gratitude

This Thanksgiving, Do THIS Instead!

A beautiful woman looks out a window wondering why she is not strong. — It's time to let your feelings be felt.

If you’re being flooded with messages today telling you all the things you should be thankful for, and the LAST thing you feel right now is grateful, I’m here to tell you I see you, I hear you, and I feel every bit of what you’re going through today.

NOT feeling our feelings is the problem with so much of what’s gone wrong in our lives and I’m here to tell you that it’s okay if you don’t feel what everyone’s telling you you’re SUPPOSED to feel today.

It’s easy to feel grateful when you’re warm and cozy in your house with a husband or partner who loves you, surrounded by babies (or fur babies) who make your house feel like a home. It's easy to feel thankful when you’ve got enough money, a secure job, your health, and good friends and relatives who make you feel loved and supported.Continue Reading

8 Simple Ways To Be Happy NOW (Before You Have a Committed Relationship)

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A beautiful woman stretches in the morning thinking about ways to be happy. — “I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.” – Audrey Hepburn

We all want to be happy, right?

And we know that if we’re happy now, before we’re in a relationship, then we’re much, much more likely to be happy later, when we’re in a committed relationship.

And here’s the funny thing – we’re also much, much more likely to GET into a relationship when we’re happy. And we’re much more likely to get into a relationship with someone else who’s happy when we’re already happy.

And that leads to what’s known as a happy relationship, which is something we all want.

Am I right?

So then the question is, how do we get happy when we just don’t feel happy right now?Continue Reading

Something to be Grateful For

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A beautiful blond woman is sitting with her back to her boyfriend as they break up. — When you look back on it, you'll see it differently.

You know all those songs about being grateful that you didn't get what you wanted (think: Beyonce, The Best Thing I Never Had)?

Well, there's a reason.

Because when this is all over, this "going through" process that you're trying so hard not to fight right now, you'll be writing your own version of this song.

This isn't just about a relationship, it's about your life.

It's about being able to trust what you didn't believe you could. It’s about seeing things for yourself in the only way we ever really learn those real lessons in life. By going through them firsthand.

Those are the lessons that we never forget.

I understand all too well just how hard it can be to believe that, and how tired we can be of hearing our well-meaning friends and family offer the empty promises with words like “it’s going to get better soon”.Continue Reading

Never, Ever Compare Yourself to These Women

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We all do it. It's almost impossible not to. It might be human nature, or it might be cultural. It's probably a mix of both.

I'm talking about our need to compare ourselves to others.

We do it all the time, sometimes without even noticing. We compare our bodies, we compare our salaries, we compare our houses and our cars. We compare our children, our athletic ability, and our intelligence.

And the worst part isn't just that we compare ourselves like this, it's that we tend to compare ourselves to someone that we think has more than us, is better than us, or has something that we don't have.

We compare ourselves to people who are further along than we are, so it makes us feel so small, so insignificant, so far behind.

And that's where the judgment begins. And as we know all too well by now, there is no harsher judge, no one that's harder on us than ourselves.

But amongst all of this comparison, there's something that is so demeaning, so self-esteem shattering, so wrong, that it's something you should absolutely never compare yourself to:

Women that don't really exist.

I know you might think that's strange, but we're actually doing it all the time. We're surrounded by images of people that don't really exist, but we're made to believe that they do.

We flip open the cover of almost any magazine – it doesn't matter if it's geared towards men or women - and all we see are photos of gorgeous, perfect women in nearly every ad.

The same thing goes for television, movies, even the internet.

What we are told by all of these images floating around, even if it's indirectly, is the message, loud and clear, that we aren't beautiful enough.

And if our self-esteem is already in tatters, then what we hear is even worse – that we aren't beautiful at all.

The reality is that there is absolutely no good reason to compare yourself to anyone, since, like we talked about in the last post, you are unique and you have so many things that you bring to the table. It's a waste of time to compare when the reality is that these comparisons are like comparing apples to oranges.

Is intelligence better or worse than compassion? Is artistic ability better or worse than athletic ability?

You just can't compare these things because they're all so very different.

There's some good news – you can change this habit of comparing. Because that's all it is, a habit, and habits can always be changed. It's simply a matter of training your brain to put the focus back on you. This isn't about what anyone else has or doesn't have - or seems to have that you don't. You are perfect just as you are.

Look back to the list you made from Monday and remind yourself of everything about you that's so special, that's so great, that makes you the unique woman you are with so much going for you and so much to offer someone who is truly worthy of you.

The only comparison you might want to make is with your own beautiful self; where you are at right now compared to where you once were, and recognize just how far you've come. Look at where you were on your journey just a short time ago, and note everything that you've learned. Look at all of the ways that you've improved, and made changes for the better.

Then allow yourself to feel grateful for everything that have, everything that you are and everything that you have accomplished. You can show that gratitude by helping others that aren't there yet to get where you are now. That's the truest expression of gratitude.

And to help you to break the habit of comparing yourself to others, I want you to watch this video, and check out the other links below. These will help you realize without any doubt that the women in those magazine ads don't really exist.

And you would never compare yourself to something that doesn't exist.

Check out this article from US magazine showing how celebrities look in real life vs. how they are portrayed in the media.

Here's a great talk given by model Cameron Russell about how these false images of women are created, and about how models are actually insecure about themselves.

And here's another great video showing the transformation of perfectly normal, beautiful women into something that's just not real.

Are you seeing this all more clearly? How do these videos make you feel? Tell us about it in the comments!

3 Things to be Thankful For In Your Love Life

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It's Thanksgiving here in the United States, and I wanted to take the opportunity to let all of you know just how thankful I am that you're all here, and for the words of encouragement that you share with me and with our community.

I also wanted to thank you for sharing your lives with me and touching my heart with your personal stories.

If I had my wish, I’d want all of us to spend Thanksgiving together this year.

Forget the logistics, because, yes, I’m well aware that we’d have to rent a small stadium to hold all of us, but wouldn't it be wonderful?

All of us together, free to be our best, most beautiful selves, free to do what we want and live the way we want. Just enjoying the day without worrying about what others are thinking, wondering if they're judging us for being alone.

You could just be.

You could just enjoy.

Free of the worry about those inevitable questions from your well-intentioned family members about whether you are dating anyone, leaving you to wondering about the hidden messages behind the questions.

Barring us all getting together in this one joyous gathering that I can, at least right now, only dream about, we can at least be with each other in spirit. We can feel good knowing that we all have a safe place to turn, a community of beautiful, encouraging women that we can reach out to in order to get the support we need.

So, in the spirit of being thankful, I wanted to convey to you a sense of what I hope for you to feel this holiday season. I want you to see that it’s not about any lack. It’s not about anything you don’t have. It’s about what you do have!

It's about seeing the opportunity, the endless possibilities that lie before you. It's about being grateful for everything that you have in your life right now, and forgetting about what you think might be missing. You see, what very few of us see when we’re still in it, when we’re still in that place where things aren't yet the way we pictured our lives at this point in time, is that we have some very special things to be thankful for.

So, while there are many more, and I'll ask you to come up with your own that apply to your specific life and circumstances, to get you started here are three things you can all be thankful for in your love life right now:

1. You!

Yes, you know that beautiful woman otherwise known as you? The one that knows her own worth, who refuses to settle for anything less than she knows she deserves? You know how she figured this all out?

By going through what you've been through.

By being willing to put yourself out there and refusing to let your heart get hardened.

Few of us learn the things we do without going through our heartbreaks the hard way. Few of us remain unscathed. And yet, just by getting to this point, just by finding your way here, you’re showing that you've got that resilience to rediscover your true beautiful self and find a love for yourself first that you never knew you were capable of.

It’s only when we learn to love ourselves like this, that we shine that beautiful light of our true selves bright enough so that someone who’s truly deserving of you will be able to see exactly the woman he’s been looking to find in you.

2. That he didn't call or wouldn't commit.

I know it seems like the last thing you want to be thankful for. After all, that’s exactly what you wanted – you wanted him to call or maybe you were hoping for a commitment from him.

But please hear me when I say that if he wasn't there, if he wasn't on the same page as you, the very last thing you would have wanted in the end was a guy who was leading you on, giving you just enough to keep you hanging, wasting your life away waiting for him to finally be ready for commitment.

You would have found yourself in that miserable kind of a non-relationship with a guy who isn't really into you, a guy who is committing just enough for you to stay stuck in a relationship that he didn't really want.

No matter how much you wanted it to work out, know that you only knew the part of the story that was all about the potential only you were seeing; the rest of the story was the reality that he knew he wasn't on your page. The only ending that two people on different pages end up with is heartbreak, and you know you deserve more than that.

3. For all that is still to come.

This isn't how your story ends, no matter how much it seems like it sometimes. Your life up until now has just been one story, one way of seeing, one way of living. You are just beginning to catch a glimpse of the life that is still waiting for you.

We can get so stuck in that place of doubt, where we begin to think that the love and the life we desire, the life that seems so effortless for everyone else, is somehow out of our own reach. But when we come to see that there isn't a select chosen few who somehow deserve more, when we come to see that there is nothing we don’t have that someone else has, a type of shifting begins to happen. We start to question, we start to say why not me?, and we start to see the cultural factors that have played into a programming of how we believe ourselves and our lives to be.

With every learning experience along the way, a little more light shines through. A new way of seeing becomes that much more of a possibility, and a new energy and confidence begins to replace what was once only heartbreak and despair.

It doesn't matter where you've been, or what you've been through. See yourself the way I see you; see all that is still to come for you the way I see it for you. You haven’t been forgotten, you haven’t been passed by. Keep that beautiful dream alive in your heart and soul and don’t let anyone or anything extinguish it.

You have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving holiday and every day!

How about you? What are you thankful for in your life right now? Tell us about it in the comments!

Bring Love Into Your Life With This One Simple Habit

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Once you make a habit of noticing all of the little things there are to be grateful for your entire life will change for the better. A beautiful woman is lying in the grass looking at a dandelion thinking of everything she has to be grateful for. — "Photo Credit: Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos"

I've been having a tough day. My son is three days into his second bout of flu this season, just a few days after his little sister finally got over the same flu. He kept me up most of the night, I'm tired, the house is a disaster and I now can't even see the bottom of my to-do list. It's days like this that I dig deep in my coping-mechanism toolbox and pull out the one thing that can consistently pull me out of the deepest of funks:

Gratitude.

That's right. Being grateful.

But how can you be grateful when it seems like everything in your life is going wrong? Well, that's the beauty of gratitude. It can take the most negative of things and magically turn them around to be positive. For example, as difficult as it is to deal with a sick, cranky child I'm grateful that it's not something worse. I can be grateful that there hasn't been a trip to the hospital; I can be grateful that I'm not also sick at the same time. I can be grateful that he doesn't have something that requires chemotherapy. I'm grateful that he's alive.

When you can train yourself to look at life's problems and challenges in this way, it really reminds you of what's truly important, and even what seem like the biggest of mountains quickly shrinks to the molehill that it really is.

I don't do this as often as I should, but when I do spend a few minutes and really look around myself at what I can be grateful for, it always brightens my day, my mood, and my life. And I find that this quickly transfers to those around me.

Once you make a habit of noticing all of the little things there are to be grateful for, your entire life will change for the better. It's not an easy habit to create, and it will take daily practice, but the results that you see in your life will be well worth the effort spent.

The good news is that by cultivating a daily "attitude of gratitude" you will automatically start to feel better about yourself, your life, your circumstances, and even your relationship status. And once you start to feel better about all of these things, you will start to exude this happiness and radiate a level of confidence that you've never had before. A nice little side effect of all of this new found happiness and confidence is that you will start to attract love into your life from all sides, including the romantic side.

So take a few minutes every day, preferably in the morning but it doesn't really matter – whatever time works for you is fine – and think of three or four things that you are grateful for. Write them down if you can. You can keep it short and sweet, but there's something about the act of writing things down really makes them stick in your head. If you're not in a place where you can easily write, or if you don't have a pen and paper (or smartphone) handy, then just close your eyes and quietly think about them in your head.

If you're having trouble, here are a few to get you started:

Your friends, your family, your support system (whoever that may be). We all have special people in our lives that are there for us when we need them, whether that be your parents, close friends, or just the people you eat lunch with at work.
Your furry little friend that is so excited every time you walk in the door, no matter what kind of mood you're in.
I know it sounds silly, but being grateful for the world around you – for flowers and birds and sunshine – can be amazingly uplifting and healing. Feel the sun (or rain, or snow) on your face and really experience it!
Be grateful that your past relationships didn't work out (there's a reason you're not with him anymore, and it's because it wasn't right for you).
Don't forget to be grateful for yourself – that you are so kindhearted, sensitive, and capable of such love. Think of all of the ways that you've "been there" for yourself, and have taken care of yourself and treated yourself well (and make a note to keep doing those things!).

Another good way to really feel the gratitude is to thank others for things they have done that you are grateful for. It doesn't have to be over the top (in fact, it's better if it's not) – just a simple "By the way, I wanted to thank you for what you said in the meeting the other day", or a quick note to say "I just wanted you to know that I really appreciated how you helped me through my tough day last week. It really meant a lot to me". It's very simple to do, and will do wonders both for the person you are thanking and for your own happiness for the day.

Try this for a week and let me know if it's made any differences in your life, either in how you feel, or in your relationships with others, or both. Send me an email or tell us all about it in the comments.

By the way, I want to let you know that I really appreciate the time you've taken to visit my site and read my post today. Thank you.

I'm very grateful that you're here.

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This Thanksgiving, Do THIS Instead!

8 Simple Ways To Be Happy NOW (Before You Have a Committed Relationship)

Something to be Grateful For

Never, Ever Compare Yourself to These Women

3 Things to be Thankful For In Your Love Life

1. You!

2. That he didn't call or wouldn't commit.

3. For all that is still to come.

Bring Love Into Your Life With This One Simple Habit

Gratitude.

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