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No wonder you've lost all hope

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A beautiful woman with her face in her hands because her self esteem is so low.
I had absorbed every ounce of that energy.

No one could convince me otherwise.

I had too much evidence to the contrary. All my past relationships, all the men I'd ever dated. They only showed me one thing - the same thing - nothing was ever changing, they all ended up the same, and the only thing I could count on with any certainty was that I was going to keep repeating the same patterns every time, no matter how I chose or where I moved to or what circumstances were different for me.

I was the problem.

I was the common-denominator. This could only be something about me. Everything I tried produced the same results, just a different guy with a different face and name, but the pattern, the intense chemistry and the promise of everything in the beginning followed by the gradual distancing and then the total demise of whatever was left of the relationship.

This was always the way it happened for me and NOTHING on the horizon seemed like it could move the needle one bit.

It didn't matter how I looked or what my actual age was or what I had going for me. I felt no different than if I was a 90 year old woman on her deathbed.

I had absorbed every ounce of that energy.Continue Reading

How does he fall out of love so easily?

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Woman sad over breakup looking at mobile phone on the city bus wondering why he doesn't love her
What I really want is closure

Have you ever wondered why this happens? You're not the only one. Read on to find out what I have to say about this!

Her email:

Hi Jane,

I am writing this to let out some steam as I don't have many friends and really have no one to talk to.

March 2020, in the first week of lockdown, I was suggested to use dating apps by my parent's to get to know more people and see if anything develops. As I am extremely introverted and like to spend majority of my time alone.

On the first week of using a dating app, I met him.

We added each other's contact information and had on and off short conversations into July when he had added my Instagram. I never initiated any of the conversations and gave short replies as I was still very skeptical of online dating and because of my shy nature, I didn't know how to start the conversations.Continue Reading

Friends to lovers to I don't know

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Worried woman talking with boyfriend
Was I wrong to tell him how I feel?

Our letter this week comes from Kayla, who doesn't know what to make of the friendship/relationship she's been in with a guy for the past 4 years, and is looking for some help to understand what happened and what she can do to get him back.

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I've been stuck in a never ending spiral that's worsened these past few months and feel completely out of control of my life and my feelings.

To give some background information, I have been friends with this guy for 4 years, from the end of high school to now, in college. Our relationship has always been flirtatious and full of banter and making jabs at each other.

Through him, I became best friends with his friends.

Recently, we've taken a couple steps forward from our initial friendship. Sure we've had moments in the past where it was this back and forth 'will they, won't they' situation, but nothing ever solid came from anything (and to be quite honest, because he would always pull back).Continue Reading

The Biggest Lie You Were Ever Told

29 Comments

A beautiful woman looks down, sad, wondering if her boyfriend is getting distant.
You give and you give. And then you give some more. Because they told you to.

I see you, you know. Maybe because I've been you.

He treats you like he's got so many options you should be lucky he's paying any attention to you, and what do you do? You give and you give. And then you give some more.

He's a no-show. You track him down to make sure he's okay and when he finally answers you, you tell him you're the one who's sorry.

He doesn't call when he says he will. You get tired of waiting and send him a message only to hear back from him hours later that he worked late or fell asleep. You empathize with him and tell him you're sorry. You hope he gets some sleep.

Even when he ends it, you're telling him you'll always care about him and always be there for him. He doesn't say anything like that to you.

Even as he's walking away, laughing behind your back to his friends as he tells them the story. Still caring, still trying, still pining, still care-taking for his emotions, his fragile ego, his wounded younger self.Continue Reading

He says he needs space. What do I do now?

8 Comments

Sad woman hugging her emotionally unavailable boyfriend and looking down.
I'm terrified he won't come back.

Our letter today comes from Cyndi, who's wondering what to do when her boyfriend said he needs space to figure things out, and she can't stop thinking about him. Sound familiar?

Here's her letter and my response:

Hi Jane,

My boyfriend asked for some space from the relationship to figure things out. Not contacting him is so so difficult and I’m terrified that he won’t come back. I know I need to take this time to focus on myself but it’s all I’m thinking about right now.

What do I do?

-  Cyndi

My Response:

Of course that's all you can think about right now, Cyndi. He's the one who asked for space, not you. You wanted things to keep progressing. You weren't expecting this. Continue Reading

We Had Amazing Chemistry but I Haven't Heard From Him in 4 Days!

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Rear view of a woman holding the curtains open to look out of a large light window at home.
Should I reach out to him or not?

Our letter this week highlights one of the dilemmas so many of us have encountered before. Amazing physical chemistry and, well, some other things that aren't exactly amazing - or even acceptable.

That's the subject of today's letter, and like most of us who've been here before, it feels just a little too familiar.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I’ve been dating this guy for two months. Sparks flew immediately.

I’m 32 and he’s 33. He’s a resident Pathology physician and I work at the same hospital, but in different departments.

We have amazing physical chemistry and we would text each other constantly throughout the day and evening.  He would tell me that I make him nervous and that he thinks about me all the time.Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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