourself - is he going to be the good father that you’re looking for when he’s working 80 hour weeks to make all that money?
You're right - probably not.
And you definitely don’t want to go into it thinking he’ll change – odds are very much against that. It’s much more likely that there will be a lot of stress in the relationship down the road, which is why so many end in divorce.
And what if you’re currently in a relationship? Well, then you need to take a hard look at that relationship and see if it fits your new criteria. Typically, if you’re reading this book, the answer is that it doesn’t, and it’s time to move on. But sometimes, after finding ourselves and getting a little space to have our own life and realize what we really want in life, we’re able to look at things through new eyes and see that, well, maybe this is right for me.
And there’s an important point here I want to make because it’s just that important. What you’re looking for may be right there in front of you. It might be your current boyfriend, a (currently) platonic friend, or someone else you see every day but haven’t really noticed like that before. Sometimes once we really look inside ourselves and realize what’s really important to us that sweet but slightly awkward guy starts to look a little more…well, attractive. Even cute. And once you open your eyes and mind a bit more, and realize how well he’s treating you, and wow – he does have all the qualities I’m looking for - he even becomes downright sexy. Believe me, it happens all the time.
On the other hand, if you’re feeling like you’re in a one-sided relationship, not being able to come right out and tell him how you’re feeling, what you’d like from him and where you’re at, there’s probably a good reason for it. But test it - give him a chance to respond to what you’re feeling is lacking in the relationship, and see if anything changes. Because by giving it - the relationship - and him a chance, you’ll find out pretty quickly if it’s what you’re looking for. Or if the two of you really aren’t right for each other.
The whole settling thing isn’t about selling yourself short; it’s about clearing our paths for the right guy, the real thing. It’s about coming to the full realization that as much as we want to experience love in our lives, as much as we don’t want to be alone, we’re not willing to take just anyone to fill that void we’re feeling.
And in that knowledge, we become stronger, more confident, more ready for the real love of our lives to come on over as we start to attract more of what we’re putting out there.
That we’re worth it. Deserving.
So worth that kind of love with that kind of guy. And when it’s real, you’ll know it. Next we'll take a look at what to do with some of those old insecurities that surface even when we are finally getting it right...
Stop chasing what other people think you should want.
This is NOT how it's supposed to feel.
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